BGI Consultancy & Education

Anger is your light.

When a child gets angry, our first instinct is to stop the behavior.

“Calm down.”
“Don’t be angry.”
“Go to your room.”

But psychologist Carl Gustav Jung had a powerful insight:

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Anger is not just a problem to eliminate.
It is often a signal.

A signal that something feels unfair.
A signal that a child feels unheard.
A signal that they don’t yet have the tools to express what they feel.

When we help children pause and ask:

• What am I feeling?
• Why did this upset me?
• What do I need right now?

…anger becomes something powerful.

Not destruction.

Self-understanding.

This is one of the most important skills we can teach children — turning emotions into awareness instead of shame.

Because the goal is not raising children who never feel angry.

The goal is raising children who understand themselves.

Phase 1: NOTICE (The Lantern)
Your goal is not to solve but simply to observe without judgment.
• What you see: Identify the specific behavior changes.
• The “I” Statement: Use “I” rather than “You.”
• Example: “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter in meetings lately and that you haven’t joined us for lunch this week.”
Phase 2: CONNECT (The Invitation)
Create a safe, private space and invite them to share, but don’t push if they resist.
• The Check-In: Ask an open-ended question.
• The Normalization: Acknowledge that life is hard.
• Example: “I just wanted to check in. I’ve noticed a lot of people seem overwhelmed lately; I was wondering how you are doing?”
Phase 3: LISTEN (The Soundboard)
This is the hardest and most important step. Listen for the feeling, not just the facts. Do not interrupt or offer a silver lining.
• Validate: Affirm their feelings are real.
• Repeat Back (Reflect): Show you heard them.
• Example: “This sounds like a really difficult, lonely experience. So you’re saying you’ve been feeling completely exhausted by the end of every single day?”
Phase 4: OFFER (The Light)
Instead of suggesting a cure, suggest a partnership. The goal is to move forward, but together.
• Use “We” and “How”: Focus on collaboration.
• Offer Specificity (But only if you can follow through): “Can I help you with X?”
• Offer External Resources: If the problem is persistent.
• Example: “I’m always here to listen. Can we sit together again later this week? If not, do you know that [resource, e.g., our Employee Assistance Program / the counseling center] can help with this kind of feeling?”