07/26/2024
It’s my son’s 4th birthday, and in honor of my birthing day, I’m sharing his birth story!
I wrote this at about 3 weeks postpartum in 2020. This was my second baby and second homebirth. I spent so much time preparing for my dream birth, and boy did I get a fairytale birth of my dreams!
As a doula I feel inclined to mention that my story mentions the midwives brew. I don’t advise drinking this or castor oil without consent/advisory from your care provider, and I’d only recommend it to try and start labor, NOT if you’re already in labor to “speed things up” ✨
Here goes:
The day before I went into labor, I broke down. I was 10 days past my guess date and just felt so annoyed, defeated, and sad. I was so tired of being pregnant, and I thought I'd go into labor way earlier this time, after going to 42 weeks with my first. I just felt like laying in bed and crying. I texted my doula and she didn't try to fill me up with false positivity, she encouraged me to feel my sadness and defeat fully. And so I laid in bed and cried for like 2 hours. It's like I was in transition, but for pregnancy. When all my tears were gone, I went to my moms house to hang out and snack and talk and chill. We went through all of her notes from Davien's home birth (she was a midwife in training at the time). It's funny how much I don't remember. All I remember is that it was so long and so hard and I felt so incredibly exhausted afterwards, and that feeling didnt go away for like, over a year it seems. We talked about my hopes for this new experience, then I left and went to the store to get ingredients for the midwives brew (a smoothie said to induce labor, basically.) I was willing to try it because I was so ready to give birth. I went to bed early that night and drank it in the morning.
I drank the smoothie at around 8:30am and then hopped in the shower. I hadn't had any cervical dilation checks all pregnancy, but I had been feeling my own cervix. A couple years of doing the fertility awareness method got me quite acquainted with her, so I knew what I was looking and feeling for. My guess was that I was 2cm dilated at that time, the same as it had been for over a week now. I got out of the shower and started having light contractions 2 minutes apart. They felt like braxton hicks/very mild period cramps, so I went on with my day. We went to target to get some household stuff we needed, and walked around for probably about an hour. My contractions got slightly more noticeable. Then we went to aldi, but I waited in the car with Davy. We talked about his new hot wheels and how he was gonna go hang out with his grandma for a little bit. I didn't know that'd be the last time I'd see him as my only child. Jon's parents picked Davy up, because we didn't know if I was in labor or not, but wanted him to be with them just in case I was. We went home and I still felt unsure if I was in labor. I called my mom (who’s a licensed midwife) and was updating her on how I felt, but we both thought birth would be hours and hours and hours from then. My doula called to check on me around noon and decided to start driving since she had a 4 hour drive. I almost wanted to tell her not to come yet, because I didn't want her to get here and then me not be in labor. And then I lost my mucus plug.
The timeline of things is already a little fuzzy in my brain, but I hopped in the shower again because I wanted some hot water on my back. The contractions were still getting more powerful, but I still thought they were mild at that point. I felt my cervix again, and it had dilated so much that I couldn't feel the whole thing anymore. I told my mom that and she headed right over. When she got here, she and Jon prepared the birth pool, and prepared my bed to be birth proof. I was listening to music and on my knees leaning over my birth ball, which seems to be my favorite labor position. I labored like that for a while, and contractions had been 2 minutes apart since the very first one, so I didn't get much time in between them, but I felt totally okay with that because I knew I was finally gonna meet my baby. I remember feeling calm and grounded. Jon and my mom took turns giving me hip squeezes. And then my doula, Tori, got here. I was already in labor land, my own little universe, in my own time zone, in between realms. The details from here until pushing are hazy to me.
At some point I told Tori that I like heat and pressure on my lower back during contractions, so every 2 minutes when I'd have one she'd put a heating pack on me and squeeze. It really felt so relieving. I think I stopped being aware of the outside world at this point. I wasn't aware of my music playing, I was barely aware of my midwives prepping or my photographer snapping photos or if anyone was talking. I had no concept of time. I was just in my own world, like my consciousness was retrieving my baby from another realm. I know about 2 hours went by like this before I got in the pool and birthed, but looking back it feels like a mere 20 minutes. I just remember it feeling like it was taking FOREVER for the pool to fill up. And then when it was full, it was too hot so everyone was dumping ice in it to cool it down and I was just like OMG HOW MUCH LONGER TILL I CAN GET IN. Then when I got in, it was instant relief. I think my contractions stopped for a few minutes and gave me some rest, either that or time stood still. I think this was "the quieting," or a time right before birth where things slow down and you get some rest. I was like "I guess I should take my underwear off now huh" and then leaned over the edge of the pool on my knees for some more contractions. They were definitely powerful at this point, but I dont remember ever feeling like I couldn't do it or I wasn't ready. My body started wanting to push and my mom calmly reminded me to breathe baby out during contractions, which was super helpful because it's so easy to get lost in the sensations. I did not want to tear again so I really concentrated on breathing and letting my body stretch and open. I do remember feeling a little out of control or like this was something happening TO me for a very short time during pushing. In between contractions, I think my doula got a download of exactly what I needed to hear, because amidst the silence and anticipation, I just heard her calm voice soothingly say "take a moment to connect with baby." Oh yeah, there is a baby coming out of me, that's what all this is for. I'm about to meet my baby.
It was only a matter of minutes after that that he was born. I had my fingers on his head the whole time he was crowning. Doing that really helped me connect with him and the birth process and what my body was doing. Feeling him emerge into my hand was beautiful. I remember saying "I can feel an ear!" when his head was out. Then half of his torso came out on the next contraction, and I looked behind me and saw him underwater. In between 2 worlds. I was a portal. I intentionally pushed the rest of his body out and turned over while my mom handed him to me. He had his first cry after a little stimulation and a position change and I was scared for a moment until then. But he cried a little and then looked at me and his dad in the face and we all just stared at each other in love and relief. I brought him to my breast and he latched right away like he knew exactly what to do. My team helped me out of the pool and into my bed where I cuddled with Ira and released my placenta. We all looked at my placenta in awe of her beauty and power. And we found a true knot in the cord! You could glide the knot up and down the cord and it didnt get any more loose or tight. Amazing. My placenta is now in my freezer until I feel ready to bury her in ceremony.
My doula: Victoria Anderson
My photographer: Lane+Ko
