Both and Belonging

Both and Belonging Mindfulness Coaching & Yoga for parents of neurodivergent kids with Adi Sudarkoff.

Change your perspective! Come practice yoga with me.Are you near San Jose, CA?I teach public yoga classes at Corepower Y...
02/11/2024

Change your perspective! Come practice yoga with me.

Are you near San Jose, CA?

I teach public yoga classes at Corepower Yoga!

Mondays: Intermediate Heated Vinyasa (C2) 9:30am and Noon at CPY Wi******er
Wednesdays: Intermediate Heated Vinyasa (C2) 5:00pm at CPY Campbell
Thursdays: CorePower Strength 4:00pm at CPY Wi******er (not yoga, but a super fun, fast strength class!)

If you’re new to the Corepower community, your first week of practice is free! 👍🏼

Sign up at corepoweryoga (dot) com

If you could wave a magic want & make your life with your Neurodivergent / 2e kid exactly how you want it, what would it...
02/10/2024

If you could wave a magic want & make your life with your Neurodivergent / 2e kid exactly how you want it, what would it look like?

I asked my community this question the other day, and their answer surprised me.

They said: “I’d make my life exactly as it is now.”

I pushed a little harder. Like, “picture yourself a few years ago, when things were hard and overwhelming and frustrating…”

And they said, “I’d have it be what it is now. I’d wave a magic wand and have acceptance. That my life is exactly how it’s supposed to be. My kids aren’t problems to be solved: they’re exactly who they’re supposed to be. It’s all about understanding who they are and helping them be THEMSELVES, and loving them exactly as they are.”

In yoga, we talk about Santosha — the practice of Contentment — accepting that your life is what it is, in this moment, without judgement.

In our culture of MORE-BETTER-FASTER-NOW, “accepting exactly what is here” is a tough pill to take. Like, “I want things to be easier. I don’t want to fight my kid every day. I’m tired of this feeling so hard all the time.”

I get you. But listen — “acceptance” and “contentment” DO NOT mean that you can’t want more, or that change is bad, or that you just have to sit in the sh*t and deal with it.

Instead, acceptance is knowing that CHANGING YOUR PERSPECTIVE (how you see your life) makes all the difference.

Nothing in your life has to change for you to feel better about it. Because honestly? The only thing you truly have control over IS your perspective.

Having community support and a coach to reflect back to you truly helps your perspective shift. I couldn’t do it without my community— hope you’ll join me!

For 1:1 coaching, book a sales call at the link in my bio.

Trying to stop your Neurodivergent/Twice Exceptional kid’s meltdowns won’t prevent them. Here’s what to do instead. I us...
02/09/2024

Trying to stop your Neurodivergent/Twice Exceptional kid’s meltdowns won’t prevent them. Here’s what to do instead.

I used to spin out when my neurodivergent, twice-exceptional son was having a meltdown.

My heart would race.
My thoughts would race: “When will this end?” “How can I get through this?” “Why is this happening to me?”

I hated it. Every minute. I did everything I could to try and prevent a meltdown: make the Mac and cheese again. Buy different socks, hoping the next ones would be soft enough. Go from store to store, looking for the purple box ones, not the orange box ones. Anything. Because, the soft socks would mean getting dressed was easier. No meltdown! Because he only eats the purple box kind, and I don’t know what to do if we don’t have any in the pantry. He doesn’t like it when the Mac n cheese is too soupy, so this time I’ll add less milk, like how Daddy makes it… On and on… I felt crazy, but at least there wasn’t any screaming.

And when a meltdown inevitably happened (because having sensory differences and focus differences makes life challenging, sometimes. And you just gotta lose your sh*t to cope, you know?), I would do EVERYTHING I could to try and “fix” it. Empathize, suggest, question, suggest again and again… then nag… yell… scream… cry…

ANYTHING to try and make it STOP. Make the noise, the meltdown, stop (yup, Mama has some sensory differences too. Super introvert over here!)

And you know? Trying to “fix” it guaranteed things would go downhill pretty freaking fast. Because you and your kid and are co-regulating each other’s emotions — your emotions signal their emotions — and when you’re both dysregulated — out of sync, out of sorts, you spin each other out into screaming and yelling territory.

You think you need to control their emotions… when really you need to learn to live with yours. With practice and coaching, you can learn to stay calm and present, even when you're feeling strong emotions.

1:1 Coaching with me can help. I've been there-- I get it! Click the link in my bio to book a Sales Call.

Staying calm with your Neurodivergent/ Twice exceptional kid is losing their sh*t has everything to do with cultivating ...
02/08/2024

Staying calm with your Neurodivergent/ Twice exceptional kid is losing their sh*t has everything to do with cultivating your ownpatience, confidence and ability to observe (just WATCH AND WAIT) rather than react (FREAK OUT as soon as you’re triggered by their screaming).

But that sh*t is HARD. Patience takes practice. It’s not the sexy, snap your fingers, instant gratification solution we all long for in our society. But it’s the truth.

Patience takes practice, and Practice is forever.

