Noise From The Penn w/ Ms.Castle

Noise From The Penn w/ Ms.Castle Hello welcome to my blog page I am a incarcerated woman who wants to share my stories and help people

10/22/2022

Hey guy's ! I wanted to say thank you for your follows and support. It means a lot to me & my son D'Andre. We will be discussing many topics in this blog. Most this stuff has a deep content that so many people struggle with. However this is necessary. People are sugar coating to much these days. It's not OK. Everything said is true here and I hope everyone can respect the people sharing their stories & opinions. I want the world to hear things from all aspects because it'll better help us understand why people are the way they are & possibly help them understand why they are the way they are. If not people can reach out & lend a helping hand. My goal is to uplift. Please share our blog with your family & friend's. God bless & enjoy.

10/22/2022

I have a close friend in here who has been incarcerated for 18 years. She was so young when she came in behind these walls. I am sad because I see people always trying to knock her down or say hurtful things to or about her all of the time. This is affecting her mental health and self-esteem. What I don't understand is how someone else who is wearing the same khakis, sleeping on the same steel bed's, rocking a badge with an ID #, doing time just like her can place judgement on anyone. Fact's. Don't judge someone because they sin differently than you. This is a woman I admire. She is DOING her time the right way & the best way she knows how. She gets up everyday for 18 years doing the same tiring routine and still has it together. I would've probably lost it. She looks amazing, works out daily, is in 2 colleges, works hard, is super intelligent, can chef it up with any ingredient, & works hard at the many job's people ask & trust her to do here in the building. To me they're haters & I wish she could see that more clearly & take away her pain. Not for nothing but these people placing judgements on her are actively using drugs/alcohol, committing crime's daily, and have been in & out of here more times than you can count over her 18 year bid steadily saying I'm never coming back. Like really. She's not telling you you look stupid and are lazy sitting on your asses waiting for m**hadone, sleeping, eating all day crying to people who don't want to hear it. Grow up & get a life. Woman need to stop knocking each other down & lift one another up. We're all broken in one way or another. Get it together. As for my beautiful friend keep doing everything your doing because you keep me going and helped shaped me into who I am today. You'll have your day & when you do it'll be one hell of a day. I love you and God Bless my sister.

10/22/2022

Some people we have hurt will use us as their scapegoats. Since we hurt them, they feel justified in sending us away with more than our share of the burden. They unconsciously place the blame for their pain so we can carry it away. As their scapegoats, we play the role of removing som**hing they were unable to deal with in any other way. Because of this they may never welcome us back. We should be prepared for this type of response and realize that their behavior says more about them than it says about us.

10/22/2022

We are responsible for the way our behavior has affected others. This is true even when we didn't realize we were hurting them. These unintentional sins need to be acknowledged and corrected as soon as we discover them. God forgives all of our sins however, these unintentional sins need to be accounted for along with the more glaring ones.

10/19/2022

Some Inspirational Quotes

Love & Forgiveness Can Operate On The Same Plane As Anger

I use to live in a lot of resentment. It doesn't do me any good to hold onto that. It actually does me better to let go

Grapes must be crushed to make wine. Diamonds form under pressure. Olives are pressed to release oil. Seed's grow in the darkness. Whenever you feel crushed, under pressure, pressed, or in the dark, you're in a powerful place of transformation. Trust The Process.

10/17/2022

I never thought I'd ever say I'm afraid to leave prison. The world has drastically changed during the past 8 years of my incarceration. You almost lose the concept of time and reality in a way. We see on TV or hear by word of mouth what's happening, new, or what the latest trends & gadgets being used are. They change so quickly I can't keep up though. I love how bold & daring fashion & makeup has become. I wouldn't even know where to begin with using the latest technology such as phones, smart TV's, computer programs etc. They ought ta give classes prepping us for these things upon release. Serious. Everything is electronic. I use to loving shopping at stores and now it's all online. On a more serious note people I know are dropping dead like flies of overdoses. How sad this is. Fetnayl is in EVERYTHING I hear. You can't even smoke a good ole joint of some chronic because I hear it's in that. Pills I hear are mostly made up with Fetnayl. On an even crazier note it's in crack co***ne as well. People come in here saying they take a hit of crack and fall asleep. What the hell? SMH. Then you got a crystal m**h taking over the drug game draining the life out of people looking like a zombie Apocalypse is in effect. When I lived in Cali back in the day it was a big time west coast thing. Not anymore drug dealers are making a killing off of cleaning products & Sudafed. You don't even know what your really smoking or shooting. That's insane! With violence at an all time high you're not safe leaving your house or leaving your children at school. What the hell is wrong with people shooting up schools killing innocent children as a hobby? Heartless bastards. People are getting shot at like there is no tomorrow over stupid beef. What happen to squaring up with your fist? You fought it out & let it go. That' how we did it back in my day. So many people are holding on to such terrible hatred. Go see a therapist for crying out loud and take some damn psych MED's. Just because you're not feeling the life you were dealt you don't need to take anyone else down with your mad self. Kid's don't know how to be kids today at all. You can't tell your seed's to go play outside until the street lights come on anymore. I use to make forts, go sledding, play hopscotch, jump rope, play dodge and kick ball with the neighborhood, go to the boys & girls club after school. It was fun. You got exercise as well. All of these children are obese because they play video games all day and don't move around. They also have little communication or social skills by living this way. What's going on with all the police brutality. Like really. Protect and serve my ass! Do you think your badge gives you the authority to pull a 1-8-7 on whomever you choose? Cmon now while we're doing hard time for little crimes at times you get a free shoot to kill pass. Why are most of these people black? You wouldn't try this without a clip in your hand because you'd get knocked out. # Black Lives Matter. Get a grip on who you're choosing to protect & serve. What if a bunch of black cop's started shooting up a bunch of white people? Would that be alright? Why not? It's OK when it's the other way around. Just saying. Homelessness is at an all time high. You got people building their own communities called TENT CITIES. How sad. Fix up all these abandoned and foreclosed properties and help the people. Help the people. Unite. Stick together. These ways make wanting reentry to society scarier than being in a prison. What can we do to fix this. We can't go on like this. Spread peace, love, & happiness. God Bless.

