ELHS Class of 2007

08/30/2026

SAVAGE SUNDAY ROAST POST… MOVED TO MONDAY.

Because I said so.🤣

Kidding. It’s my kid’s birthday party today, and rather than rush a roast I actually want to give my time and attention to... I’m choosing my kid.

I know this is “just a social media page,” but along the way, it became more than that to me. I love this stupid page and I love making you all laugh. Weirdly enough, you guys keep me accountable too.

So while I’m choosing the obviously more important thing today, I’m also fully aware that I procrastinated myself directly into this situation.

Which means…

Today, you roast ME. 🔥

My ADHD. My procrastination. My inability to do anything before the pressure becomes medically concerning. The fact that I run this page like deadlines are suggestions. Whatever you’ve got. Fire away!

Come for my kid, though, and this immediately stops being a roast and becomes a true crime documentary. ☠️

Savage Sunday returns tomorrow.
Until then… roast away, aholes.

08/30/2026

IN LOVING MEMORY OF BRIA DONOVAN 🦋

August 29, 2006.

The day before we were supposed to begin our senior year, we lost one of our own.

Bria Donovan wasn’t just another classmate.

She was a fierce friend, an incredibly talented dancer, and one of those people who was simply loved by everyone. If you knew her, you liked her... it was that simple. Tiny in size, yet somehow taking up so much space with her personality, kindness, and the way she made people feel seen.

She was a star.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it always seems to be the brightest lights that leave us too soon. It will never make sense that Bria didn’t get the time she deserved.

What does make sense? Twenty years later, she is still remembered by so many. Still spoken of. Still loved. Still deeply missed by her friends, classmates, and especially her beautiful family.

Since Bria passed, the butterfly has become a symbol of her. Butterflies represent transformation, freedom, and the journey of the soul.

Although, I have a hard time believing Bria was ever a caterpillar. She never really blended in because she was meant to stand out.

But wings? Yeah. I can see that.

We just never imagined you would have to use them so soon.

Bria, we miss you and we love you.

There will be a place for you at the reunion, alongside a few of the other great ones we wish could be walking through those doors with us.

Some people leave this world.

The special ones... they leave pieces of themselves behind. They’re in the stories we tell, the kindness we carry forward, and in the hearts they forever changed.

Bria’s family has asked that we honor her by doing a random act of kindness. It’s a beautiful way to remember someone who made people feel seen, loved, and cared for.

Forever remembered. Forever ELHS Class of 2007.

08/28/2026

Let’s keep this party rocking and the sh*t talking.🔥

Donate $200 - aka "The Brandy Standard" - to our reunion and get a personalized roast! I’m honestly shocked I’ve only done two.

I need a new victim who’s ready to feel the heat!?

Who’s got the ⚾️(s)?
I double dog dare you.😈

GoFundMe in the comments.

08/27/2026

🚨FEATURED SPOTLIGHT ROAST POST🚨

This week’s victim: Luke Sacharczyk

Luke’s RSVP to the reunion is a YES!

Didn't question it for a second. The kid had perfect attendance his entire academic career and still brags about it. No wonder he never got mono.

His real name was Lukas. He didn’t like it. So his mommy legally changed it to Luke for Christmas. P is for Privileged. Imagine getting a rebrand from Santa.

Luke sat behind me in class one year. His energy? Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Don’t worry, he only made it halfway to 40. Way to go, Mrs. Sacharczyk!

Looks-wise? Flash from Zootopia. Yep, the sloth. Slow to speak, dry as hell, blank stare. Was he Processing? Thinking about girls? Who knows.

High school Luke loved friends, basketball, poker or anything competitive. He’d skip stock market class with Tremblay to play online poker while also ordering the Domino’s 5-5-5 deal straight to school. Bring that shiit back, Domino’s!!

He also prank-called students with Shenk using a Mr. Rogers soundboard until a younger kid threatened them. You out there? Now’s your time. Get him!

For an introverted, virgin sloth, Luke was a secret menace. He even put gum in a girl’s hair… then his mom, who worked in the nurse’s office, had to help get it out. I retract my compliment, Mrs. S.

Favorite class? Gym. Hated English. Well duh, you’re Polish. Relax, I am too. I can say that.

Good thing he liked Phys Ed because Luke played multiple sports. Baseball was his favorite. He mostly pitched and served as a DH. Impressive! Until you remember Nick Ahmed was on the team. Luke was basically the “Nick needs a minute” package.

Basketball? Rec. Mom coached and, annoyingly, they won trophies. Probably safer considering Ahmed played ELHS basketball too. Luke already puked pitching to him in practice.

