The Cole Lab LLC

A surprising amount of personal growth begins with subtraction.
Not addition.
We spend a lot of time asking:
"What should I start doing?"
A better question might be:
"What should I stop doing?"
Stop overcommitting.
Stop apologizing for boundaries.
Stop comparing your Chapter 3 to someone else's Chapter 27.
Stop saying yes to things that pull you away from what matters most.
Growth isn't always about carrying more.
Sometimes it's about carrying less.
🎯 Challenge: Make a "stop doing" list. Pick one habit, commitment, or mindset that is no longer serving you and let it go this week.

Let's talk about consistency.
Not the Instagram version.
The real version.
The real version is doing the work when you're tired.
Doing the work when you're busy.
Doing the work when nobody notices.
Doing the work when the results haven't shown up yet.
Consistency isn't sexy.
That's probably why so few people stick with it.
But while everyone else is chasing shortcuts, consistency is quietly building something sustainable.
The tortoise wasn't lucky. The tortoise had a process.
🎯 Challenge: Choose one goal and ask yourself: "What can I do for 10 minutes a day?" Then do it every day for the next seven days.

If you're waiting until you feel "ready," I have some unfortunate news.
Ready is mostly a myth.
Most opportunities don't arrive after you've mastered the skill. They arrive while you're still figuring it out.
The promotion comes before you feel qualified.
The business launches before you feel prepared.
The leadership role appears before you've read all the books.
Confidence is rarely the prerequisite.
More often, it's the result.
Stop treating preparation like a destination. At some point, you have to leave the parking lot.
🎯 Challenge: Identify one thing you've been postponing because you don't feel ready. Take one concrete step toward it this week.

In April, I lost my father.

Attending his funeral was strange.

Painful.

Infuriating.

The man people were describing during tributes was not fully the man I knew.

I heard stories about people he showed up for.

People he loved deeply.

People he treated like daughters.

Grandchildren he adored.

And quietly, internally, I kept thinking:

Interesting.

Because my experience was different.

My children carried broken promises.

I carried disappointment.

Grief has a strange way of making old wounds introduce themselves again.

And if I’m being honest?

Part of me wanted to be petty.

Part of me wanted to stand up during tributes and say:

“Well actually…”

But growth sometimes looks like resisting the urge to become your pain.

Years ago, I forgave him.

Not because everything was okay.

Not because everything was repaired.

But because carrying certain things forever becomes heavy.

So I sat.

I breathed.

I listened.

And slowly something unexpected happened.

I reconnected with that side of my family.

Stories were shared.

Conversations happened.

Walls softened.

And somehow, after all these years…

I became an official member of the family group text.

Life is strange.

Growth is stranger.

Because sometimes expanding internally is not becoming less angry.

Less hurt.

Less disappointed.

Sometimes growth is building the capacity to hold grief and grace in the same hand.

To honor what hurt you without allowing it to harden you.

🪴 CAPACITY CHECK:

What are you carrying that may no longer need to be carried the same way?

No judgment.

Just data.
(- Kim Jackson)

A friend of mine has a son who frequently announces:

“I’m grown.”

And every single time his mom says:

“You’re not grown. You’re 21.”

And listen.

Respectfully.

Ma’am may have a point.

Sir.

Your mother still pays your phone bill.

You’ve had more jobs than a method actor.

Your grades are fighting for their lives.

And if your checking account gets any lighter, it might achieve spiritual enlightenment.

But here’s the thing.

We all do this.

Maybe not with bills.

Maybe not with jobs.

But with growth.

We confuse independence with capacity.

Freedom with readiness.

Confidence with competence.

Wanting something badly does not automatically mean we are prepared to sustain it.

Oof.

Capacity is not built by declaring who you are.

It is built by repeatedly doing the things the version of you that you want to become would actually do.

Showing up.

Being accountable.

Managing discomfort.

Building consistency.

Taking feedback without immediately needing to produce a six-part documentary explaining why it wasn’t your fault.

Growth is strange because sometimes we want the title before we build the infrastructure.

Leader.

Entrepreneur.

Manager.

Partner.

Business owner.

Healthy person.

“Healed.”

“Grown.”

But growth asks:

Can you carry what you say you want?

Because maturity isn’t announcing:

“I’m grown.”

Maturity quietly handles its business.

