Relationship-School

It's that time of year, we head Home- or we re-member Home- or we determine never to go Home-
Regardless, there's lot of emotional triggers associated with the word Home. One of my times in treatment back many years ago at Center for Professional Excellence was my therapist Chip Dodd and he would talk about how when the reaction is bigger than the event, we have gone H O M E.. And he would draw that word out...like you can do in the South and get away with it..... You have gone HHH--OOO-- MMM--EEE.
We are human beings created with a nervous system that learns. It is imprinted with patterns from the time we are conceived. Many of us believe that if we can't remember something from our past, our childhood, it doesn't affect us. Oh, but it does. The body is the subconscious mind that reacts to everything. The article in my blog this month is explains why your body reacts to triggering events, people, places and things.
Enjoy the read, and if you're looking for assistance with Emotional Regulation, give me a call and we can set up a time to talk.

Why You React Strongly to People: An Internal Family Systems View Learn how internal family systems can help you regulate strong emotional reactions around people. Build self-awareness during a therapy session with us.

This is so true! As parents we react to our children. We get upset we get short we get aggravated and we wonder why we can’t stay peaceful and calm around our children. Somewhere inside of the parent is child that didn’t get the attention they needed.

Follow @responsiveparentinghub for more positive discipline + gentle parenting tips ❤️ Does this resonate with you? Do you often feel triggered by your child's behavior? I think many of us experience this, often without realizing it. Until we reflect on how we were raised and recognize the experiences that felt unsafe, we may not fully understand why our triggers feel so deep and intense. This is why identifying the root of our triggers is essential – to uncover why we feel upset or angry and where those emotions stem from. We're rarely taught how to process our childhood experiences unless we actively seek support or face these challenges head-on. A lack of safety during childhood can stir up a range of emotions, and when triggered, we might feel overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, or anger. Our fight-or-flight response can easily take over. Next time your child’s behavior triggers you, take a moment to pause and check in with yourself. Allow your emotions to surface, and try to release the belief that your child is responsible or at fault. Want to learn how to overcome your frustration and be the calm role model your child need? Comment OVERCOME and I'll send you the link to our 29 Day Overcome Your Frustration Parenting Challenge. Or click link in bio - Share this post with another parent who needs to see it - Comment below your thoughts and turn on your post notification 📢 #ConsciousParenting #GentleParenting #HealingYourInnerChild #TriggeredParenting #EmotionalAwareness #ParentingTriggers #MindfulParenting #CycleBreaking #ParentingSupport #EmotionalHealing #ParentingJourney #ChildhoodHealing #ParentingGrowth #InnerWork #GenerationalHealing #PeacefulParenting #ParentalTriggers #TraumaHealing #SelfAwareness #ParentingMindset #EmotionalIntelligence #responsiveparentinghub #fyp #foryoupage

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_sz_2SIO4H/?igsh=ODM1N3pjajZpbHdt

When someone teaches you as a child , that it is not ‘safe’ to be yourself, to speak up, or to show emotions, you learn to abandon those parts of yourself for survival and protector parts/ behaviours start showing up to keep you safe. ⭐️ A common protector part is People pleasing, because it soothes and distracts from any possible pain of feeling that core wound of not feeling good enough/ loveable, worthy, or important. Eg… “If I please everyone, make them happy and never disappoint, then I will feel safe and not risk feeling abandoned, rejected, a bad person, or unloved.” Protector parts are always showing up for you with a loving intention and to keep you safe from a ‘perceived’ threat of danger. ⭐️ IFS ( internal family systems) is an evidence based parts therapy that I use with my clients to help address and understand those parts by healing and lovingly reassuring them that they are no longer needed for survival, helping them to quieten down and not shout so loud. Not being able to be yourself and suppressing emotions can cause illness and disease. Healing is always about healing core wounds and bringing you back to yourself, so that you can finally live as the authentic greatness that you are ❤️ If this resonates with you and you would like help and support please message me for 1:1 coaching and a free discovery session ❤️‍🩹 #emotionalhealing#healingtrsumas#healingwounds#attachmentwounds#peoplepleasing#childhoodtrauma#innerhealing#ptsdrecovery#anxietyrecovery#depressionsupport#ifstherapy#traumacoaching#brainspotting#autoimmunedisease#healingaddictions