Basketball would’ve finished him.

Then college happened and somebody released the sloth into the wild. Luke became a party animal and finally popped his cherry. See? Perfect attendance eventually pays off.

These days, Luke is Senior Director of Global Tax for a company that makes PPE. I’d honestly be more impressed with the DMV. (Hey, that rhymes.) At least he’d have stories. Luke’s a known penny pincher. Literally picks pennies off the ground. Keep him away from fountains. His real passion? Weather.

A sloth chasing storms? Holy cumulonimbus.

Unfortunately, his younger sister went and became a news anchor. First Ahmed, now your sister. Everybody finishes before him. Tall glass of water? Sure... lukewarm, though.

Nowadays he lives in Saratoga, NY. Oooh, fancy! Basically the Berkshires with a Yankees hat. Yes, he’s a Yankees fan too. Disgraceful.

He lives there with his beautiful wife and two daughters… none of whom he named for me. Really letting the family shine here, Luke. But the mini goldendoodle? Full government name given. Hey Poppie!

He pulled a Jenna. Well shoot! Here I am solving failed marriages one roast at a time. Poppie, hang in there, you good girl.

Luckily for Luke, he grew up to be a really good dude. Family man, hands-on dad, still playing baseball in a men's league, and someone who measures snow for fun.

Guess after waiting that long to lose his virginity, Luke got really into measuring inches. Growth looks different on everyone.

Luke, I forgive you for putting gum in my hair. Mostly because I love sloths. That creepy Snapchat sloth filter? Starting to feel personal.

See you at the reunion, Flash. Please bring your wife, Raquel. Yes, I figured out her name. We’re much more interested in her now.

Drop your favorite Luke story below or tell me who the secret menace in your grade was!

Please - like, comment, share, follow - ALL the things! If you’ve been enjoying these roasts, please donate to the GoFundMe. Deposits are due and sarcasm is not legal tender.

08/23/2026

🚨SAVAGE SUNDAY ROAST POST🚨

This week’s victim: Tina Hyland

Tina’s RSVP to the reunion is a "YES!"

Of course it is. Tina loves a party, lives for nostalgia, and has been babysitting the same group of idiots since middle school. Somebody had to keep these broads alive. Kidding, her friends weren't dumb. Tina ran with the smart and athletic crowd. You remember those girls. Let’s not pretend high school didn’t have cliques.

Smart, sweet, sneaky attitude. I found out she was originally from Springfield and thought, “Wow, okay this could actually get interesting.” Then she followed it with, “I went to Catholic school.” Never mind. No roast fuel there, just church pews and a lot of questions.

Favorite classes? Math and Latin. Ergo… smart group. No wonder she partied. Her brain needed PTO. She also did Work Study in the office junior and senior year, which triggered a few memories I’ll keep to myself. Tina was probably aggressively stapling papers and organizing files while the rest of us were trying to figure out how to leave school early. Nothing says wild teenager like willingly doing clerical work.

Curly red hair, freckles scattered across her face like God got a little carried away, sweet as pie, soulless… (we all know about gingers). High school Tina looked like Debbie from Shameless minus the teen pregnancy and family drama. Underneath all that wholesome energy? Secret rage.

She dominated soccer but somehow collected more red cards than trophies. She also ran track all four years and played basketball through junior year. Allegedly, she got yelled at for not cheering enough from the bench, so senior year? Basketball manager. Couldn’t bring the enthusiasm, so they gave her a clipboard. Aggressive on the field. Emotionally unavailable on the bench.

Tina also helped direct Spartanum, which somehow involved filming the opening at a private jet hangar. A private jet hangar, Tina? There’s the P I was looking for: privileged! Relax, Spielberg. It’s a high school talent show. She also did COPE and Key Club. Shameless behavior. Excellent extracurriculars.

When I asked her favorite pastime she said, "being with friends and driving around EL once we got our licenses." Just EL, Tina? Because I heard Rock-a-Dundee got its fair share of mileage. She also said, "soccer pasta parties." Ahh yes, a little scenic drive and then absolutely demolish a bowl of carbs? It’s all coming together.

Lastly, working at HomeGoods with her friends. Getting paid to gossip by the decorative throws and scented candles. That's peak suburban employment.

Also news to me: anytime her parents went out, the basement was open for business. Smirnoff raspberry vodka, Smirnoff Ice, basically anything they could get their underage hands on. Tina was such the mom of the group she once stuck her finger down someone’s throat to help them puke.

That’s not friendship. That’s field medicine. There she is... little Debbie.

