10/16/2026
Ugh. I didn’t even realize how much of this I was carrying until I became a mom.
I used to think rest was something you earned. If I just pushed a little harder, did a little more, held it together a little better, then I could *finally* exhale.
I used to believe love could disappear the second I messed up. One wrong move, one bad moment, one “too much” feeling, and suddenly - p**f - I f*cked it up, I no longer deserved love + support. I ruined it and deserve nothing good.
There was a time I thought big feelings were a problem - something to shove down, fix and make them go away. (Spoiler alert: They don’t just “go away” - they emerge in unhealthy coping mechanisms).
Even though no one EXPLICITLY said this stuff out loud, I still learned that your worth = how much you do, how easy you are, and how little you need.
And then… I had kids. And suddenly I’m looking at these tiny little humans who are messy, loud, emotional, imperfect, and there is nothing they could do to make me love them less. NOTHING.
They rest because they’re tired and they melt down because something feels hard and they mess up because that’s part of learning and growing. And NOT ONCE do I think, “Wow, you really need to earn your way back into being lovable.”
And I found myself realizing if it’s not true for them, it was never true for me. It was never true for you either.
So now, in the middle of the chaos, the noise, the overstimulation, I’m doing something completely different. I’m resting without earning it, and holding boundaries + love at the same time. I’m letting feelings be big without making them *bad*.
I’m not raising kids who have to perform for love, and in the process, I’m reparenting the part of me who thought she had to. The cycle doesn’t end in some big, perfect moment. It ends here, in the small, ordinary, everyday choices where we do it differently.
And if you’re here, reading this, trying, questioning, showing up in a new way, you’re already breaking it 🤍
