02/02/2023
For those that have chosen the path of school this year, I wish your kids a year of growth and happiness. I’m missing all my wonderful families. Lots of love from Singapore.
This morning I woke up to my news feed filled with photos of freshly pressed uniforms, beautiful braids and signs showing “what I want to be when I grow up”. I visualised these smiley fresh-faced children in doctors’ coats, construction hats, and police uniforms. Behind these photos, I could feel the excitement, dread and hope of the parents behind the camera sending their kids off for their first day of school. My mind started drifting to the end of the day when some of these beautiful innocent smiles wouldn’t return, instead they will be replaced with clenched fists, teary eyes and parents gripping to hope that the whole year wasn’t going to be like this.
The first day of school for anyone, parents and children alike, is not an easy one. We worry about friendships, the teacher who will stand in front of the class for forty weeks, how busy the classroom will be, the work that will be given, the dynamics of the class, the timetable. Parents and children feel these worries and fears. We all hope it will be a good year but there is always a seed of doubt of “what if?”. What if the teacher doesn’t listen to my concerns? What if the learning provided isn’t challenging enough? What if they are not at the same level as their peers? What if my child doesn’t make any friends? What if the class is too overwhelming?
For some, this fear doesn’t subside. It follows us like a dark cloud for the year. We prepare ourselves knowing that we will probably need to fight to have our children’s needs met so they can be happy at school. We are holding onto hope, not expecting, that the teacher will listen and try different approaches. Each day we get our child to school without a meltdown we take as a win. We know from the moment we wake up when we are going to have a tough morning. The screams and pleading follow us down the hallways of our house as we try and pack bags, make breakfast and meet our own needs. The tears, tummy aches, skin picking and withdrawal behaviours start to replace our inquisitive, sweet, and fun child. We’ve tried more parenting approaches than one should try, and in doing so, have blamed ourselves for the behaviours we see in our children. We’ve been criticised by others. We have withdrawn from parenting circles. We feel lonely.
When we succeed at getting them to school we take a big sigh of relief as we say goodbye to our little person. Sometimes we stay back and watch as they sit down for mat time or at their desk for their first lesson. We know immediately if they are uncomfortable. The clenched hands, the fallen head. Our hearts drop but we convince ourselves this is just the settling in phase. We go on with our day constantly thinking about how we can make school easier for them. When it is time for pick up, our hearts thump. We replay scenes of how we will get them in the car before they publicly meltdown in front of new peers and parents. That’s if we haven’t been called in the middle of the day to pick our child up from school. We are ready with food, cuddles and love but also a bit of dread.
The car ride home is quiet. Grunts and groans from prompting questions about their day. The afternoon will be just like the morning as our child’s mask can finally drop in the safety of their home. We are there just like every day. We listen empathetically. We are patient. We offer space to let them decompress from their stressful day at school. We are their person, as hard as that may be sometimes.
For all those that had a difficult first day today, you are not alone. When you see that parent lingering after drop off, or running to the gate before their child chases them down, or the parent trying to soothe a tearful child or the parent crying in their car, ask them if they are okay. Share your experiences. Ask them out for coffee. Build your tribe.