These days Tina lives in Boston and is looking like a young Meryl Streep. "Death Becomes Her" face, suburban mom schedule. She’s married to Gordo with two beautiful kids, Madeline, 3.5, and Donovan, who turns 2 this fall. Gordo’s alive, nobody stole anyone’s fiancé, and as far as I know, nobody drank the potion.

Facebook confirms Tina does everything with her kids. Mother Hen energy is still alive. She works as an occupational therapist. So basically she wipes butts at home, then goes to work and does it with credentials. At least the professional version comes with benefits. I can see why she upgraded to margaritas and Pinot.

Tina’s parents are still in EL, and she still msotly hangs with EL people. She’s had the same gang since middle school. Tina doesn’t make friends, she collects lifers. Seriously, Tina has a huge friend group from our grade, plus multiple ’06ers through her sister. Their groups blended years ago and still get together with their kids for Friendsgiving, Christmas, and St. Paddy’s.

All the drinking holidays. Coincidence?

It says a lot about someone when they can go hard as hell on the field, then step off and be all love, light, vodka, and good vibes. That’s Tina. Tough when she needs to be, sweet when it matters, and always a good time.

If Tina made you laugh, kept you alive, or shoved a finger down your throat in a time of need, show her some love in the comments. We want to hear it!

Tina, thanks for finally being a good sport. Khakis, Jesus and now a public roasting. Look how far you've come! Can’t wait to see you at the reunion!

Amen, sister!

LIKE, SHARE & FOLLOW to show us some love. Let’s make the Class of ’07 famous for no good reason… except for being wildly sarcastic.

08/21/2026

🚨FEATURED SPOTLIGHT ROAST POST🚨

This week’s victim: Anthony Wright

Anthony’s RSVP is a YES!

I was shocked, until he followed it with, "I’ll go just to spite everyone." Ah, there he is. Knew I could count on him.

Anthony was the hardcore kid of our grade. Superlatives weren’t really his thing... probably because nobody wanted to nominate the kid who threw a desk at someone in the 7th grade. Plus, “Most Likely to Not Give a Fu*k” wasn’t a category. Cut-off shirts. Baggy jeans. Permanent stone face. Anthony Wright starter pack.

This man has always looked like John Cena, muscles included. High school and now. Sorry, Nico. But in school, Anthony was obsessed with The Rock. You guys, I swear that brow was lifting weights before Anthony was. The Rock had competition and didn’t even know it.

The energy? Pure Bart Simpson. Hates authority, brags about finishing in the bottom 10 of our class like it was the goal, and has basically been telling authority to eat his shorts since elementary school. No sarcasm there. True lone wolf. Even embarrassment feared him.

John Cena body. Bart Simpson rap sheet. Checks out.

Favorite class? "Lunch, because I would leave." Figured. Then "Work Study." Also leaving. And "Gym." Obviously.

When I asked about sports, Anthony said his grandma wouldn’t let him play because she "didn’t want me being more physical than I already was." Poor Gram. Smart Gram. She knew. No foosball for you.

He must’ve gotten the brains from her too, because Anthony played (and still plays) chess. Not in the club, though. Hard to find willing opponents when your transcript includes a flying desk, chokeholds, and body slams.

Favorite pastime was a whole conversation. Anthony ended it with, "Feel free to dumb it down." Sir, I thought you remembered me?

Short version: Anthony was a party kid. Bud Lights chased with Rubinoff. Yes, I said that correctly. Pi***ng his pants and drinking until the night stopped retaining information. At one point, two unnamed girls took a picture of "The Rock" and texted it around on flip phones. Apparently, the eyebrow wasn’t the only thing making appearances.

Like I said in my last roast about remembering snacks... I would’ve remembered it if it was worth remembering. Pebble energy.

After high school, Anthony ran amok. Literally. He traveled with the circus. They didn’t trust him with the rides, just the water gun game. Even carnies had boundaries.

Next up: IHOP, Friendly’s, and Dunks. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? Apparently breakfast. Somehow that turned into Lowe’s and Sullivan Paper. No theme. No direction. Just vibes and direct deposit.

But my favorite? The X Room. Yep. Straight man. Stripping in a gay nightclub. He raked in the money. Just the money. He made sure to clarify.

These days, he’s making green by cutting it. Went from stripping on stage to striping front lawns. Really, he just runs the w**d whacker, but that doesn’t sound nearly as impressive. Kidding, he runs a backpack blower too.

Anthony lives in Westfield now, single and working on himself. Underneath all the chaos, there was some real s**t. He struggled with addiction for years. You name it, he probably tried it. He got clean from the hard stuff in 2017 and genuinely, we’re glad he’s still here.

