Stop Wasting Handshakes

Givers Gain Everything in Life

“We can have everything in life that we want if we help enough other people get what they want.” Zig Ziglar

I was recently asked to give a 2 - 3 minute talk about BNI’s core value of “Givers Gain.” In prep for the talk I remembered that Zig quote, and realized “Givers Gain” isn’t just a slogan BNI’s founder, Dr. Ivan Mosner, came up with, but like Zig’s quote, it’s part of a powerful philosophy that redefines how we all should approach business and personal relationships.

At its core, the Givers Gain mindset means prioritizing what we can give to others over what we can get. It’s about shifting from a transactional mindset to one that’s truly relationship-driven.

And when we embody this mindset, we’re not just working on our own success—we’re actively building a foundation where everyone in our sphere on influence can thrive.

It’s humbling and I’m thankful so many people in my close sphere have the Givers Gain mindset. There was a time, not too long ago, I was questioning my thinking along these lines that Zig shaped back in the late 80s and 90s.

Thankfully, I let God continue to shape me, and I leaned further into Zig and Misner’s thinking.

Consider this when we meet someone for the first or hundredth time: we have an opportunity to make a difference in their lives and businesses. Having a “How can I help you?” or

“Who can I connect you with?” “What can I do for you?” spirit of giving creates an ecosystem where trust grows, relationships deepen, and opportunities flow organically. Instead of chasing leads or sales, instead of “working the room,” instead of just gripping and grinning, instead….we don’t just engage with them at the moment, we plan to stay engaged in some form or fashion.

And, over time we’re surrounded by people who are invested in our success because we’ve shown we’re invested in theirs.

When we extend a hand, give a referral, or share a resource, it sparks a chain reaction. People remember those who have helped them, and they’re naturally inclined to return the favor when the opportunity arises. Imagine a network where everyone is committed to each other’s growth—where each of us is motivated by the success of our peers.

That’s the essence of Givers Gain, and it’s how we’re able to transform simple connections into meaningful relationships.

Givers Gain encourages us to bring generosity into all areas of our lives. It teaches us that a mindset of abundance creates possibilities. When we share our time, talents, and resources, we not only expand our own network and opportunities but also lift up our entire community. It’s about creating a legacy of giving that benefits everyone around us, including those we may never meet directly.

So, I challenge each of us today:

let’s keep finding ways to embrace Givers Gain by looking for ways to support and uplift each other.

Ask yourself, “How can I contribute? How can I connect someone to an opportunity? How can I be a resource?” Because when we do this consistently, we create an environment where everyone is encouraged to reach their full potential.

In the end, the magic of Givers Gain is that when we lift others up, we all rise together.

That’s the epitome of…

“We can have everything in life that we want if we help enough other people get what they want.”

“…give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke‬ ‭6‬:‭38‬ ‭ESV‬‬

To that end…

Make it a great day because it is a great day!

Danny

Not a Life of Quiet Desperation-Living Conscious

Not a Life of Quiet Desperation- Living Consciously

“If the challenges you are facing are the ones life is throwing at you, then you are not yet living a conscious life” - Kain Ramsay

Living consciously is having a hunger, drive, and the desire to create intentional challenges. This raises our level of EQ and pushes us out of our comfort zone. Maybe it’s the intention to be a role model, to lead, to build, or to grow deeper in your faith.

I’ve been camping out in Hebrews chapter 11 the past week. It’s considered the ‘faith’ chapter by some of my theological mentors. Pondering and wandering around Hebrews 11 led me to Philippians 12:2 that tells me to “work out my salvation with fear and trembling…” Combine all that with the power of grace and….well, it’s beyond living unconsciously. It’s living consciously.

The Power of Grace

When I’m asked why I read so much, I quote Tim Keller, “I read so much because I’m so desperate.”

Henry David Thoreau, reflecting on how many people live unfulfilled lives, feeling trapped by societal expectations or material pursuits, rather than pursuing a life of purpose or personal satisfaction, said

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

Living a life of quiet desperation is living life unconsciously.

