07/13/2026
Which one is it? The game show where the symptoms are the same, and you have to guess the diagnosis. Welcome, welcome, I'm Link Learner, your game show host. Today's episode...is Perimenopause or Pain Med Detox...Our reigning champ, Perimenopause. Peri, step forward and remind the audience who you are.
Peri: Like totes hi! I mean, it is like, how am I here? Honestly, I can't remember, but I would like to say. That it is such a total and awesome honor to be repeatedly chosen as the diagnosis for any malady a woman has is moi. I take pride in that.
Link: Yes, Peri, we know (shoving Peri away from his microphone). And now, we have Pain Med Detox, a little bit about yourself, please.
Detox: What up.
Link: Anything else you would like to share with our audience?
Detox: Peace!
Link: Alright....thanks, Detox, for providing little to no information. Keeping it mysterious. But now, audience, onto the game! It is for you to determine, from the list of symptoms, whether Peri or Detox are this week's winner.
1. Brain Fog
2. Scattered Thoughts
3. Mood swings
4. Zero energy
5. Falling asleep during the day
6. Not sleeping at night.
7. Profusely sweating.
8. Feeling things crawling on you.
9. Leg spasms
10. Freezing and then burning up.
Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock. Times up.
Winner is Detox.
Peri: WHAT! I demand a recount.
Link: Sorry, Peri, for once you are the loser.
Detox: Respect, Peri!
Link: Yes, folks, it is real! How did Detox win? One symptom after another in rapid succession until final clarity at 1 AM. It was like the skies opened, and the sun came through.
Today's parting gift is that the pain meds are out of my system!