06/21/2023
Let's congratulate Danielle!!! who celebrates 5 years clean and sober!!!ā¤ļø
"I always said this is the last time..
That after this last one I was gonna give it up and get my life together, but somehow there I was chasing the need to change how I felt- time and time again.
I would tell myself Iāll never be as bad those people (junkies). Iāll never do A,B or C. Until I did D, E, F, G etc.. I remember sitting there in the grips of despair thinking am I always gonna be like this? Wondering if people looked at me and not only saw the marks on my arms or my dirty hair in a bun that I hadnāt brushed in a weekā¦but do they see the pain in my eyes? The inability to love the shell of a person I donāt recognize when I look in the mirror? Waiting by the phone in a full body sweat for that little pack to come through knowing it didnāt matter that Iād been waiting all day.. Iād be okay when it got here and then Iād figure it out after that.
What an extremely false sense of hope I had. Showing up for family pictures mid-July in long sleeves.. I remember being a little girl with big dreams. I wanted to be a pharmacist (imagine that š) What kind of a 9 year old wants to be that? šš¤£The kind who knew how smart she was. Knew how to stand up for herself and never falter.
As I got older I started to see myself differently. I began to think I was too much for people and that I needed to be a more diluted version. When I put drugs & alcohol in my body it gave me a temporary sense of ease. It made me feel okay.
But I was never okay. Not even close.
Drugs took everything from me. My homes, my vehicles, jobs, personal belongings, relationships, accountability, integrity, my sense of self worth, my morals, my empathy, my ability to be a mother, the ability to love and be lovedā¦
EVERYTHING.
When I look back I donāt recognize that broken little girl lost in the world and in her own mental prison. I know that not despite everything Iāve been through BUT BECAUSE of everything Iāve been through that I am the woman I am today.
I have been amazingly transformed and I owe it all to Jesus!! He removed what wasnāt meant for me and brought a program and people into my life that I could never be the same without. Besides my family I have never known what it felt like to be valued and cherished like I feel from the people in my life today. I have the best friendships I have ever had today. I know that if I need someone I have so many options. You are so dear to me and I am forever thankful for each and every one of you.
I am far from perfect and I have so much still to learn and so much growth left. I am excited to keep digging inward to learn myself even more and expand my heart and mind to all this life has to offer. Whatās even more crazy is that I actually have things to offer the world and people around me today. All because I was given the gift of desperation and an opportunity and just the tiniest glimpse of hope from people just like me who helped show me the way.
My story was never over and just waiting for me to rewrite it. Today I have the power of choice and I choose myselfā¦
5 Years Clean & Sober by the grace of God"
āļø Addiction Helpline: (970)478-8998
āļø Addiction Hotline: (833) 330-2874
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