12/03/2025
Co-parenting is an art, not a science, but it must be based in fact, not fantasy.
The invisible unpaid labor that women traditionally do at home is reinforced nationally by a GDP that doesn’t count the labor of all those who care for our children, the elderly, and those with special needs. Only when our leaders take the time to understand this in their own home and families can they begin to address this exploitation in our cities, states, and country.
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17TrzFR2TH/?mibextid=wwXIfr
"Barack Obama once spent an entire Saturday following Michelle around their Chicago house with a notebook, writing down every single task she completed—laundry sorting, grocery list making, permission slip signing, bill paying, appointment scheduling, toy organizing, meal planning—because she'd exploded at him the night before screaming that he had no idea how much invisible labor she performed daily while he got to focus solely on work and politics because she'd constructed a household that functioned so smoothly he never had to think about how it happened. Michelle told Gayle King that watching Barack actually track her domestic labor for twelve hours was more impactful than any argument could've been, because by afternoon his hand was cramping from writing and he'd only captured a fraction of what she managed constantly while also working full-time at the hospital, and his face had transformed from defensive skepticism to genuine horror as he realized their household only worked because Michelle was doing the work of two full people. What history doesn't capture is that Barack's notebook from that Saturday became a turning point in their marriage—he'd documented forty-seven separate tasks Michelle had completed before noon, and when he tried to help with laundry, he realized he didn't know which clothes could be dried versus air-dried, didn't know where anything lived in their house, didn't know their daughters' clothing sizes or their pediatrician's name or when library books were due or which kid was allergic to which foods. Barack sat at their kitchen table that evening reading his notebook back to Michelle, and instead of defending himself or explaining why his political work was more important, he just said 'I've been a terrible partner—you've been running our entire life while I've been playing at politics, and I'm ashamed that I needed a notebook to see what you've been telling me for years.' That Saturday tracking exercise led to actual behavior change: Barack started handling specific household domains completely—he became the parent who did all school communication, who managed their daughters' activity schedules, who handled grocery shopping every week—not to split labor exactly evenly, because his travel made that impossible, but to ensure Michelle wasn't carrying every single operational burden while he floated above the logistics having deep thoughts about community organizing. Michelle later told friends that the notebook Saturday was when Barack stopped being a helper in their household and started being an actual co-parent who understood that raising children required invisible maintenance work, not just showing up for cute moments and delegating everything difficult to the mother who was somehow supposed to manage full-time employment and full-time household operations simultaneously without ever appearing stressed or resentful. "
