01/09/2018
How does anyone know what is right and wrong when it comes to dating in today’s world? They don’t even call it dating anymore! Dating is a bad word. It’s hooking up or talking or kicking it. You’re supposed to meet a guy and only deal with that guy, no matter how interested or not he is in you, until he decides he doesn’t want anything to do with you. If you gift your time to more than one guy you are apparently a ho but when a guy does it it’s just him being a guy. I’m not only confused, I’m appalled! Who the hell wrote those rules? Better yet, who co-signed them?! Not I, says this girl and I refuse to live by them. I want options too. At 37 years of age I am just now coming to a place where I really like myself and am unapologetic for doing so. I refuse to conform to a set of rules that make absolutely no sense to my current state of mind.
After being committed to someone for more than a decade, I’m so ready to enjoy life without stipulation and restriction, for once. I’m not interested in attaching myself to another member of the male species who may or may not be in the relationship that I am in. I just want to have fun and lots of really good, possibly great, s*x. That sounds so weird coming from my mouth because I’ve never really been that interested in s*x. But in the last 6 months I feel like I am always h***y! I have never experienced pure lust and I am on a mission to do so. I’m not trying to have a million one night stands or any actually. I just want to have an extraordinarily satisfying s*xual experience with one person. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is. I don’t want a title attached to it. I don’t want expectation of emotional entanglement put on me. I just want amazing s*x. I don’t see the problem. Isn’t that what men spend decades doing and just lie about their intentions? So why can’t I have the same intention and tell the truth about it?
I’m certain that I know the person I want to begin this s*xual exploratory journey with. This man is s*x walking to me. When I see him I feel slightly light-headed because he’s so potent and magnetic. When he looks at me I feel s*xy...and kinda faint. I have never felt lust for someone like this and I so want to experience where it goes. His body is so damn cut that I stare and blush and daydream. His smile is seductive and his eyes are captivating. When he kisses me I go null and void to whatever is surrounding me. I feel like I’ve been drugged when he touches me, even just a hug. The blood rushes to my head (and my c**t) and I get so hot it's kind of scary. I like the recklessness of it and the exhilaration. His voice is so masculine and s*xy. I have fantasies about his voice. This is new terrain for me and I’m afraid to step away from being a good girl. In this case, though, I am determined to face my fear in the pursuit of multiple or***ms. lol.
I turn 38 soon and I don’t want to still wonder what it feels like to be consumed and gratified by lust. I want to explore things for my pleasure and not just for the purpose of pleasing a man. I want the pleasure so many man have bragged to me about but never even got close to delivering. I want the kind of s*xing that has me calling to set up drive bys on my lunch break. I want to be addicted to someone’s s*x. I have never been and I’m ready to experience that too. I want to act out fantasies and be a little risque, albeit with one partner. I want to feel alive in a way I have never felt before so I am going to spend my time in pursuit of s*xual happiness until I’m interested in the L word again. I don’t see that happening anytime soon, though. I'm ok with that.