08/27/2026
Last week marked the 20th anniversary of me starting my first teaching job. There were celebrations in Chicago this past weekend that I didn’t partake in, but I got to see lots of reminiscing photos from former students, and have been reflecting a lot myself.
At the same time, I have been working extra hours at my part time job, which involves reading through and analyzing hundreds of transcripts of math tutoring sessions.
The tricky part is, usually the best way to help them is to not help, or rather, to help in a way that pushes them to help themselves.
Here are a few key reminders from these reflections:
Less talking, more listening. They learn by doing and through struggle, not by you telling or doing everything for them.
Just because they said they need help, doesn’t mean they actually do. Empower them. “Let me see you try.”
See what they can do before jumping in.
When you do help, try to guide them in small amounts or with questions, so that they can still be engaged and figuring it out along the way. Break it down, then stop helping as soon as they are able to continue on their own.
Helping can actually hinder or delay the learning process. The more we support kids in doing the hard things themselves, the more capable they become.
The pride they build in their own capability will keep them motivated to learn more. They start believing in themselves when we create the environment and conditions for them to find their way through difficult tasks.
Success and learning new things feels good, accomplished. Before you know it, they’ll be pushing you away, asking you not to help them because they want to show that they can do it themselves.
They are learning to learn, and taking pride in that.
It’s in these small moments of helping less and challenging more that they develop capability and adaptability.
This is what I’ll be doing with my own son and our kids at Apogee. If it sounds like something you want support with or want to join, let me know. It’s not too late. We start September 8th.