25/02/2014
Dearest friends,
"An evening spent
Recalling life's events
Crowded in my skin
In Solitude" ~ Terence George Craddock
I was left in my room for some days after memories had me open the music box. Every few hours a glass of water would appear, as well as a bowl of bread and soup. My friends were keeping me alive for the time being, as they always did.
Left on my own, with naught but memory and soup to keep me company, I drifted in and out of past and future lives. I saw things that were not there, heard whispers that existed only in my mind (and, I suppose, damned alternate realities), and thought of Sarah and Wej, Amber and her husband.
My companions were alive and well, of that I could be sure. The mistakes I always make would keep anyone away, and I was not about to leave my demons to eat me up alive, I was going to reach that last one, let it crack my mind. Or until I had cracked it for him.
I missed Sarrah, most of all, missed her scent and her touch. This life I had chosen her, out of them all, to be with. Some lives I choose another, other lives I choose both – most lives I
choose neither. No one. Not this time, however, as this was the last time. The note I had left Sarrah would explain enough for them to stay well away. If all went to plan, and I had no reason to think it wouldn't, then I'd be seeing her again soon.
"More than two loves across the long years, Alec," a voice whispered deep within the chaotic maelstrom of memory. "More than two women damned for being close to you."
"They're not damned," I whispered, staring up out of the window at the constant twilight beyond. The unchanging sky was enough to drive anyone mad. "I died, too, so they can all live again… another chance."
"Is that a mercy, you think? To die and live again? None remember it save you, Alec but you are tearing the souls of billions from the void and forcing reality to
reset. Can't you hear the souls of the dead screaming at you to stop?"
I can't stop.
To live, to die, to buy the beers… What was her name? To stop is to be defeated. I will never be defeated.
Inhuman fortitude, impossible strength in the face of insurmountable odds and a helluva persistent headache. It always gets worse and worse, does it not? "Chances waiting to be taken," I said. The sky was darkening, which was impossible, so I guess I was either falling asleep or passing out. One and the same in my current fu**ed up condition. "She was pale. Cute. What was her name?" It was on the tip of my tongue. Not Sarrah. Not that.
Black hair with a streak of soft blonde. Large, kind eyes and a sharp nose. She was only tiny, five feet and change, but beautiful. She never wore make-up, but she didn't need it… Her face was captivating. Plain and friendly – more than enough to inspire desire.
"Her name?" I asked the voice that was only the madness in my mind. Batsh*t-insane and feelin' fine, that was me. SO BE IT! "She was human and she loved me."
One of the few that ever could.
Because no one can be loved by all.
Only a few can love you.
And they...
Haha...
They are unique.
Yours,
Alec