And sometimes growth sounds like a voice reminding us:

“You’re not grown. You’re 21.”

Not because age determines growth.

But because growth requires capacity.

🪴 CAPACITY CHECK:

What identity have you claimed that your habits have not fully caught up to yet?

No shame.

No judgment.

Just data.

People confuse beliefs and values all the time.

They are not the same thing.

They’re cousins. Close cousins. But cousins nonetheless.

Beliefs tend to manifest externally.

They show up in what we say.

What we post.

What we argue about.

What we think is true.

Values tend to manifest internally.

They shape what grounds us.

What guides our choices.

What we protect.

What we return to when things get hard.

Beliefs often announce themselves.

Values reveal themselves.

You can believe rest matters and still wear exhaustion like a badge of honor.

You can believe family is important while giving your leftovers to the people you love.

You can believe growth matters while avoiding feedback like it personally keyed your car.

Oof.

Capacity for growth requires learning the difference.

Because growth is not just about examining what you believe.

Growth asks:

What quietly governs my choices?

What principles shape my behavior when nobody is watching?

Because sometimes we build lives around our beliefs—

the things we say—

while neglecting our values—

the things that sustain us.

Beliefs can point you somewhere.

Values help you stay there.

🪴 CAPACITY CHECK:

Pick one thing you deeply value.

Now ask yourself:

Does my time, energy, and behavior actually reflect it?

No judgment.

Just data.

✨ Leadership, connection, and inspiration. ✨

Members of our PATHS Forward Leadership Program—past and present— were honored to attend the 45th Annual Awards Luncheon hosted by the Fort Worth Metropolitan Black Chamber of Commerce.

Celebrating leaders whose innovation, service, and commitment are making a lasting impact across our region reminds us what leadership is all about: creating opportunities, building community, and leaving things better than we found them.

Congratulations to this year's honorees! 👏🏾

Dickies Arena gifted PATHS Forward their table for the Annual Luncheon , so we were able to experience this wonderful networking and learning experience. I also had a seat at the TCU table as a current Neeley MBA student. It was nice to have a seat at 2 tables. Of course, I gifted one to someone else.😉

Growth has terrible PR.
People think growth looks like promotions, titles, bigger houses, bigger audiences, bigger opportunities, bigger impact.
Growth often looks like therapy appointments. Boundaries. Uncomfortable conversations. Saying “I don’t know.” Learning to sit still long enough to hear yourself think.
Sometimes growth looks suspiciously like slowing down.
We live in a culture obsessed with expansion. More followers. More money. More visibility. More achievement.
But external growth without internal capacity is like buying a bigger suitcase without learning how to pack.
At some point, the thing you built starts asking more from you.
More patience.
More discipline.
More emotional regulation.
More leadership.
More resilience.
And if your internal world hasn’t expanded with your external one, success can start feeling strangely heavy.
Capacity matters.
Can you hold disappointment without collapsing?
Can you receive feedback without spiraling?
Can you sit with uncertainty without trying to control everything?
Can you celebrate other people without making it about yourself?
Can you evolve without needing permission?
Expansion isn’t always adding something.
Sometimes it’s releasing something.
Old habits.
Old fears.
Old stories.
Old versions of yourself that got you here—but won’t get you there.
🪴 CAPACITY CHECK:
Identify ONE area where you keep trying to grow externally without building the internal capacity to sustain it.
What needs to grow first—you or the goal?

PATHS Forward Session 2 is in the books, and what an engaging evening it was.

This session focused on **“Know Thy Chamber”** — an opportunity for participants to learn more about the incredible work of the **Fort Worth Metropolitan Black Chamber of Commerce**, the impact it continues to make in our community, and the many ways leaders can get involved and stay connected.

Participants had the opportunity to hear directly from Chamber Board Members as they shared their leadership journeys — the wins, the lessons, the pivots, and the realities of leading with purpose.

One of the most powerful reminders of the evening?

Leadership does not happen in isolation.

It grows through community.

Through mentorship.

Through showing up.

Through learning from those who have walked the path before you.

Thank you to our Chamber leadership and board members for investing your time, wisdom, and experiences into this cohort. And thank you to our PATHS Forward participants for bringing curiosity, engagement, and thoughtful conversation to the room.

Growth happens when insight meets action.

Session 2 reminded us that knowing your community is part of knowing your path forward.