Jersey Behavior

02/22/2026

Motivation isn’t just about rewards. It’s about what feels important to you.

A motivating operation changes whether a behavior feels worth doing before it happens. Values function as motivating operations. They increase or decrease how valuable participation feels in the moment.

People are more likely to participate in activities, learning, conversations, and shared experiences when their values are supported. Some values PDAers might strongly hold include:
• Autonomy
• Collaboration
• Novelty
• Expertise

When these values are supported, engagement increases. When choices are forced, input is ignored, people are excluded from decisions, treated as less capable, or constantly corrected, participation becomes less valuable and less likely.

What values are motivating operations for you?

What makes you more likely to participate?

What makes you less likely to participate?

02/18/2026

10/20/2025

Just writing to say I’m officially beginning parental leave as our family prepares to welcome a new little one! 💕

During this time, I’ll be stepping away from sessions and caregiver coaching to focus on soaking up these early days. If you’re a current client, you’ll hear from me or your covering clinician about next steps.

Please note that there may be delays in responses to emails, DMs, and inquiries while I’m on leave. Thank you all for your kindness, flexibility, and continued support! It truly means the world!

With gratitude,
Mary 🌿

07/29/2025

05/06/2025

In many systems, there’s an overemphasis on politeness, quietness, and calm. Children are praised for being “well-behaved,” which often just means not disruptive or not inconvenient.

But here’s the truth:
Empathy isn’t always gentle. Regulation doesn’t always look calm.

If we conflate regulation with stillness and empathy with niceness, we completely miss the reality of what it means to be a connected, feeling human being.

A child who is regulated might be bouncing, singing, or talking a mile a minute.
A parent who is empathetic might be yelling because they care, because they’re feeling with their child’s injustice.
A protestor screaming in the streets can be deeply empathetic AND entirely regulated.

We do harm when we assume that regulation must look calm and that empathy must sound sweet.

These assumptions uphold ableist and classist norms, where emotional expression, especially from marginalized folks, is policed.

Real empathy and real regulation both make space for authentic expression, not just acceptable performance.

And this matters right now.
When people are speaking out about genocide, state violence, racism, ableism, transphobia, or any form of systemic harm, they are often told they’re “too much.” Too angry. Too emotional. Too loud.
But empathy compels us to speak. Regulation allows us to stay in the fight.

Grief, rage, urgency: these are not signs of dysregulation. They are the appropriate, human responses to injustice.

We cannot confuse emotional expression with instability.
We cannot demand calm from people living through crisis.
We cannot dismiss truth because it is shouted.

Empathy doesn’t stay silent to be polite.
Regulation doesn’t mean staying small to make others comfortable.

REAL empathy isn’t about agreeing or staying comfortable. It’s about standing in the full intensity of another’s experience, even when it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, or disruptive.