09/15/2026
One of the most important things adults have to understand about children is this:
Healthy children are supposed to become less dependent on us over time.
That can be difficult for parents, grandparents, mentors, and caregivers because we remember when they needed us for everything.
But healthy development changes the connection.
Think about a baby in the womb.
At first, that baby is completely dependent on its mother.
The baby cannot survive without that connection.
But as the baby develops, there comes a point when growth requires separation.
The mother does not stop loving the baby.
The baby does not stop needing guidance, protection, or care.
But the relationship changes.
And parenting works the same way.
When children are very young, we make most of their decisions.
As they grow, we have to begin teaching them how to make decisions.
At first, we solve almost every problem.
Later, we have to teach them how to think through problems.
At first, we protect them from almost everything.
Later, we have to prepare them to navigate the world with wisdom.
That is healthy growth.
But sometimes adults struggle when children begin developing their own thoughts, preferences, personalities, and independence.
We can unintentionally interpret development as disrespect.
We can interpret independence as rejection.
We can interpret questions as rebellion.
And sometimes it is rebellion.
But sometimes it is simply development.
That is why emotional safety matters.
Children need room to grow without feeling guilty for becoming.
They need guidance without control.
Correction without humiliation.
Authority without intimidation.
Love without emotional manipulation.
Proverbs 22:6 says:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Notice the goal is to train them in the way they should go.
Not to keep them permanently standing beside us.
The goal is not lifelong dependence.
The goal is preparation.
We want to raise children who can eventually think wisely, choose wisely, regulate themselves, recognize healthy relationships, establish boundaries, seek God, and function well even when we are not standing beside them.
That is what healthy development looks like.
So when a child begins growing into a new stage, the question should not simply be:
“How do I keep them close?”
Sometimes the better question is:
“How do I remain a safe place while allowing them to grow?”
Because healthy connection should be strong enough to survive development.
Sometimes the relationship changing does not mean you are losing the child.
It may mean the child is becoming who you were preparing them to become.
