The Basic Life of Brooke

Making sure I give this past weekend a permanent home so I can always look back on it… Harper’s first “Nutcracker” performance. ✨ I grew up performing in this production when I was 8 years old and it’s held a special place in my heart ever since. (Swipe to see me with the ballet teacher who made me fall in love with ballet who is now 97 years young!) Being apart of it all these years later with my own daughter was beyond words. When I asked her if she liked being in it she said, “Yes, mommy! It’s my dream!” Little does she know, she’s mine. 🖤

PUT 👏🏼 IT 👏🏼 DOWN 👏🏼

Seriously. Put it down.

If you’re an empath? You’ll feel me on this one for sure.

It is EXHAUSTING to take on the feelings of others and feel them so deeply. It’s draining to be the one always trying to make a difference, be the listener, be the helper, be the fixer, say “yes”, take the task, paint the smile on… etc.

But hear me, babe. Not everything is yours to carry.

ESPECIALLY the things that are not in your control, but are actually in the hands of someone else.

When you’ve done all you can, that’s all you can do.

If you’re carrying the emotional load of someone’s issue that actually involves a completely different person? That’s for them and that person to figure out.

It is noooooooot your responsibility to play the middle.

You keep doing what you can, and let that load stay on their shoulders. It’s not up to you for other people to figure their s**t out and confront their own issues.

And guess what?

You’re still a freaking awesome, good, well-intended, loving, incredible, helpful, kind person EVEN WHEN you set that boundary and put that load down.

Seriously.
I promise.

(LOL @ me preaching this except I literally cannot let go 😭)

lyrics that immediately make me cry? 👆🏼”Don’t let this darkness fool you.”

You are not worthless.
You are not hopeless.
This isn’t it.
This isn’t your end.

These are things I have to repeat to myself often because sometimes my head creates a story for me that makes me believe otherwise.

If you haven’t heard of Noah Kahan and you haven’t heard the song “Call Your Mom” and you or a loved one struggles with mental health? You need to give him a listen.

I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that I’ll see him live on the beach this weekend. 😭 catch me sobbing in the sand.

Hands down my favorite picture from our wedding day 6 year ago — this hug after our ceremony was over. 🥹 We have had SO many belly laughs but also SO many unexpected hiccups and obstacles… but with each one of them, we’ve 10000% grown through it together. No matter what, your hugs have been my constant for all the highs and the lowest lows — you’ve always been my rock and my very best friend. I love you so so much. 🫶🏼

Why did I prop up my phone in the parking garage to take this selfie? Cuz I felt like it.

There are veryyyyyy few photos of myself in my camera roll as of the last 4ish years. There’s a million of my kids. A ton of my husband with our kids. A handful of me with our kids. Hardly any of me and my husband. And next to none of just me.

I also know that this is not at all a unique situation to be in as a mother because I’m SURE that there are other moms in similar camera roll situations.

Looking back at old selfies of me… is weird? I don’t even know who that girl is most of the time. I used to take them for me, now if it happens, it’s def for social media and not for myself. I used to take them because I felt cute or loved my outfit or wanted to remember a moment… Now I still capture moments but without me in them.

Tbh I don’t love myself right now (working on that) and I know that’s a major reason why I don’t want/have pictures of me.

But today, I feel so comfy in my outfit (because the FP hot shot onesie is hands down my best purchase of 2023) and while my shoes are SO chunky, they feel SO dang good on my sore feet and I’m actually digging my short hair (for once?) and I’m proud of myself for taking Cal to the library even though I was really anxious about it…

…so I took the selfie. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I may not love myself, but I love my kids and I know they love me. I want pictures of me (and us) for them to look back on one day. And *hopefully* when they do, they’ll remember me for the way I showed up and gave my best for them.

Hopefully I can look back at these pictures too and rather than pick myself apart, instead I can remember the same: that even though I know I was struggling, I still showed up and did the best I could.

So yeah. I felt like taking the selfie and I’m glad I did.

Today was the first full day that Harper was at school, which meant this was the first full day that it was just me and Cal. I’m not going to admit to how many times I cried…

As soon as Harper got out of the car, she ran away smiling and hardly looked back except to yell “BYE MOM!” 😭

As soon as we pulled away, Calvin reached over to Harper’s seat and cried “sister!” 😭

As we kept driving it was just silence in the car… 😭

As we walked to the library, I had both hands on the stroller with no little hand holding one of them… 😭

Everryyyyyyyyything we did today was quieter. I’m lonely without my little sidekick with me during every moment. My lap isn’t as full. My hands feel more free.

I know that at some point this adjustment will feel more “normal” but so far it’s just been messing my heart.

But today at the library, I looked over at Calvin coloring and I had a moment. For the first time (really ever) I didn’t have anyone else to look at other than him. He had every ounce of my attention. And I honestly felt like I noticed details about him that I haven’t noticed before. I felt so grateful and guilty all at once.

Motherhood is weird and hard and OOF.
Consider me emotionally unwell until further notice. 🙃

A random mental health bit: I’ve started trying to attach affirmations to different moments of the day — ex. drink a cup of coffee and tell myself “I’m going to be okay”, take my medicine and tell myself “I am stronger than my anxiety”, open my computer and tell myself “I have value to offer”… it’s small, but by building those habits into my everyday, I really hope to start rewiring my brain to think of those positive things more often than I do the negative.

Finally sharing my job update… 👀

I’m saying hello to a new contact role as a social media specialist for ✨😭

GRATEFUL is such an understatement! This part-time role is the perfect marriage of my heart for education, love of design, and passion for conversations about mental health. 🫶🏼

Here’s why!

Classroom Champions is an incredible non-profit that partners classrooms with Olympic and Paralympic athlete mentors to engage in lessons focused on the development of SEL skills. How freaking cool is that?!?! 😍

I am SO excited to jump into this role and support the amazing social team at Classroom Champions, so that this program can get into more and more classrooms. 👏🏼

The other cool news is that I’ll be balancing this contract position while serving as an adjunct professor this fall for an asynchronous online course for education majors at my alma mater! 🙌🏼

It’s no secret that I’ve been going through a bit of a “what’s my purpose” crisis over the past two years. Entrepreneurship has been a wild ride, but a really tough one… I feel like I’ve been pulling straws just trying to make things happen and continue providing for our family.

These opportunities couldn’t have come at a better time because I was truly losing my sense of self. I was TERRIFIED to even apply and I’m still scared! But I’m really proud of myself for taking the leap anyway (and super thankful for the inspiration and encouragement from ) because I truly am SO excited about the work that I’ll be doing. 🥹

I am SO ready to gain some stability in my life, find some balance, and feel happier in what I’m doing with less overwhelm and anxiety. Cheers to new beginnings! 🎉

A random late night post because I’m in my head 😮‍💨😞 Trying to figure out where you’re “supposed to be” and doing what you’re “supposed to do” is really really hard. It can bring lots of moments of anxiety, discouragement, disappointment, and over-thinking. (Hi, it’s me) But I’m really really hoping that our moments — of clarity, of peace of mind, of reassurance, of confidence, of success — are on their way to you and I. I’m trying to trust the journey but I’ve got a lot of self doubt trying to kick me in the pants and pull me down. BRB taking a melatonin so I can put my spiraling thoughts to rest and get some sleep. ✌🏼🤞🏼

Hello June! ✨ Exciting summer products coming atcha soon!

A little May dump 🫶🏼