I teach Couples the relational skills needed to ensure their relationship withstands the test of tim
12/22/2022
Stay present with what your partner is saying (even if it's about you...it probably will be).
Sideline the urge to respond or defend or explain yourself. This is not part of the lister role.
I repeat: do not respond, defend, or explain yourself.
You will have your chance (if done correctly) to explore your experience when you are the speaker.
(We will talk about triggers and flooding at a later date).
Do your best to stay present and regulate your emotions.
Why not?
Learning from a relationship expert can be life changing for both of you.
This holiday season there is no greater gift than personal development. That gift can be for both of you.
If your struggling with some aspect of your relationship now is the time to fix it!
There is no greater challenge than relationship work. It challenges both the individual and the relationship simultaneously.
Those who seek coaching with a willing and committed heart make HUGE changes.
They key to it all is wanting it. Both of you.
Humor will get you places in your marriage.
Laughing with each other has so many redeeming and connective opportunities.
The real secret is having a spouse who’s willing to bring you thing things you forget, slip, fall, and lets you post. He’d do it again for me. Maybe with shoes next time. ❤️
Finally, all those years of jumping out of airplanes came in handy. 😜 He is totally fine.
I mean who doesn’t prefer a tickle fight to a real fight?
Wouldn’t it be great to have a relationship that doesn’t stress you out?
It’s possible!
Give your spouse (and yourself) the gift of relationship development.
Links in the bio.
12/19/2022
Remember, the whole point of listening for understanding is to walk away with a better understanding of your partner's experience.
In order to do this you must be curious about what their experience may be?
This is hard for many because whatever your partner may be expressing may be ABOUT you.
So from a non-defensive place, ask yourself I wonder what that's about for them or what that must be like for them?
You can ask things like "can you tell me more about XXYZ?" or "can you help clarify what you mean when you say XXYYZ?" All from a place of curiosity and non-judgmental.
12/15/2022
The listener role requires for you to speak only as a means of clarifying or validating.
The listener role is not about you. It's about your partner.
You are giving them the platform, space, and time to express themselves.
Any expression of your opinion can be invalidating at this time.
Don't worry, you will have a chance to convey your experience when it's your turn to be the speaker.
There are just some things with no easy path.
All relationships are work.
And preferably a mutual effort.
Instead of looking for and buying every “quick fix” make the investment in your relationship and hire a coach.
At the end of the day, it’s cheaper than divorce. And heck you might learn something. 😉
When trying to convey that you’ve heard what your partner has to say it’s best to not say “I heard you.”
Instead, say “what I heard you say is…(reflect back what you heard). Is that correct?”
I’ve only witnessed this working better about a million times.
I think it’s safe to say it works.
Give the gift of personal and relational development.
Or just give them more stuff they already have.
Or just ignore the urge you have to work on your relationship.
I’m sure it will be fine.
You probably won’t spend the same amount on coffee this year.
Like I said, it will probably be fine. I just wish I knew a way to increase the odds that it will be.
Oh well, maybe next year.
12/12/2022
Mindset is everything.
Ask yourself if you are truly ready to tackle the task at hand?
Do you want to be a better listener AND all the work that goes into it?
Because you can want to be a better listener but not be willing to go through the growth process.
Willfully acknowledge to yourself (and your partner) that you'd like to work on this part of your relational intelligence.
Willingness to grown and learn is key. I can give you all the tools in the world, but if you aren't actually willing to grow it doesn't matter.
12/09/2022
Do you know how to listen for understanding?
The first step to being a good listener is to know the definition.
Hearing is the process of perceiving sound.
Listening is to give attention to what is being heard.
Splitting hairs are we?
Listening for understanding is the process by which we are attending to what we are hearing for the purpose of understanding.
Not to form a response or form a rebuttal (which, let's be honest, doesn't always require you to understand the other person).
So instead, try listening to understand what the other person is attempting to communicate.
Listening for understanding is a mindset.
What mindset do you have when communicating with your partner?
I don’t think the average person realizes what therapists do in a day…
In fact , I know by the comments that are made to me.
“You just talk for a living.”
“I don’t get your job, what do you talk about all day?”
“Hey have you heard of XX? They have good stuff.” (Yeah, like 10 yrs ago).
“I can’t imagine your job. You must hear the craziest stuff.”
Gifted therapists are some of the most creatives souls out there.
The level of creativity needed to reframe someone’s current struggle is astounding.
And being creative all day, coupled with being empathic and being a holding vessel for a whole slew of other’s emotions is no joke.
And that’s just individual work.
Couples work is double the relationship management + modeling emotional intelligence + education + conflict management + communication skills + relational skills.
So yeah..I don’t just say “uh huh.”
The culmination of a decade + of refinement and mastery of my skills can make it appear simple but it’s not. No 2 days are the same.
The cost of quality treatment is usually less than the cost of divorce.
