10/13/2025
Canadian Thanksgiving Weekend will always be memorable for me.
Thirty years ago, this weekend, I first spoke to the woman who brought me into this world. I had always dreamed of meeting her.
Our reunion was emotional with a lot of speedbumps along the road. It wasn’t the smooth sailing “happily ever after” narrative portrayed on talk shows featuring first reunions between adoptees and their genetic parent(s) or family members.
After being rejected again six different times by my birth mother, I finally had enough.
I wanted off of this roller coaster ride that seemed to have me strapped into an unhealthy dynamic.
After meeting several paternal family members ten years ago, I felt happy and more complete. I felt I had new to me family members who accepted me and that I could build relationships with without being dragged down by secrecy, guilt, shame and anger.
Despite being open about our reunion early on, my birth mother seemed to have regressed on her stance about the relinquishment and adoption that she and I both experienced.
I wasn’t aware of the depth of the fear and secrecy she still carried.
The identity of who my birth father is was still a secret to most people in the small farming town I was born.
Even 45 years (now 55 years) later, it seems the paradigm of “What will the neighbors think” keeps her mind trapped in the past.
Which begs the question: At what point do secrets of the past outweigh the voice of truth the adoptee who is searching for their genetic relatives?
Should and adoptee take on the shame, fear, guilt, anger, trauma, etc. of a birth parent and remain silent about who and where the adoptee comes from?
From my adoptee perspective, I don’t think an adoptee should have to be silenced by what others think.
Mel Robbins teaches the “Let Them” theory. Let others think what they want.
The next step in the “Let Them” theory is “Let You.”
Let you be who you want to be
Let you strive to achieve what you feel you need to do to feel whole and happy and complete.
To me, this doesn’t mean to be an A-hole to others, but to allow you to explore through your inner wisdom what works for you on your journey of self-discovery.
I chose to cut ties with my birth mother because staying in contact with her was not emotionally fulfilling to me or my life anymore.
There was more conflict, chaos and potential emotional upheaval out of nowhere when I was in contact with her.
The final straw for me was when she messaged me that she had wanted to take down my photos of my paternal reunion from my own page because I used the last names of my paternal family.
Then she wrote: You should really think about other people’s feelings.”
Another message that I should be quiet and compliant and live by the expectations of others (mainly her) instead of celebrating meeting several of my blood relatives.
That didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t respond immediately in a state of anger or panic.
I waited a few days before I responded. Then I cut contact with her.
For me, this severance was for good.
By taking this step, I took back my own peace and serenity.
If a relationship enhances your life then it is likely healthy for you
If it drains you, then it’s likely not healthy and time to see if it’s best to walk away.
You don’t need to listen to thoughts of “Should’ve, Could’ve, or Would’ve”
You don’t need to buy into the narrative that you are responsible for how others think or feel because you are not.
You don’t need to make yourself feel guilty with your own low level thinking.
You just need to practice self-care and take care of yourself.
Thank you for reading. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving.
Daryn Watson
