Habits of Discourse

When navigating difficult conversations, simply learning more about a contentious topic, or engaging on something we are passionate about, we may be tripped up by our own emotional responses or the responses of others. How can you improve your emotional awareness, and what impact might that have on your ability to dialogue better?

What might it mean if someone else is responding with a different level of intensity to a topic than you are? As we improve our emotional awareness, approaching conversations with a greater sense of curiosity (asking clarifying questions about what we are seeing and hearing) and being open about how we are feeling (expressing to someone how something has made you feel) can help propel us into a healthier dynamic.

"You listen badly, and you read even worse. Except when the talk or the book is about yourself. Then you pay careful attention. Are you so observant of yourself?"
Dag Hammarskjöld, 2nd Secretary General of the UN 1953-61

Just wrapped up a third year of civil discourse training (and teaching a couple of classes this time!) through the at ! Salina, Kansas, really has something special going on in the heart of the country.

Every year around the Fourth of July, I read Frederick Douglass's colloquially named "What To the Slave Is the Fourth of July?" and each time it provokes something different for me. How are we to be the wind, steam, and lightening chartering forward a better country and better world? Where does discourse fit in to linking nations together, whether across oceans or nations within our country's borders? What does the hypocrisy of the Fourth of July that Douglass points out teach us about engaging with one another?

As I've mentioned before, to some, this piece will be familiar and affirming, and reading it may be reminder of the greater work ahead. For others, this piece may be new, unsettling or even angering. I find there is something to learn each time I read it.

Text in the post: "Walled cities and empires have become unfashionable. The arm of commerce has borne away the gates of the strong city. Intelligence is penetrating the darkest corners of the globe. It makes its pathway over and under the sea, as well as on the earth. Wind, steam, and lightning are its chartered agents. Oceans no longer divide, but link nations together." - Frederick Douglass

"No more apologies for a bleeding heart when the opposite is no heart at all. Danger of losing our humanity must be met with more humanity."

Another post about humanization and dehumanization. I first encountered this Toni Morrison quote from the amazing Cole Arthur Riley Black Liturgies project. As we move forward in this election year, we must remember to preserve our own humanity, not just that of the other.

"Dialogue assumes prior recognition of our parity as human beings."

As a first post for this U.S. election year, I pause to wonder are we seeing each other as human, and if really are, how might that shape our approach to these elections? From GMU grad school, I recall this quote from Professor Patricia Maulden in her resource, “Can We Still Be Friends? How to preserve relationships before, during and after elections.”

This year, I hope that Habits of Discourse wherever possible can help us to humanize others so that we may unlock the power of better dialogue.

https://www.habitsofdiscourse.com/

Had such a wonderful time at meeting new peers and mentors, exploring new techniques in dialogue and deliberation, and sharing my quirky approach to civil discourse drawing on monks! Again, huge shout out to how .westpark has formed me the past 10 years of my life. It's an honor to share just a snippet of your wisdom. And thanks to the Rev. Jane Weston for joining me and sharing her experience of how faith groups can impact the dialogue space .

Thank you for the work you put in to make this conference what it was.



for the branding win too--got lots of compliments!

Headed to the National Coalition for Dialogue & Deliberation conference in Atlanta, looking forward to meeting new friends and colleagues, and thrilled to be a session presenter with The Carter Center! Join movers and shakers to explore new innovations and collaborate together.

Learn more about my session "Dialogue for Daily Use: How Monastic Rules of Life Can Inform Approaches to Civil Discourse" at https://www.ncdd.org/2023workshops.html

Shout out to Holy Cross Monastery for their inspiration, community, and love!

Grateful to Red Letter Christians for this feature today!

A short anecdote from a podcast I was listening to recently keeps replaying in my mind: a man was walking with his friend and his friend said, “I’m hungry. I’d like to get a salad.” And the man immediately responded, “that should be easy to find, it’s a fairly liberal area.” Laughing, he reflected on the fact that both knew exactly what he meant. Yet, since when is lettuce partisan?

"Everything is political, oh my! Why churches should build better capacity for political dialogue" by Alan Yarborough, founder of Habits of Discourse, is on the blog now.

Have you ever conversed through social media on a difficult topic and come away feeling positive about it? Why or why not?

Where do you find conversation most difficult?
Work, immediate family, extended family, friends, other?

How well do you distinguish between these two words?

Political: of or relating to government, a government, or the conduct of government… can even be local governance of an organization

Partisan: a firm adherent to a party, faction, cause, or person – sometimes even with militant or military backing.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

"A central source of endless conflict and misery between enemies… is the emotional, cognitive, and ethical failure to be self-examined." – Marc Gopin, Bridges Across an Impossible Divide