When you’ve been that close to losing everything, you learn pretty quickly what actually matters. Some people find perspective with age. Anthony had to fight his way back to find his. A few rock bottoms and more than one overdose scare later, Ant came back seeing life in a whole new way.

And Anthony... WE CAN SEE YOU! We are proud of you.

"We want some, so we’re gonna come get some." See you at the reunion, Champ.

Now tell me: who was the hardcore kid in YOUR class? The one teachers saw coming and immediately reconsidered their career choices. Drop them below.

And do the damn things: LIKE. SHARE. FOLLOW. We’ve got more roasts coming and an upcoming chance to WIN TICKETS TO THE REUNION. Details coming soon.



Addiction can get dark fast. If you or someone you know needs support, SafeSpot Overdose Prevention Hotline: 1-800-972-0590. No judgment. Just help.🖤

08/16/2026

🚨SAVAGE SUNDAY ROAST POST🚨

This week’s victim: Jonathan Moriarty aka “Jonny #5”

Jon’s RSVP is a MAYBE.

A MAYBE?!

FYI: It’s Jon, no H. Even his name came in the compact version.

This kid has his own beer named after him at Rustic Brewing and he’s turning down a party? I’m concerned. His Senior Superlative “Best Friend” lives up here too, and Jon’s still pulling the "depends on the date" card. Kyle, I’m so sorry. It's mad times! Jon, do you think Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart let scheduling conflicts interfere with their heterosexual life partnership? No. Figure it out.

High school Jon looked exactly like Arya Stark. (See pinned picture.) Final-season Arya, slicked-back hair, ready for war. Minus the war and the enemies. Well… and any real toughness. To be fair, Jon has brittle bone disease, so avoiding battle is probably just great risk management. He did share her ability to disappear in a room. Arya trained for years. Jon just showed up. Friendly, adaptable, and second shortest in our class, so blending in came easy. Then he’d open his mouth and try to convince you NASCAR is a real sport. We all have flaws.

ELHS didn’t offer car racing, so Jon settled for Ping Pong and Environmental Club. Arya would approve; she had to catch a cat. Jon had to catch a ping pong ball. Basically, the same training. Environmental Club? Jon doesn’t remember a damn thing. Yet somehow the NASCAR kid grew up, traded burning rubber for a Ford F-150 electric vehicle, and still calls it a truck. I can’t! Environmental Club wins.

Jon’s favorite class? Gym. Specifically, “floor hockey.” At his height, he always had home field advantage. Probably killed at knee hockey! He also loved cooking class with his crew, "Legends of the Hidden Temple." Their cooking skills were hidden too, because I don’t remember a single snack. Trust me, I’d remember the snacks.

Favorite pastimes? Friday night football games from the stands, obviously. Didn’t matter where Jon stood, he wasn’t blocking anyone’s view. Bestie Kyle and the usual crew were there. Weekends were at Trisha’s. Pool open, food flowing, secret Bud Lights kept cold. Opa!

I asked him where he lived. He said Florida. I fully expected Daytona. Nope. Tarpon Springs, a town known for Greek eateries and sponge diving. Guys, his destiny was already written. Trisha is Greek and Jon watched EVERY episode of SpongeBob with Kyle. The man didn’t move to Florida. He completed a prophecy. Becoming a Bucs fan, though? Positively, no. We recognize fate. We do not recognize treason.

Speaking of fate, Jon never wanted to move to Florida. He followed his parents and sister down and somehow met his beautiful Nurse Practitioner fiancé, Heather. Even Arya needed a healer. Jon required one full-time. They’re getting married this October, and now he spends his nights letting their chocolate Lab, Bailey, out. He may not have played many sports at ELHS, but look at him now: nightly cardio, Sunday spin class with Heather, no coach needed. Got milk?

These days, Jon’s a Business Analyst for JPMorgan Chase. Yep, I saved the thrill ride for last. Jon spends his days making sure "robots are processing" and "building things." Bub, that is not a job description. That sounds like a six-year-old explaining Minecraft. Honestly, the electric "truck" makes more sense by the minute.

You can usually find Jon and Heather at the beach, drinking IPAs and Crown Royal, smiling like the cover of a vacation brochure. Traitor move aside, we’re happy for him. Jon may be small, but he’s mighty where it counts: a great friend who’s humble, kind, and still close with a bunch of his high school crew. That speaks volumes… unlike his height.

Relax, he’s grown. He’s "normal size" now. His words, not mine. So maybe Jon really does get the Arya ending. Not killing the Night King, let’s not get carried away. I mean finding the white horse, riding off, and becoming a better version of himself. Look at our little guy go.