To that end….explore what it means to live life consciously and make your desperation be known.

Danny

Helping entrepreneurs connect their faith and work.

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#9: EQ Skills - Why should we focus on developing our emotional intelligence?

Improving emotional intelligence (EQ) is essential for personal well-being, success in relationships, and effective leadership. Simply put, EQ skills help us better navigate life’s emotional challenges and build stronger connections with others. Key EQ skills include emotional awareness……healthy beliefs about emotions…. recognizing emotions as data……………healthy emotion regulation………. adopting healthy strategies for expressing emotions. Developing these abilities allows individuals to better understand themselves, manage their reactions, and foster more meaningful relationships, ultimately leading, God willing, to greater personal and professional success.

Here’s what I mean by improving our EQ skills…..

Skill #1-improving our emotional awareness enables us to identify and understand our emotions as they occur, preventing us from being overwhelmed by them.

Skill #2-developing a healthy belief about emotions helps us view emotions as informative, rather than something to suppress. Understanding that emotions shape our experiences allows us to approach life more consciously.

Skill #3-by recognizing emotions as data we can make better decisions by understanding what our emotions are telling us about our needs and values.

Skill #4-Healthy emotion regulation ensures we manage difficult emotions constructively, benefiting both ourselves and our relationships.

Skill #5-adopting healthy strategies for expressing emotions ensures we communicate in ways that foster understanding and connection.

Developing these skills not only improves resilience but also enhances overall effectiveness.

And what can we connect in scripture about improving our skills associated with Emotional intelligence?

The Bible offers timeless wisdom about managing our emotions and with just a bit of research, I find scripture that aligns with these principles, providing guidance on how to be aware of, regulate, and express our emotions in healthy ways. By reflecting on scripture, we can grow in emotional intelligence and build stronger, more meaningful relationships with not just others, but ourselves.

The right verses offer valuable lessons for connecting our faith to our actions and beliefs and while grounding our emotional intelligence in biblical principles.

Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to "guard your heart," emphasizing the importance of emotional awareness. While our emotions influence our actions, understanding our emotions helps guide us wisely. James 1:19 teaches us to pause and reflect on our feelings, encouraging us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry,” a key practice in emotional intelligence.

Proverbs 16:32 values patience and self-control, illustrating the need for regulating emotions, while Ephesians 4:29 encourages expressing emotions in ways that uplift others.

#7: Attending to EQ, feelings of anxiety act as signals

Attending to emotional intelligence is essential for building a successful business. Business owners with good EQ are better leaders, decision makers, have stronger relationships with employees and customers, and foster a collaborative, trust-driven workplace—all of which are key to to a sustainable business.

Business owners with high EQ possess a better self-awareness, allowing them to recognize and regulate their emotions effectively. This self-regulation enables them to manage stress, remain calm under pressure, and make balanced decisions that take into account both the logical and emotional aspects of business challenges.

Conflict resolution is another area where EQ proves invaluable. High emotional intelligence can mediate disputes effectively, keeping tensions in check and promoting a culture of collaboration. This ability to resolve conflicts without escalating them contributes to a more cohesive and productive team environment.

Philippians 4:6-7 speaks well for someone with a high EQ: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Feelings of anxiety act as signals, pointing us to the need for reliance on God through prayer. This informs us of our spiritual state and invites us to trust in God’s provision and peace.

EQ or EI?

Emotional Intelligence (EI) and Emotional Quotient (EQ), while closely related, have distinct meanings. EI refers to the capacity to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions as well as those of others. EQ is a metric used to assess a person's level of emotional intelligence.

EQ involves a range of skills, such as emotional awareness, empathy, self-regulation, and interpersonal communication. In essence, it’s about how effectively an individual can navigate social complexities, manage behavior, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results.

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” Dr. James Dean

Similarly to how an IQ score measures intellectual ability, EQ scores quantify one's proficiency in the various competencies of emotional intelligence. These scores help to evaluate how well a person can identify, control, and utilize emotions in various situations.

