Agora Coaching & Training with Valeyne Grotrian

Agora Coaching & Training with Valeyne Grotrian Love your work. Love your life, too. Inner Leadership for individuals + organizations. Coaching • Leadership & Team Development • Workshops • Facilitation

We humans can get REALLY good at putting up with things.I certainly have.And weirdly, I think some of that can be traced...
08/13/2026

We humans can get REALLY good at putting up with things.

I certainly have.

And weirdly, I think some of that can be traced back to some VERY good advice my Dad gave me as a teenager...

He had 3 questions I had to answer YES to before buying something:

1. Do you want it?
2. Do you need it?
3. Can you live without it?

GREAT questions for a teenager who really did not need that shirt just because Heidi had it.

But somewhere along the way, I started using those same questions to decide whether I should get help.

“I don’t REAALLLYYY need a house cleaner. That feels indulgent. What if people think I’m selfish?”

“I don’t REAALLLLYY need a dog trainer. I should be able to figure this out myself.”

Or sometimes:

“I KNOW I need help. I just have no idea what kind of help I need.”

So I’d keep chugging along.

Because I could live with it.

What I didn't realize was that NOT getting help wasn't actually free.

I was paying for it. Just not always with money.

Which has me thinking about Dad’s third question:

Can you live without it?

Because I’ve spent a lot of my adult life asking a slightly different one:

Can I live with it?

And as it turns out, “I can live with it” is a REALLY low bar.

Especially considering the surprisingly high bar we sometimes set for giving ourselves permission to get help.

It has to be necessary enough.
We shouldn’t be able to do it ourselves.
We should know exactly what kind of help we need.
And we’d better be pretty dang sure spending the money will actually help.

Otherwise?

Eh, I can keep going.

But just because you CAN live with it, does that mean you should?

What have you gotten so used to living with that you’ve stopped considering whether you have to?

P.S. I’m a life and leadership coach, not a house cleaner, dog trainer, or pelvic floor therapist. 🙂

If there’s something in your life, work, leadership, or team that you’ve gotten used to putting up with, reach out and tell me what’s going on.

You don’t have to know what kind of support you need. We can start there.

I am 45 years old and I just learned how to do my own hair. 😂Not even kidding. I have naturally curly, kind of wild hair...
08/10/2026

I am 45 years old and I just learned how to do my own hair. 😂

Not even kidding. I have naturally curly, kind of wild hair, and until this year, I had absolutely no idea what to do with it.

I used to envy women with naturally straight hair who seemed to wake up, brush it and go. Meanwhile, my hair had a mind of its own (see exhibit A).

I didn't understand what products to use. I didn't know how to style it. I couldn't predict what it was going to do from one day to the next.

So for years, I straightened it (exhausting!!!) because I knew how to work with straight hair and I could at least have a little more predictability.

Recently, I took a class on how to work with my curls instead of against them and, no joke, it completely changed my relationship with my hair.

Someone finally taught me, step-by-step, how to work with one of the most natural and visible parts of myself.

And I LOVE my curls now.

They didn't change… I just understand them differently now. I know what they need. I know how to work with them instead of fighting with them.

And I can still straighten them. But now that's a different kind of choice than before.

So weird to realize I spent so much of my life trying to control, fix, and change my hair when so much of what I was struggling with was that I simply didn't understand how to work with it.

So of course this got me thinking about how often we do this with other parts of ourselves, too. 😂

Trying to change ourselves before we really understand ourselves.

But the more I've learned to understand myself, the easier it's become to work with who I am instead of constantly trying to change who I am.

To me, that's part of what being in relationship with ourselves actually means. Taking the time to understand ourselves before assuming something about us needs to change.

Apparently, my curls gave me a very literal reminder of that at 45. 😂

P.S. This is at the heart of Practicing Aliveness, my new eight-week group coaching experience: practicing what it means to have a strong, trusting relationship with ourselves.

Applications for the founding cohort are open now. If you're curious, reach out and I'll send you the details.

08/07/2026

We are all creators.

There is something deep within us that yearns to take form. To be expressed.

And yet, almost as soon as we feel that pull, the human mind can rush in:

What should this become?
How do I make it?
Will it make sense?
Will anyone care?
What am I going to do with it?

Those aren’t bad questions. Some of them matter.

But when those questions arrive before we’ve had the chance to fully experience what wants to be expressed, we can lose touch with it before it ever gets the chance to take form.

The desire dims.
The passion fades.
And what once felt alive starts to feel like work.

Maybe we don’t need to know what our expression is going to become quite so quickly.

Maybe we get to experience it first.

Listen to it.
Follow it.
Feel it.
Let it surprise us.

And then, when we’re ready, let it take form.

Have you ever tried to talk yourself into feeling more confident?I can do this.I’m good enough.I belong here.And then so...
07/16/2026

Have you ever tried to talk yourself into feeling more confident?

I can do this.
I’m good enough.
I belong here.
And then some other part of your brain says...

Yeah, I don’t believe you. 😂

That’s the problem with positive thinking.

I’m not against it. I like a positive thought as much as the next person.

But you can tell yourself you’re confident all day long, and if somewhere underneath that you still believe you’re not good enough, that belief is going to keep showing up.

In the things you avoid. The opportunities you talk yourself out of. The decisions you second-guess. The stuff you keep telling yourself you'll do later.

