05/02/2024
A Fathers desperate plea for help.
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I am the father of a just turned 20 year old gaming addict. Honestly, I should have sought out help and support years ago. I guess it's because my wife and I wanted to believe things would resolve themselves, that my son would eventually "get it". After all, he is a smart kid. It's just a phase.
I found out this weekend that my son failed the two community college classes he took in the spring semester. I had logged on to pay his fall semester tuition and his grades were posted. I saw the two F's. This is after failing 2 courses he took last fall. At that time we had the family discussion that we had had on several occasions back when he was in high school. He admitted at that time that he stopped going to classes in order to play computer games. He was addicted to the world of Forte night. He said he deleted his account and was done playing as he realized he was messing up things big time. He agreed to take two courses over the summer, one he had failed in the fall, as a fresh start. We trusted him. But I did cut off his internet connection at midnight so that he could not play thru the night.
He would sit and appear to be doing homework during the week and whenever questioned as to how he was doing, he would say, "pretty sure I'm doing good." Yet he never had tests to show us and there was no way to check with the school. I had my doubts but wanted to trust him. Obviously it was misplaced trust.
I blame myself for this. I was the one who bought him a computer for his room when he was a freshman in high school. I let him play countless hours in his room instead of making him spend more time with the family. As his marks spiraled downward, we would have a talk, he would make promises, we would see an improvement, but then things would go back to constant gaming. I should have pulled the plug on things two years ago. I didn't. After barely graduating from high school, we talked about how community college was a new chance to get himself together and make a plan for his life. He wasn't gung-ho on attending but agreed it was the right thing to do. His first semester of four courses, he finished with a 2.0. He worked part time (18-20 hours/week). I thought he was on the right track. The following semester, 3 Fβs. The school won't let him back for the upcoming semester.
So this past weekend, I told him there would be no more gaming for him in my house. I took his laptop, I took his PlayStation games. I explained that not being a student, he was now not covered for any health benefits. I told him he needs to go find a full time job with benefits. His only response is "I know I messed up."
So now all he has is his part time job. He can't take classes. He can't play games. He has no real friends. I am furious with him. I want to give him an ultimatum, i.e., get a full-time job with benefits in 3 months or find another place to live. My wife disagrees and wants to give him time to "figure things out". He is not a bad kid. In fact he is a good kid except for his total lack of motivation to do anything other than play video games. I am afraid of what the next weeks, months, years hold for him. He is lost. I am lost. I am heartbroken by his lies and deceit. I cry for his wasted years. I fear for his future. I don't know what to do next.
James Knopf
Coaching & Counseling
www.jhkcoaching.com
917-797-7979