Dear parents:
PLEASE stop screaming at your kids. When you scream, you activate their nervous system into a stress response. Fight-(they can’t)
Flight-(where will they go)
Freeze-(they go here- which can become depression-dissociation-and who knows what else)
Fawn- (People pleasing-codependency-loss of self)

And then you expect their brains to work and get good grades. Now, the nervous system works to survive first. So it doesn’t understand the why of the stress response. It just knows the lions chasing him/her and they have to pick a survival response. Could you learn your grammar, math, science if you were on the run?

The thing is, if you don’t or can’t stop stress parenting—taking your stuff out on your kids—please do something. Get help. Read No-Drama Discipline. Kids are not adults. It’s your job to be the adult. Show them how to solve problems. They don’t have the cognitive development to figure it out, but they will will catch and hold all of the tension floating around your home. And often it lands unevenly in children where there’s more than one. And that’s the one that is ‘trouble’.

Found another good explanation for equine therapy

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C79fUlysWFS/?igsh=YTYwaHE1eXFkcXo2

Horses have an electromagnetic heart field 5 times bigger than ours ✨💙 Links to information in comments ✨ #healingwithhorses #electromagneticfield #vagusnerve

In Relationship work, often it’s assumed it’s just about coupleship. But relationships include how we relate to everyone in our lives.

Here is some really good information about toddlers. They aren’t little adults, yes we help them learn to emotionally regulate.

But don’t expect them to know how to do that…. You have to sit with them through the tantrums and show them they can calm down.

Don’t put the in a ‘timeout’ or room by themselves, you are then showing rejection of those parts of themselves.

What they learn? I better not do that cause I’ll be rejected. No they don’t say those words. They aren’t cognitively developed enough, but their nervous system knows instinctively that they aren’t safe.

So they learn to hide anger and other emotional states that aren’t ‘acceptable’.

So we create children that are so angry inside. And we then wonder … why are these kids shooting up dverythjbg!

This is from Instagram.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3CjOzgvMW1/?igsh=MTRxdmZsOTh0MW5reA==

I T ' S  D E V E L O P M E N T A L When we understand what is happening behind the scenes for our toddlers, their behaviours that push our buttons and make us internally scream "WTF!??" lose a bit of their weight and power. If we can understand that they aren't trying to drive us mental, they are just trying to figure themselves, their world and us out, it is much easier for US to regulate OUR emotions and to find empathy in these moments. That's not to say we aren't still pushed to the edge some days, because let's not forget that we are human too! Something that does help me in moments like those when the push backs, the defiance, the demands all feel like a bit too much, I have a few mantras that help me take that breath and approach my little one with calmness instead of joining her crazy. One of my favourites comes from Janet Lansbury's book "No Bad Kids":  ✨️"It's not personal, it's developmental." 🤯 ✨️ How simple, yet, profound is that!! A lot of our emotional responses to our toddlers come from a place of taking things personally. Why is she doing this to me?? What am I doing wrong?? When in reality it doesn't have anything to do with us. It's not personal, it's just developmental!  Now take a big deep breath and let that weight fall off your shoulders... It's not personal!! It's developmental!! If you are keen to gain more understanding of your toddler and learn about why they do the things that they do, you need our membership or as we like to call it "our toddler handbook". Our modules help you tune into your toddler, become a confident leader and help them with all their big feelings.  Do you have a mantra like this that you use? We'd love you to let us know below.  #toddlers #janetlansbury #nobadkids #tantrums #bigfeelings #development

https://www.threads.net//post/C3MZ_Sksfbt/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

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