That’s what I want to talk about in Radical Shift: How to Shift Your Limiting Beliefs and Build the Life You're Meant to Live.

It’s a free, live 90-minute workshop I’m leading on July 21 about the beliefs we carry and how they can shape our choices without us even realizing it.

And no, it’s not going to be 90 minutes of me telling you to believe in yourself.

I mean, you will.
Ted Lasso and I are both pretty sure about that.

But telling ourselves to “be more confident” doesn’t change very much.

So we’re going to do something more useful.

We'll look at how a belief begins shaping the way you think, the choices you make, and, over time, the life you build.

Then we’re going to work backward. We'll notice the belief, name it, look at what it may be costing you, question whether it's actually true, and begin deciding what you'd rather believe instead.

Tuesday, July 21
12:00 PM Central / 1:00 PM Eastern
Live online and free.

I’d love to have you there. Drop "BELIEVE" in the comments and I'll send you the link to register. Or send me a DM if that's easier.

For the better part of the last 15 years, I've sat with parts of me that have said some pretty crappy things to myself.C...
07/14/2026

For the better part of the last 15 years, I've sat with parts of me that have said some pretty crappy things to myself.

Coaching others has a way of forcing you to do your own inner work…IYKYK. Because I couldn't sit with my clients in the flames of their unraveling if I wasn't willing to sit with myself in mine.

Sometimes those voices are loud. Other times they're sneakier. Just a dull hum in the background. Hardly recognizable on the surface while everything inside feels a wee bit wobbly.

They like to "what if" things to death.

"What if you fail and you're humiliated?"
"What if they think you're selfish for asking for what you need?"
"What if they don't like you anymore?"
"What if they finally see the real you...and realize you have zero freaking clue what you're doing?"
"What if they realize you're just paddling like a scared duck trying to get the hell out of the water?"
"And what if, when it comes right down to it, you're just not good enough...and everyone else knows it too?"

It hurts my heart to type those. If you've ever thought any of them, you're not alone. I know because I've said every single one to myself.

Including the day I received a manager award, walked into a conference room to a round of applause, hit metrics everyone said were impressive, smiled through the congratulations, and sat in my car afterward wondering when everyone was going to figure me out.

Gliding on the outside.
Paddling like mad underneath.

Ironically, I hear versions of those same thoughts from some of the most driven, compassionate, successful people I know. The more they grow, the more frustrated they become that those voices are still there.

They start asking themselves:
"I help other people through this. Why am I still thinking this way?"

But, growth doesn't erase those thoughts.
It does change how you respond to them.

You don't have to believe every thought your brain offers you. You don't have to keep making decisions based on fear, self-doubt, or old stories that no longer fit. You can learn to recognize the hum for what it is instead of treating it like the truth.

That's exactly what we'll be talking about in my free 90-minute workshop, Radical Shift: How to Shift Your Limiting Beliefs and Build the Life You're Meant to Live.

Tuesday, July 21 at 12:00 p.m. CT

Can't make it live? Register anyway and I'll send you the recording. It's free.

I'd love to see you there.

Register here:
www.agoracoach.com/shift

07/07/2026

I almost let "What will they think of me?" make the decision.

And I know this pattern well enough to know where that thought can take me.

What will they think of me? can become Who am I to be doing this?

And that thought can find its way right back to an old belief I know very well:

I’m not good enough.

Other people are better at this than I am.

There was a time when I probably would have stopped recording. I would have waited until everyone went back inside and told myself I’d do it later.

But I know this pattern now.

So I used one of the tools I teach in my upcoming Radical Shift workshop. I noticed the thought. I looked at the belief it was trying to pull me back into. And then I had to decide whether I was going to let it make the decision.

I kept recording.

Not because the thought disappeared. It didn’t. 😂

I kept recording because I know what happens when I let thoughts like that decide what I do.

I stay small. My business stays small. My impact stays small.

And who does that serve?

Nobody.

I don’t know what the version of this is for you.

Maybe it’s speaking up in a meeting. Applying for the role. Having the conversation. Starting the business. Setting the boundary. Writing the book. Asking for what you want.

But if there’s something you know you want to do, change, create, say, or become...and some old story keeps getting in the way...that’s exactly what we’re going to explore in Radical Shift: How to Shift Your Limiting Beliefs and Build the Life You’re Meant to Live.

It’s a free, live 90-minute workshop on July 21.

I’ll include the link to register in the comments

07/02/2026

I've been thinking about change management lately.

I was working with a client that's asking its sales team to move from a transactional sales approach to a more consultative, business partner role.

The immediate conversation was about training.

What skills do people need?
How do we teach them?
How do we reinforce the new behaviors?

Those are important questions.

But the more I listened, the more I found myself wondering if they were the first questions we should be asking.

I recorded a short reflection about it and would love to hear what you think.

The link is in the comments.

06/25/2026

One of the things I love most about facilitation work happens long before I ever walk into the room.

Before I open PowerPoint...
Before I build an activity...
Before I write a discussion question...

I ask myself three questions.

It may look like organized chaos...but it's become one of my favorite parts of the process.

06/18/2026

Many of the leaders I work with aren’t struggling because they lack capability.

They’re carrying self-doubt, overthinking decisions, and trying to navigate the opinions of everyone around them.
Sometimes the forecast isn’t the problem.

Sometimes it’s remembering to trust yourself.

What’s your leadership weather report today?

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Crystal Lake, IL

Telephone

+17042938596

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