In essence, EI represents the actual abilities and practices of managing emotions, while EQ provides a way to measure and compare these abilities. Developing emotional intelligence can lead to a higher EQ, enhancing personal and professional relationships, communication skills, and decision-making processes. Understanding the difference between EI and EQ is essential in personal development and coaching, as it helps in both self-assessment and growth in emotional capabilities.

To that end….

Danny

#2: Emotional intelligence (EI)
Using Emotions Effectively

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand, manage, and use emotions effectively, both in yourself and in interactions with others. It starts with self-awareness, which means recognizing your own emotions and understanding how they influence your thoughts, decisions, and behavior. Self-regulation follows, which involves managing your reactions, staying calm under pressure, and responding thoughtfully instead of impulsively.

"The way we experience emotion depends on the way we attend to it and think about it." - Paul Ekman

Motivation is another crucial aspect, where you maintain an inner drive to pursue goals and stay positive, even when facing setbacks. Empathy is about tuning into other people's emotions, understanding their perspectives, and showing genuine care. This understanding fosters deeper connections and makes you more relatable.

Social skills are the final piece, enabling you to communicate effectively, build strong relationships, and navigate conflicts smoothly. Altogether, emotional intelligence is about using your emotional insight to improve interactions and relationships, making life both at work and at home more productive and fulfilling.

"Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way". - Mavis Mazhura

To that end…..

Danny

DannyLSmith.com
LinkedIn.com/in/DannyLSmith

Danny L. Smith - Impact Coaching | LinkedIn Danny has been married to Cathy for 38 years, and they have two married children and five… · Experience: Impact Coaching · Location: Austin · 500+ connections on LinkedIn. View Danny L. Smith’s profile on LinkedIn, a professional community of 1 billion members.

EQ & Goal Achievement: The Connection is Embedded

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is a crucial part of setting and reaching goals, whether it’s in your personal life or your career. Over the years, I've seen firsthand (myself, clients and employees) how understanding and managing emotions can make a real difference in getting where you want to go. High EQ starts with knowing yourself—your strengths, weaknesses, and what truly motivates you. It’s about setting goals that matter, not just chasing something because it's the latest trend or because someone else said you should. I like goals, but I’m stingy with what I call a goal.

But there’s a big difference between setting goals and actually achieving them. Good EQ helps you manage your emotions, stay focused, and keep moving forward when things get tough. It's easy to set goals, but sticking with them takes grit and resilience. Life throws curveballs, and you need the emotional strength to adapt and push through.

When it comes to sticking with those goals, self-management is key. Life is full of ups and downs, and you have to be able to manage stress, stay disciplined, and adjust when things don't go as planned. This isn’t about giving up at the first sign of trouble and with low EQ you will give up. Achieving goals is about developing your EQ skill and using those setbacks as stepping stones to keep moving forward.

EQ also plays a big part in working with others. Most goals, especially in business, aren't achieved in isolation. Social awareness helps you understand the people around you, communicate your goals clearly, and build strong relationships. This is how you gain support and work well in a team, knowing that your actions impact others.

In the end, it’s emotional intelligence that keeps you grounded. It helps you set goals that align with your values, navigate the bumps along the way, and build the kind of relationships that make success not just possible, but meaningful.

“The goal is to discover what a text’s author meant to communicate through his written words in order to avoid “the intentional fallacy.”” …. “we are not trying to get into the author’s mind or even to derive his intentions. Readers are simply studying the text the author has written. We want to discern what the author “intended” to say in the text he or she wrote, no more. The author’s text is the object of study, not the author’s mind.”

— How to Read a Book: Advice for Christian Readers by Andrew David Naselli

“A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of ideas.” - John Ciardi

Lord Chancellor Sir Francis Bacon famously said that while some books are to be tasted and others to be swallowed, there are a few that must be chewed and digested.

- Worth Celebrating: A Biography of Richard J. Foster’s “Celebration of Discipline”