04/25/2026
I am not the only person who has some form of PTSD. I cannot imagine the effect of it on war veterans who have sometimes seen stuff that makes my experiences seem like nursery school. Korean and Vietnam Vets, and subsequent conflicts endured some very horrific experiences. And equally disturbing is the effect of growing up in the inner-city of most of our major cities. There you here the sound of gunshots frequently and violent death is a constant experience.
And what of those who have been sexual assault victims? That is not something I have experienced so I can only guess that a natural outcome of such an attack is a high probability of having your hopes of physical intimacy destroyed, permanently!
I am so tired of being hyper-vigilant, a by product of experiencing, witnessing significant violence. I cannot begin to count the number of violent incidents I have been witness to or participated in. I am tired of interpreting events colored by the anticipation of harm.
I want to feel a sense of sweetness when appropriate. The curse of PTSD is that demons of darkness descend regularly when situations carry any hint of potential trouble. This potential may be completely invisible to others, but in my experience it is totally real. But being real does not mean I want to switch to high alert so readily. Even if it protects me. I would rather be vulnerable and oblivious sometimes. Because the odds are generally against the outcome of the threat becoming violent. It is my perception that is most disturbing.
Like I said, I cannot imagine what other sufferers of PTSD do about the mental and psychological machinations which accompany the mental illness. But my heart goes out to every freaking one of you.
May you be free from all suffering and find peace.
Buddha said, One who, while himself seeking happiness, oppresses with violence other beings who also desire happiness, will not attain happiness hereafter.
One who, while himself seeking happiness, does not oppress with violence other beings who also desire happiness, will find happiness hereafter.
