Here For The Hard Stuff

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This one is inspired by 's amazing book, the Conscious Parent.

She points out that if you ask 99% of parents what they want for their child, they would say, “to be happy”. But do we actually want that?⠀ ⠀

If that’s our goal in parenting, we are likely to fail many, many times. No human being is happy all the time. It’s impossible. If this is the goal we are setting ourselves, then if our children feel any uncomfortable emotions, it means we are failing them.⠀ ⠀

What happens when you feel like you are failing? Anxiety? Sadness? Anger? Fear? Shame? Guilt? When you’re feeling these things what tends to happen to your parenting?

It’s more difficult to stay present, it’s easier to get triggered by our child’s behaviour, our child senses our disconnection and is likely to do what it takes to reconnect. See how this becomes a slippery slope?⠀ ⠀

Every single emotion has a purpose and a place, so let’s give our children the right to feel every single one of them. Let them know that you accept and love them unconditionally no matter what they might be feeling.

The best way to do this is by holding space for their feelings. Giving them a safe and warm space to express them. Respect that they are valid, even if it over the colour of a cup or the way their toast is cut. ⠀ ⠀

If you find this very triggering, first remind yourself that your child’s emotions are separate to your own. As much as we try, we really have little to no control over our children's emotional reactions.

Take a few deep breaths. Then when you get a chance, try and get to the root cause of what makes you uncomfortable about your child’s sadness, anger, fear or defiance.

Once you begin identifying and letting go of your past hurts, being present with your child becomes less and less triggering.⠀

This is big, and hard work that we do as parents.

Know that I'm here rooting for you ❤️

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Many of us, when it comes to s*xuality, tend to do what we think we should do rather than what we’d like to be doing. We get stuck in ruts and disconnect from our imaginations. We would love to experience new things with our partners but we can be afraid to invite ourselves or them. A minor annoyance or a major impasse can both be catalysts for shutting down s*xually. Sometimes we’re “not in the mood;” other times we wonder if we’ve lost what once made us desirable to our partners.

We tend to think of these as s*xual issues, but really, it’s an erotic dilemma. Contrary to what we are taught, eroticism isn’t purely s*xual; it is s*xuality transformed and socialized by the human imagination. The imagination creates the plot. Flirtation, longing, and anticipation all play within our mind’s eye, where our erotic faculties live. And eroticism itself is a time machine. It’s activated by the pains and pleasures of our complicated pasts. It breeds hope and possibilities for the future. It makes us feel alive and utterly present.

Don’t know what I mean? Think about a favorite activity. Let’s say, you love to play soccer, tennis, or ping-pong. Last time, you won your game. Thinking about that win gets you excited about the next time you’ll play. At home, you wash your gear. You text your teammates to schedule practice. You check the weather. There’s a whole ritual that builds anticipation.

So why, when it comes to s*x, do people seem to think that just saying “do you want to have s*x” after doing the dishes is a sufficient warm up? Play ball, people!

Engaging in eroticism enables us to maintain a sense of aliveness, vibrancy, and vitality. As Octavio Paz has implied, eroticism is the poetry of the body the way that poetry is the eroticism of language. Don’t let a difficult phase be a death sentence for your s*x life or your relationship. Together, you can come through it.

Visit my blog “Bringing Home the Erotic” through the link below for five ways to create meaningful connections with your partner. https://bit.ly/3LnHah0

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repost

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If a rule doesn't make any sense then I'm going to struggle to follow it!

https://twitter.com/ashleysimpo/status/1383507037456277506?t=QCYICodMs6cD6jHci1Z1Xg&s=19

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Revisiting this powerful graphic created by Johnine Byrne from See Your Words graphic recording that can be a very useful resource in remembering and using Fierce Self-Compassion in daily life. Especially when the moments calls us to embody and take action grounded in fierce self-compassion. 💯

This graphic is also available on my Fierce Self-Compassion page - fierceself-compassion.org 🐻🔥