Jones School Supply

09/03/2026

😂

Precious.

08/31/2026

08/28/2026

August Angst has arrived.

08/26/2026

😂

"Snack delay can go critical in seconds." — Hank D.

MAPLEFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL — A four-person nuclear containment team led by hazmat specialist Mr. Dunmore will be permanently stationed outside Room 101 beginning Monday, following a sharp rise in radiological-grade emotional meltdowns among the school's 22 kindergartners. The unit, outfitted with full protective suits and a decontamination tent, is cleared to respond to incidents ranging from minor snack-related instability to a complete loss of containment at nap time.

Kindergarten teacher Ms. Hollings, who has weathered the same classroom without protective equipment for six years, confirmed the threat level escalates daily around 10 a.m., noting that a single dropped crayon can "trigger fallout that spreads to the entire rug."

At press time, Mr. Dunmore's team had been forced to evacuate the hallway after a disputed turn on the slide reached critical mass, with the lead specialist conceding that no level of shielding currently exists for a toddler who wanted the blue chair.

08/26/2026

It's like Groundhog Day in here.

08/24/2026

Every day in my classroom is like Groundhog Day.