15/06/2022
A conversation that changed my life (pt. 1)
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The year is 2012.
“𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣’𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙞𝙣 4 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙝𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙚𝙭, 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙧𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙?”
My heart skipped a beat as I processed my bosses words. The inevitable conversation had arrived. No more hiding.
The sensible response from somebody who wants to keep their job would be to say “I am trying very hard to turn the situation around”. But that wasn’t the truth. I felt a longing to be honest, to share my dark secret.
The truth was that I wasn’t trying hard at all. I was completely demotivated and had pretty much lost the will to live, let alone work. I just wanted to give up, but I didn’t really see that as an option. I was 6 years into my recruitment career, and with my 4th employer in the industry. If it wasn’t going to work out here then it wasn’t going to work out anywhere.
I was also 1 year in to my “new life” in Munich, which was supposed to be a fresh start for me, away from the excessive debauchery of my life in London. Unfortunately that hadn’t exactly gone according to plan either. The drugs and raves of London had been replaced with blackout binge drinking and the red light scene in Munich, and I was out of control.
I was 10k in debt (credit cards and overdrafts) and counting, with unpaid bills and final warnings piling up which I couldn’t bring myself to open. I woke up every morning on a plastic wrapped mattress on the floor of my unfurnished apartment to a hangover and a deep sense of dread and anxiety in my stomach. At work I watched the clock all day hoping to avoid my bosses attention until 5.30pm at which point I would escape to the pub and wash away my sorrows with pints and jägerbombs.
The weekends were actually worse. Every Friday I would compulsively drink myself into oblivion, and I mean oblivion. Total blackouts lasting several hours. Ruined friendships. Trouble with the police. Repeatedly emptying my ENTIRE bank account in strip clubs on payday (hence unfurnished apartment). And the hangovers... were truly dark chapters of self loathing and physical sickness.
How long had this been going on? Well, the volatile nature of life in sales was not new to me, and neither was excessive debauchery or irresponsible life decisions, but this was an all-time low. This was rock bottom for me.
I decided to be honest with my boss. “𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙” I said.
***
A story from our co-founder Alex Johnstone
How will our troubled adventurer fare now that his dark secret is out? Stay tuned for the next episode tomorrow. No peeping his profile for spoilers.
On a serious note - if you can relate to this story or are currently going through a dark time, DM us for a free coaching session where we can explore what a better life looks like for you. It's closer than you think.
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