08/30/2026
https://www.facebook.com/share/1Da1B5MNzc/?mibextid=wwXIfr
I told my 10-year-old "no" to getting his own phone, and he looked at me like I had abused him, and his friend's mom told me I was too strict — and that moment is exactly why I needed "The Collapse of Parenting" by Leonard Sax.
I read this New York Times bestseller last weekend with my mouth open, because Leonard Sax, who is a physician, psychologist, and internationally acclaimed author, said out loud what I have been feeling but was too scared to say as a modern parent. He argues that rising levels of obesity, depression, and anxiety among young people can be traced to one painful thing — parents abdicating their authority. Not abusive parents, not absent parents, but loving, well-meaning parents like me who are so scared of being the bad guy that we treat our kids like grown-ups, like friends, like little CEOs who get to negotiate bedtime, dinner, and respect.
Sax shows data documenting a dramatic decline in the achievement and psychological health of American children, and it hit me because I see it here in Abuja too. Our kids can't be bored, can't be told no, can't eat what is served. He says we have confused being liked with being a good parent. I felt convicted because I let my son eat in front of the iPad because I was tired, I let him stay up because his friends do, I apologized when I should have instructed. Sax says we must reassert our authority — not with shouting or hitting, but with calm, confident leadership — by limiting time with screens, by encouraging better habits at the dinner table, by teaching humility and perspective, by prioritizing the family over the child's individual preference every single time.
The chapter on dinner table and screens wrecked me. Sax says family dinner without screens is not nostalgic, it is neurological. It teaches kids how to read faces, how to wait, how to not be the center. He says when we give a 9-year-old a smartphone, we give them access to the world but we take away their childhood, and then we wonder why they are anxious. I came home, I took all screens off during dinner, my son cried the first night, the second night he told me about his teacher. On the third night he laughed. I had forgotten what his laugh sounded like without a YouTube video playing over it. This book teaches that humility is not humiliation — teaching a child "you are not the most important person in the room, and that is good news" is actually love.
"The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups" is not a shaming book, it is a rescue book for parents who love their kids so much they have forgotten how to lead them. If you have ever negotiated with a 7-year-old about bedtime like you are at the UN, if you have ever felt guilty for saying no, if you see your child more anxious, more entitled, more overweight and you don't know why, read this. It gave me permission to be the parent again, not the friend. Parents, have we collapsed? What is one authority you need to take back lovingly this week?