10/16/2022

My son D'Andre came to see me a couple of months ago. When I first saw him my heart skipped a beat. In front of my eyes was an amazingly handsome young man. So breathtakingly beautiful this experience was. He had matured so perfectly I hadn't seen him in a couple of years due to Covid-19. When he hugged me his strong warm embrace fueled my soul to get through any hurricane. Then he held my hands so tightly the whole time. I felt more love than I've felt since before I lost him & his brother due to my alcohol use. I've been dreaming for this day for a long, long time. I thank God everyday for second chances. Despite all of the pain he'd endured from my selfishness and stupidity he still loves & wants me to be a part of his life. He still calls me mom. I tell myself I don't deserve this. But then I think of all the hard work I've put into changing my behavior, getting clean & staying sober ( even in tough circumstances), & prayers said to make this happen. I'm so grateful. Jesus knows my heart. He knows my intentions & that my heart is pure & full of love even though I've made terrible choices. I didn't know how to be a mom but I knew I loved & needed my babies more than life itself. Without them there is no me. The problem was I didn't know how to love myself. My own mother struggled with alcohol. I never received the love & guidance a child needs to navigate through life. I had to figure it out on my own. Unfortunately it couldn't happen until I put the bottle down. I drank to numb the scars from my own childhood. This prolonged the process of reunification by far, tearing my boy's hearts apart & and making life for them uneasy. The guilt, shame, and pain I still carry everyday will never lessen. I'm incredibly sorry & will spend the rest of my life proving this & making it up to them. I hope my other son will come around someday. I miss him so much. This forgiveness D'Andre has given me allows for new beginnings. I look forward to every second of time he gives me. I could get lost in his eyes. They tell a story of their own. Now look here at me & him sitting here together sharing our experiences, strengths, & hopes with the world hoping to help struggling people like us get through. We'd also like to educate people who don't understand these struggles. If you want som**hing bad enough you won't stop doing what you've got to do until you get it. Facts. Sometimes you need a push, maybe it needs to be forced however it has to happen I will tell you once it comes around never let it go because 3rd chances don't exist.

10/16/2022

All I ever wanted was to be heard and not silenced, loved and not hated, embraced & not rejected, understood & not purposefully misunderstood. I am strong. I can be strong. When I am weak I might need a shoulder to lean on. When I cry I might need you to wipe my tears and not to tell anyone that you wiped them for me. It's not because I am ashamed, its only to protect myself. I'm upholding other people so we can get over to the other side. I won't be able to reach them unless I drop them.

10/16/2022

''Your past may have left some scar's but your future is still untouched. This will depend on the choices you make today.''

10/15/2022

Sometimes I wake up & have to remind myself: ''There is nothing wrong with me. I have patterns to unlearn, new behaviors to embody & wounds to heal. But there is nothing wrong with the core of me & who I am. I am unlearning generations of harm and remembering love. It takes time.''.

10/15/2022

Yesterday 3 of my friends from here got justice when an officer from our building was found guilty and convicted of sexually assaulting them in here while he was on shift. What a shame it is that you're not even safe from the people who are suppose to protect and serve. But yet these people are suppose to be are superiors. How sad!!! Most people are broken down enough when then come in here for various reasons & this is the last type of thing that someone should have to deal with. Do they think because we're inmate's we have no value? He's not the first to succeed at this. Unfortunately he won't be the last either.

10/14/2022

( I get so angry when I walk through these prison corridors and hear 90% of the woman on the phones yelling at whomever they're speaking with because they didn't put $ in when they said, send a card or write them. They accuse their partners of cheating or getting high because they didn't answer, and are quick to criticize how they or their parents are caring for their offspring. They're very whiny , looking for a pity party and someone to demand orders to. First of all ladies it is not your fist rodeo or anyone else's fault you're incarcerated. The world does not stop moving because you came to jail. Be grateful you have someone to help you, visit, or speak to you. I know a lot of people who'd love to have just one person to call or even write to. No one owes you any money. If they say they ain't got it RESPECT their wishes. People have bills. Some people are actually sleeping when you call, or are working. After all they're human right? Calm down and chill . Never bite the hand the hand that feeds you. You'll be lonely with nothing. Karma's is a bitch. At least your kids are clean, fed, & not in state custody because most are. Be reasonable when asking for som**hing & remember people have their own agendas. Be kind before they leave your ass behind. Who the hell do you think you are.?Be glad they didn't leave you in the dust Try saying thank you or how are you once in a while. Hey, I get it you don't want do be here but it is what it is. Stop stressing your loved ones out and do your own bid.)

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Cranston, RI
02905

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