PSA: thank the therapist in your life. Chances are they bearing others burdens with ease and kindness. And that is a gift, that once experienced, is priceless and often overlooked.
For my fellow therapists curious about coaching, you can see me at Katie Read's Therapist Holiday Party.
It's a great chance to ask questions and hear other success stories!
This Friday Dec 2, 2022 at 1 pm MST.
Use the link to sign up!
For my fellow therapists curious about coaching, you can see me at Katie Read's Therapist Holiday Party.
It's a great chance to ask questions and hear other success stories!
This Friday Dec 2, 2022 at 1 pm MST.
Use the link to sign up!
Cyber Monday Sale!
Use code COUPLE30 for 30 % off my 12-week Couple's coaching package.
Or XMAS30 for 30% off my "2 Hours to Better Communication" mini-course.
Share with friends and family!
Explanations have no place in apologies.
Taking responsibility for the action or inaction is the whole point of an apology.
Trying to explain to your partner why you did what did usually does not help them.
Instead, it invalidates their experience by way of rationalizing or defending your behavior.
It basically communicates don’t feel_____ because if you understand why you won’t need to feel ______.
And don’t even get me started on “intentions.” I didn’t mean to do ____ is just as invalidating. I didn’t mean to do _____, so you can’t be hurt (is what it feels like when you explain behavior away with intentions).
Most wounds aren’t intentional!
Intentional or not it still hurt and that’s what you take responsibility for.
Phew, that’s it for now on apologies but there’s so much more.
Take this little bit of advice and don’t explain yourself. Instead listen and take responsibility for your part. The end.
It takes 2 to Tango.
Therefore, relationship issues are a mutual problem.
Rarely is it just one person’s issues in isolation causing the problems.
Bc even if you think that’s true and your partner is the problem…my guess is that your responses to your partner are likely not as perfect as you might think.
Mutuality makes all the difference in relationships.
This means we are both responsible for the relationship and it’s “issues.” It’s not a “me” thing or a “you” thing. It’s a WE/US thing. No matter the topic.
So you approach all conflict with a mutual mindset and shared responsibility.
If you struggle to accept what I’m saying, let’s talk. I’ll help explain why mutuality works even when there is a supposed “problem child” spouse and help you eliminate that mindset entirely.
I’ll also provide examples for how mutuality improves relationship satisfaction.
Want to stop seeing your partner as the problem?
Check out my “2 Hours to Better Communication” mini-course where I explain this in depth.
Link in bio.
If you haven't signed up for my FREE "Top 3 Conversation Do's" now is your chance!
You will instantly receive my video version and later receive my PDF version. Both are helpful and not exactly the same!
You will also opt in to receive periodic emails from me with some relevant relationship tips and education about coaching.
Visit the links on my page and sign up for my "Video Freebie."
11/04/2022
Today is my actual birthday! And I'm so excited to announce code BIRTHDAY350 for ONE person to receive my "2 Hours to Better Communication" mini-course for FREE!!
And if you aren't that lucky first person, you can use code BIRTHDAY100 to receive it for $100 for today only!
That's all I'm going to say about that! Now I’m off to celebrate! 🛩🇲🇽🏝
Hurry! Enter code BIRTHDAY350 or BIRTHDAY100!
If you are the LUCKY ONE please post a comment if you feel comfortable!
Links in bio.
11/03/2022
Connection problems?
Don't know how to speak to each other?
Don't know how to listen to each other?
I can help. Get connected. Learn how to do it.
Links in bio for my "2 Hours to Better Communication" mini-course or my 12-week Couples coaching program. DM me with questions.
11/02/2022
Birthday week continues! And 40% OFF! You must be crazy Marci!
I know, you thought I was turning 20 on Monday because of the 20% off....but sadly that's not the case. Also, 40 totally does not represent any specific number to me. It's just a number I picked.
But truthfully, as I was thinking through this I wanted to do something that spoke to my personality.
Offering a discount that is symbolic to me in a lot of ways both personally and professionally made sense.
Two of my core values are generosity of care and kindness with my clients. My hope is you find this discount to be generous and kind (as well as my mini-course being abundant in both).
Links in bio. Remember to use code BIRTHDAY40 to receive 40% off!
11/01/2022
Couples wait 6 years (on average) after the first signs of trouble BEFORE they reach out for help.
Maybe you've said "we need help." But don't follow through.
Maybe you've said "I can't do this anymore." But wake up the next day and everything seems fine.
Maybe you've said "I think I want a divorce." But see how upset your spouse is so you stay. Or look at your kids and say I can't do that to them.
Maybe you've been given the silent treatment for weeks on end. Maybe you're the one giving it.
Maybe you've fantasized about not being married anymore. Like all the problems would just melt away.
Maybe when "XYZ thing ends" things will get better between us...
Maybe if I just wait it will resolve itself...
I have plenty more examples. But if you've identified with just one of those, you might benefit from some relationship support. At the very least, learn some new ways of communicating.
