Hoban and Associates

08/30/2024

I know you're out there because I meet you during EVERY class I teach. Sometimes, you introduce yourself during a break. Sometimes, you email me after class. Sometimes, we don't speak, but I catch your knowing nod from the back of the room.

You're a special needs parent... like me. You're a cop... like me. You're scared... like me, that your child will be misunderstood by those we call "brother."

Join me on this mission. Let's play some offense. Let's work together to make the world incrementally safer for our kids. Let's do it in a way that honors our profession and its unique challenges few can understand.

If not us, who?

4 days
2 hours per day
I'll give you everything I have.

02/01/2024

10/04/2023

Let’s learn from the parents we service…

My son has been in school for a little over a month now. He is a 7th grader at our local middle school. Except it looks a little different than most.

He doesn't switch classes. Or have a locker combination. And we've never had to worry about the cell phone policy. I have no idea what the cool kids are wearing or even what middle schoolers are into. And I don't know anything about the extracurricular activities and often I tear up when I read the newsletter. It’s hard to read. As if it's in a foreign language.

My son has autism, and he is in special education.

For him that means he learns differently. At his own pace and in his own time. But it also means that he likes kids and going to school. He's ready 15 minutes every morning before the bus comes and he high fives me as I steal a kiss as he runs out the door.

He adores the bus too. He does not like art. But he loves to swim. He has two friends, maybe more. See, he isn't able to tell me. But often, we will be in the community and a child will come running up to him to say hi. They know him. And I will swear I hit the lottery when I see the joy on his face.

But sometimes it feels like we are trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole. Or like we were invited to the dance but not able to participate.

It's a weird place to live in. I don't quite know where we fit in all the time.

I am sharing all this because I got a beautiful note home from his para a while back. It said:

'Cooper's been very cheerful and enjoying saying hello to friends that he already knows and waving hello to new friends in the hallway and lunchroom. At lunch he chose to sit at a table with other kids that he didn’t previously know and shows them stuff on his talking device like recordings of shows on his camera roll. I encouraged him to use his device to tell the kids his name and he told them some of his favorite things about Christmas. He really enjoyed the interactions.'

When I read it, I smiled. And then I cried. Much like I am doing now as I write this. And then I prayed. I prayed with everything inside of me that these kids were nice to him. That they didn't tease or mock.

See, I'm terrified.

Every day I send him into a world that he doesn't understand. And I hold my breath until he returns to me.

So, I ask you...

Moms and Dads, please teach your kids about kids like my son.

Tell them about the little people who are squares navigating a very round world.

The kids who communicate differently. Or look different. Or act differently too.

Teach your kids about kindness and inclusion. And love.

Give them a safe space to ask questions. And to learn about differences. Because that's how it starts. A safe space.

Knowing these differently abled people...it's the best. I promise.

My greatest wish...an invite. To a birthday party or a play date. Maybe someday. But remember, it starts with you.

Signed,

A mom who loves her boy so much

This post was written by Kate of Finding Cooper's Voice. Thank you for being here.

08/20/2023

Did you know that our parent charity, Pillars of Light & Love, recently opened the So Much to Give Inspiration Studio in the same complex as the cafe? Below are this week’s classes and social events designed to enhance the lives of those with disabilities ages 15 to adult. Please help us spread the word!

08/05/2023

When you have a child diagnosed with autism, it’s not about you as the parent.

At least that’s what we are told.

Your sole focus becomes helping your child. Getting them the help they need.

Services. Supports. Therapies. Education. And so on.

That’s the role of a parent. And that’s how it should be.

But one part that is overlooked, I think, is the evolution of the parent. Their journey. And the patience that should be given to them when everything changes suddenly.

It’s not easy ya know. Stepping off the path of the life you imagined into the unknown. And suddenly being expected to the be the expert. The advocate.

Invincible. Brave. Courageous.

I would do it a million times over again for Cooper. But it was scary.

It all changed me too.

I am an entirely different person than I was 9 years ago when that piece of paper was slid across the table to me that read…’autism spectrum disorder.’

My outlook. My ability to advocate. My patience. And so much more. It’s all evolved.

My wants and needs have changed entirely.

They started with…

I need him to be okay.
I need him to be like the other kids.
I need it to be something other than autism.
I need it just to be a speech delay.
I need more time for him to catch up.

Then I need to find him help.
And eventually I need to find someone who will listen to me.

Then I need him to be higher functioning.
And I just need him to talk.
I need him to be okay.

As the years went on I started to feel like it was me and my son against the world.

Everything was a fight.

The simple things that everyone else seemed to take for granted were not given to him. Or us.

But I did not give up on him. And he didn’t give up on me.

And as we both settled into autism, and the shock wore off, my wants and needs changed.

I need him to be able to communicate.
I need him to feel good.
I need him to be safe.
I need him to feel comfortable in his own skin.

I need him to be challenged.
I need him to be accepted.
I need him to be included.
I need him to have people who love him.
I need to find people who understand us.
I need the world to see him.

