The Great Gig

Indie-rock shaman Father John Misty calls down an angelic choir and a slick, soulful backup band to help him with this existential ode to monogamy. And what’s lo******ng without a little self-loathing? Dredging the bottom of his psyche with admissions like, ‘I can hardly believe I’ve found you, and I'm terrified of that,’ FJM manages to clear away enough clutter to find something real or, as he puts it, to ‘truly see and be seen.’

A sumptuously specific jolt of raw s*xuality that leaves ‘90s kids blushing 30 years on, Silk’s all-timer of a s*x song is basically the opposite of Boyz II Men’s brand of romance-novel lo******ng. The group puts it all up front in the chorus: ‘Let me lick you up and down till you say stop/Let me play with your body, baby, make you real hot.’ Then the song doubles down over the smooth R&B groove, ‘cuz tonight baby, I’m gonna get freaky with you.’ As far as statements of intent go, give Silk credit for laying it all on the table.

Sure, this '90s mega-hit is a little cornier than it used to be, especially since the PG-13 content of the song basically amounts to ‘get ready, special lady… you’re in for a treat.’ But it’s also timeless in its statement of intent, and those harmonies do more to set the mood than a plate of oysters and some imported chocolate could ever hope.

From Zero 7 to Massive Attack, electronic musicians are no strangers to the power of lush dreamscapes. But none have used them to as sensual effect as Air, especially on this eternal s*x jam from the French duo’s 1998 space-pop debut, Moon Safari. Languorous, smooth and breathless, this is easy listening made precisely for staying in bed all day.

A song so powerful it inspired a new come-on in the R&B world, this smooth Bill Withers–sampling '90s classic kicks off with Dr. Dre's self-assured ‘It’s going down’ over a throaty ‘mmhmm’ hook. Story goes, the veteran West Coast rapper is obsessed with his New York shortie – he can’t stop fantasizing about her, until he has to hop on a plane back to her ‘to bag it up.’ Mmhmm.

Indie kids need s*xy songs too – as proved by this track from shoegaze forefathers My Bloody Valentine, on the band’s seminal (sorry) 1988 album, Isn’t Anything. ‘Soft as snow but warm inside, pe*****te then we divide…’ All in the name of art, naturally.

Sometimes you just want to get it on without all the responsibilities and romance that come with a relationship. At least, that’s what Alison Goldfrapp wants in her sultry disco-dance number; all poetic lo******ng aside, the commanding songstress coos poutily, ‘I don’t want it Baudelaire, just glitter lust’. And that, ladies and gents, is what b***y calls are for.

‘The Great Gig in the Sky’ is the musical equivalent of a transcendent bout of lo******ng. ‘Jungle Fever’ is the musical equivalent of a sweaty hookup in a public bathroom. The funky, polyrhythmic jam dips between its Latin licks, synth-flutes and intermittent bouts of heavy panting, moaning and ecstatic screaming from a mystery woman clearly enjoying what she’s hearing. The track was so provocative it got banned by the BBC, inadvertently giving it an even s*xier edge than it already had.

Some might argue that syncing a round of lo******ng to Dark Side of the Moon is better than doing the same to Wizard of Oz. But while results may vary, ‘The Great Gig in the Sky’ makes a very strong case for prog rock in the bedroom. The song starts slowly, steadily building to a massive, speaker-shattering climax as vocalist Clare Torry screams, moans and sputters with or****ic glee. Then it lingers... slowly bringing things to a calmer pace as Torry, seemingly exhausted, drifts off into a blissful dream. Truly, this is as far from Kansas as you can get.