08/08/2023
I went through this too but in a different way. I had gone through some pretty terrible experiences when I was young one of them, including my childhood boyfriend, trying to take my life at 13.
 I was already a singer in the public eye of my town since I was around 10 and when this happened, people decided whether or not I was a good person based on what happened to me. When I finally was able to leave for college, I started off with my first year at a very well-known conservatory for music, but it was in the same state where I had dealt with all that trauma.  Everywhere that I went people knew me as the girl “those things happened to.”
 Some of my friends had moved to southwestern Colorado and I went there on spring break. It was beautiful and everyone was so friendly that I decided to move from my esteemed conservatory to attend college at Fort Lewis College for vocal performance.
It was a very big step for me because my entire life had been me working towards getting into the conservatory , but my soul needed something different.  I needed to relax and stop being in a fight or flight and the Colorado mountains are what did that for me.
 Unfortunately, for me, my teacher and vocal coach at my college, had apparently auditioned for the same conservatory and did not get in. Because of that, she decided to use me as an example and make my life not so fun. Constantly nitpicking at me and even singing my entire Senior recital the week before I was to sing it.  She constantly scared me, one upped me, and made me feel awful about myself. She had no idea all the crap I had been through before I got to her state, but that didn’t matter because she had already chosen me as her target.  I learned a lot there because I was forced into being the best because if I wasn’t, I was constantly reprimanded. It turned me into a great vocal coach, but at the same time it made me want to be the kind of teacher who is caring and nurturing above all else. Because when it comes down to it, we are all people and we all deserve compassion and love.
It's amazing how old memories always come back to haunt you. 😢 My very first "audition" was in the 3rd grade. The school's music teacher Mrs. Morgan was auditioning kids to sing a solo for the graduation ceremony. I never really sang before that, but something in me wanted to audition SO bad. 🙏
Mrs. Morgan said, "Cheryl's next" and shaking, I nervously walked up to the piano. As soon as I started singing the whole entire class started laughing at me! 😭 I was SO embarrassed I wanted to climb under a rock and never come out again! I didn't want to go back to school after that and I told myself that I would NEVER SING AGAIN! 😡 I never auditioned for a solo or tried to sing in public again until high school!
So many of us have deep trauma linked to singing of people laughing at us, making fun of us and even TEACHERS who made us feel terrible about our voices. That trauma has shaped us and convinced us that we CANNOT SING even though we love singing and actually have a true talent for it.
I want you to know that there is nothing you love to do that you are not called to do in some way. I was silent for 6 years because people made me feel bad about my voice and MYSELF when there was a voice inside of me SCREAMING to get out!!
So today, sing a song, even if it's quietly in your car or when everyone in the house is gone. SING. Because it makes your soul happy! SING because it makes you feel free! I promise that I will be there too, in spirit, clapping you on! Sing baby sing, I'm so proud of you!
Find YOUR VOICE again at:
Cherylportermethod.com