I need him to be happy.

So simple right?

It all comes down to happiness.
That’s what matters to me.

Is he happy?
The answer is yes.

Thank you for being here with us. This post was written by Kate of Finding Cooper's Voice. If this post resonates with you…you’d love my book that speaks more to the transformation our entire family went through after an autism diagnosis. It’s called Forever Boy and it’s on amazon. I’ll put a link in the comments.

Photo Credit: The amazing Kacie Ko took our family photos on Thursday night. This one made me tear up.

06/16/2023

In this engaging podcast interview, Captain Jerry Turning introduces his audience to Nicole, a special needs mom from Berea, Kentucky. Jerry shares his approach to podcasting, which involves educating and providing actionable information about autism to first responders and the community. He emphasizes the importance of understanding and empathy when encountering individuals with autism, especially for road cops who interact with them regularly.

Nicole describes her journey as a special needs parent and her challenges. She explains how she reached out to the Chief of Police in her town (Berea Police Department) to create awareness and understanding about autism. The chief and the community engagement specialist were responsive and engaged in a conversation with her, leading to positive changes within the police department. They organized a field trip for her son's classroom, started discussions about a special needs gala, and even made adjustments during the Christmas parade to accommodate sensory needs.

Jerry applauds the chief for his leadership and highlights the importance of listening to the community and responding to their needs. He emphasizes empathy and understanding should be at the core of law enforcement interactions, as it can alleviate anxiety and fears experienced by families like Nicole's.

Nicole shares her fears about her son encountering the police, emphasizing the need for understanding and avoiding misunderstandings. She wants her son to be seen and properly understood, ensuring that encounters with law enforcement are safe and respectful. Jerry relates to her concerns and expresses his own fears about who will take care of his son when he's gone and the possibility of his son being misunderstood or hurt by someone.

Jerry and Nicole underscore the significance of this issue and the need for proactive efforts from law enforcement and families. They encourage leaders in law enforcement to engage with their communities, listen to their concerns, and take action to create understanding and empathy. By sharing their personal experiences, they aim to bridge the gap between first responders and families, fostering a safer and more supportive environment for individuals with autism.

Blue Bridge Autism Training

03/30/2023

Be kind.

It’s just a statement. Really quite simple when you think about it.

Two words.

A direction. A request. A plea. A wish.

You can find it anywhere these days.

On t-shirts. Hats. Bumper stickers. Tote bags.

I was just sitting here thinking about kindness.

See, I am a mom of four kids, one with a disability.

He is 12 years old now.

We are long past the wonder of the diagnosis. Past the in-between space of is he or isn’t he. Past the sting of forever.

We have settled in. We have made a home with him at the center.

All of us. Mom. Dad. Brothers. And a sister.

We have been immersed in a world that I often call a secret one.

We see unbelievable joy. We see heartache. We see cruelty. We see stares and smiles. We see understanding and judgement. We see smirks. We see love. We see the gifts that he brings to our world.

That happens when you belong to a person who is different than the rest.

But be kind. That sentiment.

Why do I wear it on my chest?
Why do I whisper it in my 10 year olds ear every single time he gets on the bus?
Why do I think…‘please God, let them be kind to Cooper,’ every time he leaves our world to go to school?

It’s simple really.

It’s because I can’t ask you to understand autism. You haven’t lived this life.

I can’t ask you to know how every milestone, every outing, every sound that he makes is a gift. Every time he goes to a store or walks around a zoo. Every single second we worked for. None of these things were given to him. To us.

I can’t ask you to know that he flaps his arms when he’s happy and holds his ears when he gets nervous. Or that he loves men with beards and bald heads. That waving is his favorite. That he can’t always control the sounds that come out of his mouth.

I can’t possibly know if you’ve had a bad night or didn’t get your morning coffee. Because see, I don’t know your life either.

But I can ask you to be kind. And to see a boy. A yellow haired boy who was 9 pounds when he was born. A boy that we prayed and hoped for. That is loved and treasured. That is absolutely perfect to us.

A boy that is different than you. Than your own children or grandchildren or neighbors.

I can ask you to pause before judgement or annoyance or rudeness and to simply…be kind.

That’s why we say it and wear it and preach it.

Because we can’t expect you to know our story but we can hopefully expect kindness.

Thank you for being here and learning about our world. ❤️❤️

This post was written by Kate of Finding Cooper's Voice.

03/30/2023

They did it again.

The amazing humans of Greenwich Autism Alliance (GAA) have agreed to sponsor THE ENTIRE MONTH OF APRIL in honor of Autism Awareness Month.

From now through April 30th, there will be NO CHARGE for Blue Bridge Autism Training Special Needs ID Cards (just pay $1 for postage and handling)!

Enter Coupon Code: "GAA" at checkout.

Please join me in offering thanks and appreciation to this generous organization! There is none better.

Now... put me to work!

-Mr. B