05/04/2025
The worst marriage advice I ever received? “Never go to bed angry.”
That advice almost ruined some of our nights.
A few years ago, my husband and I were cleaning the kitchen late at night. One minute we were talking about our stressful day, the next, we were arguing. We were both tired, drained, and not exactly our best selves.
By the time we got upstairs, the tension followed us. We sat on the bed, barely able to keep our eyes open, but still trying to make our points.
I remembered that advice ringing in my head:
“Don’t go to bed mad. Resolve it now.”
So there I was, spiraling.
Do I stay up and push for resolution just to check some box?
Do I force an apology that neither of us is ready to give?
Do we keep going until 2am, saying things we don’t mean just to say we didn’t go to sleep angry?
Then something happened.
My husband sat up, gently put his arm around me and said, “I love you. We’re both exhausted. Let’s sleep on it. We’ll talk tomorrow when we’ve rested. Right now, we’ll just hurt each other more.”
That moment changed everything.
Because we didn’t need to fix it right now.
We needed sleep.
We needed space.
We needed love without resolution.
So we said “I love you.”
Held hands.
Faced opposite directions, and fell asleep still a little mad, but still choosing each other.
The next morning?
We talked. Calmly. Kindly. With clarity, and came to a better place than we ever would have the night before.
That night taught me something I’ll never forget..
You can go to bed mad.
You can be upset and still choose love.
You can pause a fight without pausing your commitment.
Because sometimes the healthiest thing you can do, is roll over, hold hands, and get some damn sleep.
We don’t always need closure at midnight.
We need kindness. We need grace, and we need to remember we’re on the same team, even when we’re tired, triggered, and totally over it.
So yeah, we go to bed mad sometimes.
We just make sure to always reach for each other under the covers.
That’s what a real, and safe, love looks like.
❤️
