I’ve learned that one of the fastest ways to reduce bedtime anxiety isn’t always talking kids through it. Sometimes it’s giving their brain something *better* to focus on. That’s why I love using focal points at bedtime.
Whether it’s a star projector on the ceiling, a lava lamp, a fish tank, or slow, moving string lights, these general visual anchors, get anxious mind somewhere to land. Instead of spiraling into tomorrow’s worries, or clinging to one more hug, their attention has something calming to settle on.
I’ve watched this make such a difference for kids who struggle to quiet their minds at night.
No, a projector doesn’t magically fix anxiety or sleep. But it can shift a child’s focus just enough to help their body relax and falling asleep feel less overwhelming.
Have you ever tried using a focal point at bedtime? I’d love to hear what’s worked for your family.
And if you need a suggestion, I am loving this pococostore projector! Save with code ALLISONEZELL at the link in my bio!
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07/21/2026
Gentle parenting has helped so many families move away from fear based parenting – and that’s a great thing.
But somewhere along the way, many parents started carrying a burden. They were never meant to carry: sole responsibility for their child’s feelings.
Children are allowed to be disappointed.
Children are allowed to protest change.
Children are allowed to have big feelings.
Your job isn’t to prevent them from feeling every uncomfortable emotion. Your job is to guide them through these emotions while showing them they deeply loved and safe.
That’s why I believe bedtime doesn’t have to be a choice between connection and boundaries. The healthiest bedtime routines actually have both.
If this resonated with you, save this post for the next night, you start questioning, whether holding a bedtime boundary is the “right” thing to do or not.
And if you’re ready for a step-by-step plan, my Toddler Guide shows you how to create calmer bedtimes with connection, consistency, and confidence for kids 1-5.
You’ll find it at the link in my bio and follow along for more trauma-informed sleep education that helps your whole family get the rest you deserve. 💖
07/04/2026
Happy 250th birthday, America! 🇺🇸🎆🌭
Here’s who this advice is NOT for: those of you who are laying with kids to support them to sleep and are either not returning to them in the night after that OR those of you who are and don’t mind.
Here’s who this IS for: those of you who have never understood sleep associations OR those who have never put together the way your child falls asleep and their middle of the night waking.
I’m NOT saying you have to stop this immediately.
I’m NOT saying it’s a bad habit.
I’m NOT saying this is the issue for every kid.
But for MY hypervigilant, highly sensitive to change, scared to be alone child - this is ultimately what helped.
Rather than only finding safety in my presence, we had to rewire his body to find safety in separation.
We started small. I would pretend I forgot my water in the hallway and nonchalantly go grab it after tuck-in while he waited. Baby step.
Then, l’d ask him to complete a small task (such as sing a lullaby or tuck in a stuffy) while I stepped out for a slightly longer reason.
As his body began to see he could exist safely in his sleep space without me there, I began to slowly create some physical space between us after some snuggles so he fell asleep untouched.
Eventually, I worked up to stepping out of the room for longer tasks while he listened to an audiobook and shifted to check-ins...with some much enjoyed (by both of us!) snuggles.
And slowly but surely... he began to relax. And trust himself. And see that he was safe even when I wasn’t there. He could listen to a book or hold his stuffy or sing to himself. He had tools in his toolbox.
And it changed everything.
We never made him cry it out. We never bribed him with sticker charts. We built confidence - brick by brick.
And I’ve helped thousands of families do the same thing ever since.
Need a guide here? I got you. 1-1s can be booked in my bio and be sure you’re following Allison Ezell | Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant, M.Ed.
06/09/2026
If I could go back 10 years, here’s what I think she needs to hear…⬇️
Throw all the rules away. Yep, all of them. What you did before with your bio kids is not relevant here. It’s apples and oranges. Stop trying to do for him what you did for them.
Actually, do the exact opposite.
Start by meeting him exactly where he is rather than concerning yourself with the long term. That might mean he’s falling asleep to an iPad or a song or drinking milk or lying with you. That might mean he only eats wonton soup and Pringles and drinks bottles meant for babies.
Doesn’t matter.
There is no spoiling this child.
There is no good and bad - there is only safe.
All that matters right now is that he trusts.
Encourage a decent bedtime and wake time but don’t force it. Offer healthier and more nutritious food options alongside (not in place of) what he knows is safe.
Do what has never been done for him before and predictably offer him sufficient food and drink and sleep, but don’t lose your sanity over the exact numbers. Trauma doesn’t follow wake windows or care about protein.
Smile a lot. Laugh together. Get down on the floor and play. Make a fool of yourself. Let loose. Have fun and show him warmth, even when you don’t feel like it.
Show him you’re safe. Meet his needs, even if he doesn’t well respond to it at first. Keep trying. Attachment is a two-way street.
You’ve been waiting months for him to come home, but he had no idea he wasn’t home before. Remember that he had a story and a bed and people he loved before you that he didn’t sign up to lose.
And then? Do this over and over and over again.
That’s it. That’s literally all that matters right now.
The rest of it? The early bedtimes and “sleeping through the night” (myth, by the way) and healthy meals? Everything else can come later.
Felt safety is built upon a foundation of trust. From that trust flows everything else. So get your foundation right, and allow the rest to fall into place.
Oh, and one other thing I’d tell her? You’re holding a treasure. And you’re in for a beautiful, wild ride that’ll be one of the greatest joys of your life. 🩵
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