Notes from a Marriage Geek

Marriage and parenting advice for progressive couples with young kids- all about connection and attachment.

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Operating as usual

06/07/2024 for partners too!!

Silver Linings: Using the Gifts We Never Asked For 05/20/2024

Therapy friends- the workshop that Alexis Anttila and I are hosting in June was approved for 4 MFT CEUs including 2 for Ethics as we believe that doing the work on our childhood is the best guide to doing ethical work. Please share! Invite friends.

Silver Linings: Using the Gifts We Never Asked For Silver Linings: Using the Gifts We Never Asked For by Marriage Geek - Friday, June 28, 2024 12:00 PM at Richardson Nature Center in . Buy tickets and find information on Universe.


OMG!! I always remind my clients that if all goes well, we will all die with dirty laundry and an unfinished to-do list. Glad to know my boys can carry on.

Parenting Skills 101 05/08/2024

Friend and respected colleague Allison Peterson of Mindful Families is offering this parenting class.

Parenting Skills 101 Are you struggling to get your child do what you want? Are you and your partner unsure how to handle behavioral challenges?


We must acknowledge the impact of this both on ourselves as parents and on the wealth we are committed to bequeathing future generations.


What does crone wisdom look like to you? I feel so much better able to support those dealing with parenting and career development from a place of being a wise elder.

''Who is the crone? She is the most dangerous, the most radical, the most revolutionary woman in existence. Whether in fairy tales or in consensual reality, the old one goes where she wants to and she acts as she wishes; she lives as she chooses. And this is all as it should be. And no one can stop her. Nor ought they try.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD, The Power of the Crone

Artist, Glyn Smyth, aka Stag & Serpent

~ sana

Is Your Marriage Impacted by ADHD? 04/24/2024

It’s funny. I didn’t know I was ADHD when I became a therapist. It wasn’t until after my second son was diagnosed that I did the deep dive into my own neurodivergence. I’ve learned to embrace my need for novelty, autonomy and intensity. I’ve learned to manage my demand avoidance…mostly. I’m super attracted to others with ADHD which keeps things interesting.

I’m not shocked to hear that the divorce rate is double when one partner has ADHD. Our traditional views of commitment and marriage can be debilitating for lots of folks. I think younger generations will at least go into relationships more aware of their own brain styles, their own gifts and struggles. We need life accommodations, we need strategies. We need to stop hiding who we are in order to be accepted.

Is Your Marriage Impacted by ADHD? ADHD can affect marriage, but marriage can also impact ADHD. Learn how ADHD and marriage influence one another and find tips that can help improve your relationship.


I do not understand how no one is talking about menopause. Half the world…HALF THE WORLD! goes through menopause. Clearly women are just sucking it up, dealing with it alone. A friend recently made an appointment with her doctor to discuss her symptoms. Her female doctor never mentioned menopause, simply prescribed antidepressants and charged her $300. After talking to me, she called her doctor back wanting to talk about a more appropriate treatment plan given it was obviously menopause. Doctor said she’d have to make another ($300) appointment.

My own transition, age 48- 54 maybe, was the worst mental health I’ve experienced in my life. Therapy, lots of books, self-discovery and some HRT-hormone replacement therapy (ok…maybe the divorce helped)got me to the other side. Post-menopause is amazing! Like you’ve been living on a ship your whole life and finally living on solid ground.

Menopause means leveling up. Letting go of being driven by estrogen. Not needing to be nice. Not needing to people please. Trusting that you’ve got this. It’s wonderful but it’s also trial by fire. Leveling up is not without losing all that you thought you were.

In the first couple of years, when I didn’t know it was menopause, I seriously thought I was going crazy. I thought my life had been a lie. I should never have been a mother, I should never have been a therapist because deep down I hated people. Nope…but I did have decades of unexpressed anger that I had to burn through- insomnia and hot flashes and night sweats.

Let’s agree to talk about it more. Let’s normalize supporting half the planets often scary, often painful “change of life”.


Have you been introduced to Kristin Neff's Work on self-compassion? As therapists we have moved away from self-esteem to a model based on increasing self-compassion. Be nice to you! Cut you some slack! Be your own best friend.


What hard are you choosing? Reminding yourself that you do have some say in how you live life makes a huge difference in your outlook.

Writers Block? Maybe Burnout? Or Persistent Drive for Autonomy? 04/14/2024

Today I sent out my first newsletter in 4 years. If you didn’t get it and want to, you can sign-up on my website or just get the blog posts here.

Writers Block? Maybe Burnout? Or Persistent Drive for Autonomy? I loved blogging. I did it most Thursdays for over 15 years. Blogging taught me to write and gave me an audience. It led to me offering workshops and becoming a professional speaker. Then I fell off a wall and just couldn’t do it anymore. Read more here. Read my 2019-2024 Season Recap here. I......


In my experience, resentment kills s*x drive. Also as far as we’ve come as women, marriage often ends up with a traditional pattern of s*x focused on men’s needs.

Heal Your Birth Story: releasing the unexpected 03/24/2024

The Kindle version of my book is free for the next couple of days. Feel free to share.

Heal Your Birth Story: releasing the unexpected Not every woman gets the birth that she wants- you don’t have to let it go Birth can be beautiful and spiritual and joyous but there are also terrifying, emotionally raw, painful moments that can be difficult to move past. This book offers you a chance to experience the healing power of working t....


Keep the conversation going.


Hive mind! I want to start offering workshops and retreats again but space has gotten very expensive. I loved using the Richfield American Legion because it was cheap and people could get a burger and a beer. Right now I'd just settle for cheap. Things like libraries, parks, the government seem to be surprisingly anti-business or they just think I am made of money!


Oh this tugs at my heart strings. The voice of everyone's inner child.


After the truth came out about Trump and the pu$$y comments, I told my teen boys to ask their female friends this question. They (and their father) were shocked to hear mine. By the time I was about 9, guys at the creek started hassling me. I knew not to tell. I knew that the only choice my parents would have would be to keep me home more. I have spent my whole life negotiating my safety for my freedom.

Heal Your Birth Story 02/26/2024

This is super fun! Amazon just created an audio version of my book using AI that actually sounds pretty great! I've made it as affordable as possible for folks.

Heal Your Birth Story Check out this great listen on Not every woman gets the birth that she wants- you don’t have to let it go Birth can be beautiful and spiritual and joyous but there are also terrifying, emotionally raw, painful moments that can be difficult to move past. This book offers you a ch...


Yes! Every day!

Debunking "The Five Love Languages"? 02/16/2024

I am glad when people find the idea of Love Languages helpful, but it certainly has its limits. I’m the first to admit I envy the self help empire Gary Chapman has built on his idea but simple ideas can often do more harm than good. He also comes from a very traditional, religious background that isn’t very inclusive. Mostly know there are so many ways to love and be loved and they change all the time. Matching love languages isn’t a way to find a person that will be easier to love. We are all complicated, multidimensional humans who are often very hard to love.

Debunking "The Five Love Languages"? When science misses the mark.


I just completed taking a training in child-inclusive mediation. I often tell clients that we can’t help but put our kids in the middle of our relationship. That’s where they exist. We can honor and respect their experience. We can hear them.

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