Sandy Stillo, Ph.D., LPC-S, CHST

If you’ve experienced a significant loss, you most likely have experienced this STUG. This is a natural part of the grieving process. You’re not doing it wrong. It doesn’t mean you’ve “regressed.” These waves come out of nowhere when you least expect it. When it comes, just know that it’s temporary.

If you’ve ever felt like grief suddenly spikes out of nowhere, you’re not imagining it.

That surge has a name: a STUG.
Sudden.
Temporary.
Upsurge (of)
Grief.

Coined by researcher Therese Rando, STUGs help explain why grief can feel manageable one moment and overwhelming the next. They’re often activated by dates, memories, milestones, or seemingly small reminders. And while they can be intense, they are also temporary.

Knowing this can help remind us that these moments aren’t setbacks; they’re a normal part of how grief shows up.

Grief isn’t linear. And sometimes, it surges.

The old idea that grief has "stages," that it is linear and ends when a loss is accepted does not align with the way people describe their lived experience of grief and loss. Grief is not linear. Grief is messy, confusing, and unpredictable. Yes there are emotions including anger and sadness, and there may be denial, but there is so much more. There is physical pain that can show up anywhere in the body; there is mental anguish; there is fear. Then out of nowhere sometimes there is peace and happiness, only to be followed by a confusing bout of anger or even rage. Grief can make you feel crazy, like you've lost your mind, like your body is falling apart, and like you'll never be the same again. And truthfully, you won't ever be exactly the same as you were before the loss. That doesn't mean you won't someday feel better. Grief is complicated. Let's not try to minimize it and crush it down to fit neatly in a box labeled with stages. Let's learn about your grief, what it brings up in you, how it shows you what's really important, and how it can become less scary, sad, and frustrating. Grief is a process, an experience. If we will allow it and even welcome it, we can grow through it.

Natalie at Well Grounded Coffee is offering a free support group every Tuesday from 3:30-5:00. Stop by for coffee or tea and and meet Natalie. She provides a warm, welcoming environment. If you know others who might need support in their healing journey, please feel free to share this information.

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/16awfRCjkt/?

If you or someone your know has lost a loved one, pick up my free guide to navigating grief. This guide can be helpful to anyone who is grieving whether the loss is disenfranchised (including non-death loss) or the death of a loved one.

You can also sign up for information regarding upcoming grief workshops and retreats.

If you are a therapist and have an interest in working with clients who experience a particular type of grief, would like more information on workshops for facilitating the grief process, or need a consultation, I'd love to help. DMs welcome.

https://www.betterlifedallas.com/areyougrieving

It’s been shared that the US government may be defunding the National crisis hotline. That hasn’t happened yet. *For now, 988 Su***de & Crisis Lifeline remains operational 24/7, providing free and confidential support. Trans Lifeline is also still in operation in the US (1-877-565-8860).*

Therapists need help sometimes, too. IF YOU NEED HELP, please call 988 our 877-565-8860.

988 Lifeline At the 988 Su***de & Crisis Lifeline, we understand that life’s challenges can sometimes be difficult. Whether you’re facing mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns…

You are not responsible for the choices your clients make.

What immediately comes up for you when you read that statement?

Some find it uncomfortable to say this. If I'm not responsible for their success, then what's the point? If they aren't getting better, I must be doing something wrong. Being a therapist makes me responsible!

Does it, though?

What about autonomy? Clients have autonomy in making decisions about their lives. They can choose to do or not do whatever they want.

So what then IS your responsibility?

Your responsibility is to:

Know your limits--practicing outside your experience and training can be at best unhelpful, at worst dangerous for the client.

Seek supervision and consultation--you are not expected to have all the answers. It's your responsibility to seek the answers from others with more experience or specific experience.

Know yourself--know your triggers, know your weaknesses, know your strengths, know your beliefs, know your biases, and know when they are getting in the way.

Continue your personal growth--reflect on your work with clients and recognize what comes up for you personally. Where there is more to learn, learn it. Where there is more to heal, heal it.

Respect your profession--act ethically, know the rules, advocate, and continue learning.

These responsibilities belong to you. Be active in addressing these responsibilities. It won't always be easy and certainly won't always be fun, but it will define how you are known in this field.