08/20/2026
This line and wash came after a session with my spiritual director a few weeks ago. I took a quick 5 minutes to sketch it out and only just finished it this week. During the session I shared that I trust that God is with me in difficulty. He preserves my life and my joy in suffering, equating Him to a life preserver 🛟. I trust that he will be with me in emergencies—even those that don’t resolve themselves tidily. What I don’t trust is absolute rest for the sake of rest in God’s care. There’s a message that has been deeply ingrained that says if I am not useful, I am not worth saving. I know I’m not alone in that well-worn path. Life has presented dozens of crises rising up without fail over the last 13 years, moving from one catastrophe to the next, some of which were truly life threatening to me or family members. God has held me and my beloveds in miraculous ways through those times. But those times have left me distrustful of rest without “purpose” and fearful of being too comfortable. I’ve gotten so familiar with the crisis that I seem to have forgotten what a normal nervous system feels like. So what represents rest simply for the sake of rest to me? Me in a hammock, swaying lazily in the gentle breeze of a warm day, listening to bird song, dozing… Simply being held. All this to say, I am learning. And I’ll continue to do so. My closing prayer with my director was the caption I’ve placed on this piece, a simple request: “Less life preserver, more hammock.” Yes, Lord, I’m grateful for the preservation of my soul in the midst of difficulty, but may I please have a little more hammock in my life? My desire is to trust you not only in dis-ease, but also in ease. Can I take a break from character-building and focus on developing this for a bit? Maybe you’re learning too? In solidarity, I pray for us both that we may learn to trust him more fully every day and in every season of life.