Yoga teaches us that there’s no destination, no end point. The practice evolves as you evolve, grows as you grow. You’re always learning (and imagine how boring life would be if you got to the point where you knew everything!)

Life with your ND/2E kid is the same. You’re growing and shifting, evolving and changing together. Bit by bit, day by day.

You got this!! It happens in small steps, not all at once and it’s never “perfect.”

Can we be real for a sec? Perfectionism makes you quit. Take it from a recovering perfectionist— expecting yourself to get it right every single time will make you give up. You’re gonna f**k up. A lot. It’s ok.

And in order to see the change and progress, you have to be willing to notice the smallest shifts:

🌺 Are you living your value, giving compassion and encouragement to yourself and your kid for being yourself?
🌸Are you reacting less and responding more?
🌼Are you able, just for a second, to remember to take a breath— before the breath you take to yell at your melting down kid? 😂🥰

The magic is in the breath-before-the-breath. It’s the pause. The space where change happens.

It helps to have someone support you through this journey, who gets it and can see the growth you’re making when you can’t see it yourself.

For support and 1:1 coaching with me, book a sales call at the link in my bio.

Parenting tests us— our patience, strength, our values. (never our love, though… well… maybe sometim...
02/07/2024

Parenting tests us— our patience, strength, our values. (never our love, though… well… maybe sometimes. 🫣)

Parenting our neurodivergent and twice-exceptional kids tests us even more.

When they’re freaking out and losing their sh*t, or won’t put their shoes on by themselves, where do YOUR thoughts go?

Mine would sound something like, “I can’t do this. This is too hard. Why is this happening to me? We have to go! We’ll be late! I’m going to look like a bad parent. I can’t believe we’re doing this again. Just put your own freaking shoes on!!!”

The challenge feels like it’s about them, because we focus so much on them: their struggles, their challenges. Helping them, raising them, “treating” their diagnoses. Getting them to put their own freaking shoes on, already.

But really, it’s about us, as humans too. How we see, love, treat OURSELVES. It’s about our resilience, our values, our boundaries.

Focusing JUST on your kid instead of yourself makes parenting harder because you can’t change them or control them. You can only control your own responses.

They’re going to respond the way they respond, and for many of our quirky kiddos, meltdowns and sensory overwhelm are facts of their life experience.

It’s how YOU respond to the meltdowns that makes it easier to parent your neurodivergent/2E kid.

Knowing your true values and having tools to stay calm, mindful and present with their chaos helps you be a better parent for your unique child’s unique needs.

For 1:1 coaching on how to stay calm when your kid is losing their sh*t, book a free sales call with me at the link in my bio.

3 things to make parenting your Neurodivergent/2e kid easier. 1. Give yourself grace and compassion. You’re doing a gr...
02/06/2024

3 things to make parenting your Neurodivergent/2e kid easier.

1. Give yourself grace and compassion.
You’re doing a great job. No, really. Parenting an ND/2e kid is hard. Objectively hard. Their challenges become your challenges. But wishing it was different makes it harder, and stops you from realizing how much you do to help your kid, how much you love them, how you’re the exact human they need to guide them to be the best version of themselves they can be, in a world that doesn’t always “get” them the way you do. So give yourself understanding, acceptance and forgiveness for not always getting it “right”. You’re doing your best. That’s truly enough.
2. Yoga and meditation
Yoga doesn’t have to mean standing on your head, but standing on your head literally changes your perspective! Yoga helps slow you down, by teaching you to move with your breath. Meditation literally changes the wiring in your brain, to help you slow down. Slowing down helps you be more responsive to your life, so there’s a pause between your kid freaking out and you yelling at them. When you have that pause, you can watch and wait and maybe find a peaceful solution to whatever is happening , rather than freaking out and yelling every time something triggers or frustrates you. Like our ND/2e kids often can! The pause is a game changer.
3. Community connection
Find like-minded parents and share your experiences together! “neurotypical parents” just don’t get it most of the time. “Just offer them one thing for dinner. They’ll eat when they’re hungry.” Any advice that starts with “just”, really. “Just make them do it.” Yeah, sure. It’s that simple. As ND parents, we’re pretty good at sharing resources: OTs, peds, strategies. But who’s supporting YOU? Who gets YOU?

Here’s where 1:1 coaching with me can help. I get it, because my kid is neurodivergent too. And I've found a way to make it easier and more fun... even though I still yell and get frustrated sometimes. It's part of being human!

Book a Sales Call at the link in my bio.

Confession: I used to treat my neurodivergent, twice-exceptional kid like he was a problem to be sol...
02/05/2024

Confession: I used to treat my neurodivergent, twice-exceptional kid like he was a problem to be solved.

I used to feel like there was something “wrong” with him. All his problems needed to be “fixed”— like, if I found the perfect strategy or therapy or reward system, everything would be easy. The OT, the ABA, the medications…

Then one day, when all the tools and strategies for “managing” my son were in place… he’d be “normal”… things would be “easy.”

Spoiler alert: They never got easier. They got harder. We all felt horrible— about ourselves… about each other… our family connection was reduced to reward systems and checklists.