What is the cost of acting on getting support?
It's less than not acting.
10/31/2022
It's my Birthday! And true to form, I like to celebrate all week!
Use code BIRTHDAY to receive 20% off of the $350 standard price.
My mini-course offers 2 hours of education for couples looking to improve their communication and conflict management skills from an experienced relationship coach!
I feel truly blessed to be at this stage of my career.
I know the demand for relationship help and I want to offer knowledge and strategies for couples who might be having difficulty finding the right kind of support!
Links in bio. Remember to use the code during checkout! Sale ends 11/4!
10/27/2022
Repair attempts don't have to be an apology per se. They don't need to be a gift or grand gesture.
It's a statement or action that attempts to repair what might be going wrong between the partners. Big or small.
Making a repair attempt is critical for any relationship that has experienced a rupture.
Receiving the repair attempt is just as critical.
So worry less about feeling like you have to do something huge to "fix it." Try saying "can we fix this?" See what that gets you.
Oh and the answer is "yes, we can sure try." Don't hold out on your partner for the sake of being stubborn.
If you’ve heard me say it once, you’ve heard me say it a thousand times.
Willingness to work on your relationship is the real game changer.
No amount of skill and training can combat an unwilling heart.
So before you start any work, be real.
Sit down with yourself and truly look deep into your willingness to change and be changed.
Even those who are willing, still struggle with change. But the willingness to flex and adapt gets them through it.
What kind of partner/person do you want to be?
🔗 in bio.
Nonverbal communication is powerful. It’s always so intriguing to me observe couples who do SO much communicating without ANY words.
It tells me a lot.
At the very least it tells me verbal communication is compromised, for one reason or another. So they’ve resorted to “not talking” to get the message across.
If it continues, you’ll eventually have a couple so disconnected and detached they don’t even really know each other.
You see, relying on non-verbal cues and passive aggressive gestures to communicate can lead to expressions of contempt.
It isn’t uncommon for contempt to be conveyed through a scoff, eye roll, or mockery.
Nothing communicated clearly…other than disgust or disdain.
The other issue with heightened nonverbal cues being used to communicate is that when we translate them, and we are often WRONG.
Because we filter the gesture through our biases. We can erroneously attribute meaning to something someone does nonverbally.
“Oh they just looked down when I answered…they must be mad…retract. Retract. Fix it.”
Did they say that directly? No. So unless someone says it directly, get out of the habit of reading between the lines. And ASK them what was going on for them when they looked down.
Healthy communication is about clarity, accuracy, and effectiveness.
And I get it, sometimes we don’t know what we are doing that is ineffective. That’s where I can help.
If you’re curious about changing communication patterns with you and your partner look at my “2Hours to Better Communication” mini-course. I challenge you to see what 2 hours could do for your relationship. It might not seem like much, but trust me it will challenge you!
Links in the bio.
I’m Marci Danielson and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Idaho. I have a B.S. in Psychology with an emphasis in Abnormal Child Psychology. I received a M.S. in Clinical Counseling Psychology from Cal State University, San Bernardino.
And while I have a lot of training in early childhood stuff, I found that when I moved back to Idaho my true calling was to serve couples and relationships.
I’ve received all 3 levels of the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy (by the Gottman’s themselves) about 10 years ago. I’ve specialized in relationships and couples ever since.
My methodology is about clear, accurate, and effective communication. And while that sounds simple enough, it becomes overwhelmingly complicated for most when you factor in emotions and individual experiences/histories within a dyad or relationship. I find most couples struggle not with the content of the conversation, but with the process of how they engage with the content.
I’ve transitioned the bulk of my work into coaching this last year. I love coaching mostly because I have taken the best parts of my “educating process” I use in therapy and offer the information in a digital platform, so couples and individuals can learn at their pace re: the principles of communication, conflict management, and relational skills. We then use our face-to-face time to laser focus on the unique concerns within your relationship. Our time is best spent refining the skills you just learned!
I’ve also created a mini-course “2 Hours to Better Communication” which is jam-packed with content re: communication skills and conflict management skills, and an intro into relational skills. It’s great for those looking for a quick but effective jumpstart to change.
My 12-week Couple’s Coaching Program has a no-fluff approach to learning and mastering the above-mentioned skills. There are video tutorials, digital worksheets, weekly emails, and 6 face-to-face couples sessions! My 12-week program includes my “2 Hours to Better Communication” for FREE!
10/20/2022
Another couple transformed.
All because they wanted it.
You can have all the knowledge in the world, but if you don't want it, nothing will change.
What type of couple do you want to be?
The greatest transformations I've seen are from couples that BOTH want it. It hasn't been because their problems were "easier" or any less complex.
The secret is BOTH parties wanting change. And being willing to change.
If you're both willing, I'm ready to help!
Check out my 12-week, no-fluff couple's coaching program where we tackle communication, conflict management skills, and relational skills (which push your relationship to the next level).
Links on the bio.
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