09/28/2025
When talking about consent, we often simplify it as a "f**k yeah, let's go" or a "no". When we educate this way, we are leaving out a lot. I know I've made this mistake in my education, classes, and resources - and I'm working to update it all.
Consent is an ongoing negotiation. You can change your mind at any time, to no longer participate in an activity, to try new things, to explore, or to stop.
As many of us discuss consent, we talk about drugs. I want to be clear here, as most people are on drugs (often called medication) that alter the body, including mood and other brain chemistry. I advocate for learning how you and your body respond to any new substance before jumping into negotiations that you may not be prepared for. Just like not getting behind the wheel on a new allergy med until you know how you respond, take time to learn how you respond before engaging in things you might not do "sober".
Making risk aware decisions is the key to consent negotiations - your risk profile will be different from the next person. Deciding what you are comfortable with is very personal, and it's important to remember that you don't have to have all the answers right now.
Reminder: coercion is not a negotiation!
To those who were misinformed or confused by my previously hard and fast "rules", I am deeply sorry. I strive to continue growing and learning and sharing these very human things with you.
What would you like added in consent lessons? Do you see consent information as helpful or lacking? I want to hear your honest thoughts here.
