A good anecdote of experience and history can go quite a way with helping people connect. This is mine. I hope you enjoy my story. There's a TLDR section at the bottom for those who aren't a fan of reading
At the beginning of February 2015, life was pretty good. I was recently married, in a ton of debt, flailing to finish a master's degree in Marriage & Family Therapy with all requirements successfully completed years prior except the thesis. My job at the time (2012-2020) was working for a nonprofit as an in-home family counselor after working at two different outpatient clinics as part of my degree. Many of the families I worked with during my time as an in-home counselor were at risk of the child being removed from the home due to behavioral issues often connected to a formal diagnosis or trauma, or other reasons related to external factors. I not only worked as their crisis counselor but as the parent educator, the emotional support person, the therapist, and the parent accountabilibuddy when they were struggling with maintaining the tough choices consistently.
It felt as though I was living on call. My specialty ended up developing toward attachment disorders, violence, self-harming behavior, clients hurt by past therapists/workers, and severe issues with emotional regulation and daily functioning. At some point, the phrase “getting stabbed isn’t so bad after the first time” actually came out of my mouth in full sincerity. On top of my work relationships, I had minimal boundaries with people in my personal life and worked a second job doing customer support and organizing. I was a people pleaser and an overfunctioner. I kept saying everything was fine while ignoring, avoiding, and numbing all the things that weren’t.
In February 2015, I first experienced what vertigo and migraines are like. It started with a week out sick. It quickly increased from there, and before you ask, no, there was no identifying traumatic event and up to this point, I had thought migraines were just an excuse people used to get out of work. I was burnt out, in debt with no end in sight, and working hard to maintain a ton of relationships and systems that were toxic to my physical and mental health. My lifestyle by definition was traumatic and unsustainable. Two years later I was diagnosed with a chronic pain disability and Fibromyalgia. It took me 4 years to get to a place where I was actually managing my pain, not having a daily migraine, and even when my functionality was higher than it had been in years, it was still slowly and gradually decreasing. I didn’t want to accept it. I was very angry with my avoidance.
Therapy was required. A lifestyle change was needed. These decisions were not ones I wanted to make. I wanted to die a martyr, doing the much-needed work that I loved before ever considering cutting back. Therapy was and continues to be an eye-opening adventure where being a therapist myself, I took notes and considered daily outside of my sessions. A lot has changed. My life is significantly smaller, but my relationships and connections are immensely more positive and sustainable. I maintain a daily mantra of "Kind, Curious, Authentic, and Intentional" and I work my ass off to remember that in the moment. Practice makes better, perfectionism is a trap. I've taken up audiobooks and in all my nerdiness, most of what I listen to is about mental health, trauma, resiliency, and the importance of learning to live authentically with a focus on prioritizing personal needs and mental health. My body is still struggling, but I'm actively achieving in my pain management, no longer just managing, surviving, or on fire. Of course, some days are far better than others and I've been working on self-compassion and awareness.
Before the current international health crisis, I was slowly accepting that I needed to transition to a remote position to focus on my health and continue doing the much-needed work I love. From all of this has come Calm Fox Coaching. A coaching practice with a clinical lens that strongly supports therapeutic relationships while attempting to help clients maintain intention and achieve holistic growth on a daily basis.
TLDR Section:
- I spent 8 years working as an intensive crisis counselor in the homes of my clients. I've also worked outpatient clinics and have experience both with middle-class families and homes, as well as long term homelessness, severe mental instability, and substance dependency and abuse.
- My life fell apart due to my own choices to not prioritize myself, and my health tanked resulting in chronic pain and Fibromyalgia.
- I was busted, to say the least. Most of us are busted in one way or another.
- After many years, a lot of my own therapy, and a lot of work, my health has improved. I know I can no longer do intensive in-home work, but that doesn't change the clear need that I have witnessed during my years in the field.
- Calm Fox Coaching was created to facilitate the support of individuals and families in need while also allowing me to prioritize my own physical, mental, and emotional well being, just as I encourage my clients.
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