Sheila’s Family Child Care

When Respect Becomes Indulgence - Janet Lansbury Dear Janet, As a developmental psychologist and professor, I love your website and blog. You do a great job explaining an approach to child development that is accepted by many in the academic community (at least in my area of research). One issue that has been on my mind lately is how to determine....

A Question of Self-Worth - Janet Lansbury This isn’t what I’d planned to write today, but I’m learning that blogging isn’t always about what we want to write. Sometimes it’s about processing what’s making it impossible to concentrate on anything else. My focus as a parenting teacher and coach, and the underlying theme of every p...

via WholeHearted School Counseling

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"Childhood serves a purpose; it isn't something to "get through" or speed up. It's there to protect developing minds. To nurture young souls. So, let's give our kids the space to be unbusy. Let's unschedule. Let's "miss out". Let's hold the space for childhood. Because childhood isn't a dress rehearsal for adulthood."
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The reason implementing boundaries can be so difficult is because nobody wants the conflict that often ensues.

We all know that fulfilling parenting is less about ‘𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦?’ but, especially while we’ve got far too much on our 𝘰𝘸𝘯 plate, it’s too easy for our big ego to step in and insist ‘𝘐’𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦’.

Regardless of the issue, we insist that the same blanket-rule should apply, but it's that inflexibility and rigidity that can dismantle all our ‘peaceful parenting’ dreams, in a heartbeat.

Here’s 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 between a child who works 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 you, and not 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 you.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢 𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢.

Here are 𝟱 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 with your kids!

𝟭) 𝗧𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀

If your child hates setting the table, is it SO important?
Can they do another task and 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 be helpful?
Having a sense of '𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳' in the proceedings; rather than being overpowered; is key to avoiding combat.

𝟮) 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲

Give children notice around those points, offering countdowns wherever possible; i.e. 10 more mins, 5, 2 and 1.

𝟯) 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂?

Don’t assume that, because your child is nodding, that they’ve heard you; when they just want you off their back, they’re not really tuned in.
Ask them to look up, and at you, and to repeat to you.

𝟰) 𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 ‘𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗩𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲’

Yes, children may want it their ‘own way’, but they probably don’t like fighting any more than you do.
So, BEFORE the trigger point arises, explain your concern, then ask for 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 input. It's always going to be easier to implement boundaries that your child’s agreed to already.

𝟱) 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗪𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲-𝗥𝗼𝗼𝗺!

There's a lot of power in a little negotiation! If agreeing to two more minutes is the difference between a meltdown or not, it's not you 'giving in'.

Boundaries make for security, predictability and consistency; all very useful for children who’ve lived with a great deal of uncertainty in recent times; but they don’t have to be an electric fence!

💥 Brought to you by one of Neurochild's Brain Trust, Jo Stockdale with Well Within Reach
For the full post, visit:
https://cstu.io/c2465c

HENRY BIBB (1815-1854): an American author and abolitionist who was born into enslavement. After escaping from captivity to Canada, he founded an abolitionist newspaper, The Voice of the Fugitive. He returned to the US and lectured against enslavement.
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He was born to an enslaved mother, Milldred Jackson, on a Kentucky plantation on May 10, 1815. He was the eldest of seven enslaved siblings, all of whom were sold one by one until the entire family was scattered. He never knew his father and was even unsure of his father's identity. But he was told his father was James Bibb, a Kentucky state senator.

In 1833, Bibb married an enslaved mulatto woman, Malinda, with whom he had one daughter, Mary Frances. Motivated by the thought of freeing himself and later rescuing his wife and daughter, he repeatedly attempted to flee.

He successfully escaped to Detroit in 1842, where he began working as an abolitionist. He persisted in searching for Malinda and his daughter until he learned that Malinda had been sold as the mistress of a white slave owner. He gave up on his dream of reuniting with his family and decided to focus on the antislavery cause.

In 1850 he published his autobiography, “Narrative of the Life and Adventures of Henry Bibb, an American Slave”, which became one of the best-known narratives.

Soon after, Congress passed the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850, which greatly expanded federal powers to protect the interests of slaveholders and obligated Northerners to help owners recapture their escaped slaves.

Like many others, Bibb openly stated that he “preferred death to slavery”, so he fled to Canada with his second wife, Mary Miles Bibb.

He settled in Ontario and soon became a leader of the province's large African-American community thanks to his civic and political accomplishments. In 1851, Bibb founded the newspaper Voice of the Fugitive, which became a central voice of emigration advocates.

Thanks to his work as a writer and orator, Bibb was reunited with three of his brothers two years before his death. They had escaped from enslavement and settled in Canada, so he interviewed them and published their stories in the Voice of the Fugitive.

Bibb died at the age of 39 in the summer of 1854.
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Click for more info about the Black History 365 curriculum that is being adopted by public/private schools across America — www.BH365.org
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BACKGROUND: The life and adventures of Henry Walton Bibb is among the most remarkable narratives.

Bibb's story is different in many ways from the widely read “Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave” and Harriet Jacobs' Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl.

Bibb was owned by a Native American; he is one of the few ex-slave autobiographers who had labored in the Deep South (Louisiana); and he writes about folkways of the enslaved.

Most significant, he is unique in exploring the importance of marriage and family to him, recounting his several trips to free his wife and child. Bibb's compelling narrative of escape and recapture, of love and renunciation, is virtually unique in the annals of the narrative of the enslaved.

Bibb offers a striking self-portrait of a man caught between two worlds, a slave past that he could not cast off or forget, and a future in freedom to which he urgently desired to commit himself.
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The Freeman Institute Black History Collection owns a scarce first edition (1849) antiquarian book, "Narrative of the Life of Henry Bibb." First published in 1849 and largely unavailable for many years. An extremely important story. 206 pages.
"I was brought up in [Kentucky]. Or, more correctly speaking ... I was flogged up; for where I should have received moral, mental, and religious instruction I received stripes without number, the object of which was to degrade and keep me in subordination. ... I have been dragged down to the lowest depths of human degradation and wretchedness, by Slaveholders." -- Henry Bibb

— www.BH365.org