06/14/2021
“Nice try, fa99ot!”
The three men continued walking by me, laughing all the way down the busy city sidewalk.
I’ll never forget this encounter. I was 28 and I had just had a fun night downtown in San Diego.
I was walking back to my car (probably more like skipping) when I noticed three men up ahead walking toward me. One of them raised a hand to give me a high five and when I went for it he took his hand away.
And then he hurled the slur and they laughed.
A pit immediately formed in my belly. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream at them, “Guys, that’s messed up!” I wanted to let them know, “WTF, I’m not even gay.”
As a skinny, sensitive boy and a victim of bullying, this was not the first time I was the target of abuse and certainly not the first time using homophobic slurs. But it was the first time in a long while.
Growing up, I know I didn’t have it nearly as rough as other boys who were more effeminate, skinny or artistic than me. I really felt for them, during high school in particular. It was brutal for them, especially in the more rural and conservative towns.
Though homophobia (and transphobia) runs rampant in Western culture, it is not always the case in other parts of the world. When I lived in Korea I witnessed so much brotherly love and platonic man-to-man intimacy and it made my heart overflow.
Yesterday while at a friend’s house, we walked arm-in-arm down his driveway to go see our daughters playing. He said, “This is just like we used to do in India.”
Remembering our true nature as affectionate men is a crucial part of what we do with Masculine Embodiment Facilitator. Whether it’s eye-gazing, chest tapping, massage or contact improv, our facilitators bring through the brotherhood medicine in a safe and consensual way.
I find it a bit sad that brotherly love must be retaught to men in modern times. I am encouraged to know that the men's work movement is creating spaces to remember that it is a good thing when men love men, regardless of their race, shape or orientation.
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