Relationships Within Reach

Effective listening is one of the most challenging skills my couples have to master. Try this exercise with your spouse/partner/significant other which I pulled from a Gottman exercise to practice effective listening. Let me know how you did:
Think of an argument that you had with your partner that went unresolved. Create a list of all of the feelings you experienced during that incident. Have your spouse or partner take notes verbatim on what they heard you felt during the incident. Then ask them to repeat what you said to them while looking each other in the eyes. When they are finished, they are to ask you, "Did I get everything?" If they did not, tell them what they missed and have them restate the rest, afterwards asking again if they got everything. If they did switch places. Have them list all of their feelings, while you take notes. Afterwards repeat back verbatim what you heard about how they felt during the incident while looking them in the eyes. Afterwards ask if you got everything and if not have them repeat what you missed. Then repeat back to them what you missed, checking in once again if you got it all.
See how this feels in comparison to when you are heated in the middle of an argument happening in real time. Make sure you slow down and look at each other and do not add any explanations or questions to what you said. Just listen.

Thank you 🙏🏾 ❤️🔑🍎📝🎒🎓

It was cool to read that the model of therapy I utilize with couples, Gottman Method Couples Therapy, was cited several times (no pun) in this issue of Time magazine titled The Science of Marriage that I picked up the other day. I like this section about creating a culture of appreciation in your relationship.