Started as Arya, somehow ended up a Baratheon. And shout out to Rossi for Jonny #5! Short Circuit core memory unlocked.

Class of ’07: drop your best Jon story in the comments. Everyone else: who was "the Jon" of your class? Tag them. Like it, share it, and follow along for the next victim.

📢HUGE NEWS: Be on the lookout! We have an opportunity brewing that could score a few lucky people tickets to our reunion! VIP treatment and a front-row seat to the chaos. Stay tuned.👀

08/13/2026

🚨FEATURED SPOTLIGHT ROAST POST🚨

This week’s victim: Jenna Molinari

Jenna’s RSVP is a MAYBE.

A maybe from the former-and-current party girl is wild. Not because of the partying. I’m just impressed she committed to a button.

Book smart? Questionable. Street smart? Absolutely. It’s carried the whole operation. Which tracks, because these days Jenna works in the laborers union with Warner Brothers paving, not Hollywood. (Shoutout 596.) She literally lays it down in the streets now.

High school Jenna gave me MAJOR Cleopatra vibes. The eyes. The hair. The nose. It ruled. Was she widely loved? Absolutely not. When you’re pretty, bossy, and can I get a P for privileged, hate comes with the throne.

If Jenna wanted something done, she didn’t do it. She delegated. True Italian energy: dirty laundry, clean hands. She was also basically a ninja. Jenna had a second-degree black belt. Her older sister Brianna (also a stunner, which is frankly sickening) got dragged along to watch her “break boards and perform sequences.”

Briana had the mouth. Jenna had the muscles. Did Jenna use those muscles on people? Nah. Unless you were a piece of wood or a jock. Party trick, anyone?

She played soccer and basketball until sophomore year, when sports started interfering with tanning and her social calendar. Priorities were priorities. And boyyy, was that calendar full. Older, younger, same age... if you were a hot jock, Cleopatra had you in her kingdom.

Favorite class? “I hated school.” Yeah. We gathered. Like a few others, she needed work study to scoop up those graduation credits. SPEDs unite. Relax, all the cool kids were special… in education.

Her favorite ELHS memories? “Smoking cigs in the bathroom and not getting caught,” immediately followed by “detention.” So… you got caught. Also: “house parties.” Finally, something believable.

PLOT TWIST🔀

These days Jenna is engaged to Taylor. A woman. A very pretty one at that! LGBTQ+ community? I didn’t even know Jenna knew that many letters. What’s crazier? Pulling half the hot guys at ELHS, then looking around your kingdom like, “Actually… I’m switching teams.” Diva.

She thought we’d be shocked. Babe… you drank Budweiser and Lizzie McGuire watched over you from above your bed. The hieroglyphics were on the wall. We weren’t shocked, Jenna. We just finally understood the clues

I asked about family. Jenna named her parents, sister, brother in law, nieces… and completely forgot her fiancé. Maybe we just solved marriage number one?

To be fair, I’ve met Taylor, so Jenna considered her accounted for. The second she realized she forgot her, she knew I was grinning. I’ll behave. For now. Truthfully, those two weirdos are perfect together. I watched them at a wedding. Disgustingly captivating.

High school Jenna: pretty, bossy, a little mean. Adult Jenna: still pretty, still bossy… just less mean because the union has rules. Was she everyone’s cup of tea? Absolutely not. Jenna’s not tea. She’s a zero-sugar Red Bull with vodka - strong, a little aggressive, and somehow always where the party is.

Underneath all of it, Jenna Jizzy is loyal, she shows up when it matters, and she’s the kind of friend you want in your corner! Literally. She’ll be in the corner. You’ll be up front.

Alright, we want to know: who from your high school turned out to be the plot twist you never saw coming?

ALUMNI: Drop your favorite Jenna memory below. Good, bad, questionable - we know there are stories!😈

08/12/2026

East Longmeadow buried a time capsule in 1976 and forgot the Tupperware lid. 😬

50 years later:
History? Wet.
Newspapers? Pulp
Free car wash coupon? MINT CONDITION.
Gas station? DEAD.

This is the most East Longmeadow sh*t I’ve ever heard.

Let's try that again. See you in 2076! Somebody bring Ziplocs.😏

East Longmeadow officials were disappointed at what they found in a time capsule buried in 1976.

08/10/2026

We’re not talking about that new school that isn’t even done yet.😏

We're talking about the OG East Longmeadow High School building.🏫

What happened in those halls that you STILL remember?

Sweet. Spicy. Unhinged. Questionably appropriate.😈🤍

Drop your ELHS story in the comments. We wanna hear ALL of it.



Thanks to Kimberly Prendergast for the 📸 its a classic 😘