It sucked.

I’d forgotten: we’re all human, with human needs for love and connection.

The thing is, the challenges my son faces are because this world isn’t designed for him, how his brain works, who he IS. I was raised in the same world, and it didn’t support me either!

I mistook this effed up society’s EXPECTATIONS for VALUES.

So, I got clear on my VALUES: what was really important to me, as his mom: it wasn’t meeting society’s expectations of “doing what I when I say it”, or fitting into a mold that doesn’t fit him.

I value helping my unique, quirky kid be HIS best self— the most HIM he can possibly be.

After I (mostly) got over the mom-guilt of treating my kid like a robot and acting like the Puppet Master, I filtered all the tools and strategies through my love of him & me & us: his dedication to Minecraft, his love of the Spy School books, the purple box of mac’n’cheese…

When you get clear on your values, everything gets easier, because you solve for what YOU care about, not for what you THINK everyone else cares about.

To get clear on your values and bring more ease and love into parenting your neurodivergent/2E kid with 1:1 coaching, book a sales call with me at the link in my bio.

Why to stop using the word “just” with your neurodivergent kid. And what to do instead.Do you find yourself saying & thi...
02/04/2024

Why to stop using the word “just” with your neurodivergent kid. And what to do instead.
Do you find yourself saying & thinking things like:

“JUST brush your teeth.”
“JUST put your shoes on.”
“JUST eat the broccoli.”
“JUST do your homework.”
“It’s the same mac’n’cheese! JUST the package is different!”
“JUST DO IT.” (HT Nike and eff you.)

For a lot of neurodivergent and twice exceptional (2E) kids, JUST doing something involves a huge amount of emotional regulation and executive function— the right mood, brain power and energy— to make it “click.”

In other words, that sh*t is truly hard for them!

So telling them to “JUST do something” doesn’t show them that you understand how hard it is. And keeps you from taking a breath and really figuring out how to support them (and yourself) when sh*t gets real and hits the fan.

What to do instead when you hear yourself say “JUST do anything”:

1. Take a deep breath. Inhale for a count of 5, exhale for a count of 5. Maybe walk away for a minute— (like a whole minute. Set a timer and breathe) if you can leave your kid safely.
2. Ask yourself: “CAN’T they? Or WON’T they?” Knowing the difference between ABILITY and WILLINGNESS helps you figure out how hard to push them and how much.
3. If all else fails, LET THAT SH*T GO. How important is this thing in this moment?
Are you losing your emotional connection with them? Has this become a battle of wills where one of you needs to “win” at any cost?
Then maybe it’s time for a shrug and a hug and a “we’ll get it next time… or the next time… or the next time…” 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

Remember: You got this! You’re exactly who your uniquely wired, neurodivergent and 2E kid needs to thrive.

To get support and coaching in how to let go of the word “just,” and stay calm and connected even when they’re losing their sh*t, click the link in my bio to book a free sales call.

Hi! I’m Adi and I’m a parent coach and yoga teacher. I help parents of neurodivergent and twice exceptional kids keep t...
02/03/2024

Hi! I’m Adi and I’m a parent coach and yoga teacher. I help parents of neurodivergent and twice exceptional kids keep their cool, even when their kids are losing their sh*t.

I’ve been living the life! My 2e, 12 year-old son is on both sides of the bell curve: with gifts and differences that make everyday life more complicated.

He’s both. And he belongs.

For years, I struggled with his meltdowns and challenges. I was embarrassed by his behavior in public, when he wouldn’t say “hi” or freaked out about unexpected things, like the texture of his socks or the lights and noise at the children’s museum.

I’d get frustrated and yell, nag, cry, demand. He’d freak out more, and the viscous cycle would went around and around.

Even if I looked calm on the outside, I was spinning out on the inside. What if.. he never puts his own shoes on? Eats anything but the purple mac’n’cheese? Gets a job… his own place…

What if this is it, for the rest of my life? Why is this happening to me?

Now I know that it’s not about me, or how he looks on the outside or what other people think of his behavior.

As parents, we’re here to help our 2e and ND kids exist in a world not designed for them, how their brains work, who they ARE. We’re here to love and accept them fully, so they can love and accept themselves and be the best “them” they can be.

But to do that, we have to love and accept ourselves too: as humans, who screw up a lot, get frustrated & exhausted and are doing our best. And who keep showing up, and showing love.

By getting clear on what YOU truly value and care about, and learning how to stay calm and mindful with your quirky, unique kid— even when they’re losing their sh*t— parenting becomes easier.

Because YOU are the perfect person to bring them up in a world that doesn’t always “get” or accept them for who they are the way you do.

Even if you still get frustrated and yell sometimes. Sh*t happens. You’re human.

Being mindful and accepting of how human you are DOES make it easier to stay calm in the chaos.

Learn more about 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call @ the link in my bio.

Address

Campbell, CA

Opening Hours

Tuesday 11am - 2pm
Wednesday 11am - 2pm
Thursday 11am - 2pm

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Both and Belonging posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The School

Send a message to Both and Belonging:

Shortcuts

Share

Category