Confessions of a Kiasu Parent

Confessions of a Kiasu Parent

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A curation of Singaporean voices on parenting realities in Singapore. Your story, your voice, your lenses. Let's treat everyone with respect.

My name is Eugenia Koh, and I'm a PhD researcher on 'kiasu' parenting in Singapore.

'Kiasu' parents have been said to be one of the leading causes for the overly competitive education system in Singapore, and 'kiasu' has been argued by academics to be the underlying DNA in all Singaporean parents. However, recent studies and journalistic reports have shown hidden voices and backstories behind th

Are fewer exams a worry? ‘Students actually learn more this way’ 17/09/2024

Are fewer exams a worry? ‘Students actually learn more this way’ Removing mid-year exams for students has led some parents to wonder if their children will be adequately prepared for major national exams. Dr Karen Lam, MOE’s Master Specialist of Assessment Policy and Practice, shares why the change is, in fact, better for learning.

Commentary: Voices of tensions behind the 'kiasu parent' label 19/11/2023

Many parents start off determined not to be kiasu, or afraid to lose - but as their children enter primary school, many begin to feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, says Dr Eugenia Koh-Chua, a former teacher and mother of two.

Commentary: Voices of tensions behind the 'kiasu parent' label Many parents start off determined not to be kiasu, or afraid to lose - but as their children enter primary school, many begin to feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, says Dr Eugenia Koh-Chua, a former teacher and mother of two.

'A different element of stress', say parents of first batch of PSLE students under new scoring system 26/11/2021

Parents have mixed feelings about the new AL system trying to move away from obsessive over-emphasis on exam results:

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“The good thing is you won’t actually see someone being the top scorer. No one will say this person has scored 289, and this person is the best student. Anyone who does well will be getting 4 points,” said Ms Kanniakumari.

“But this makes it more difficult to get into schools. More people aim for the schools with 4 to 6 points (indicative score range), and how are they going to differentiate them?”

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“Mr Adrian Wee’s daughter had a similar experience. At prelims, she was one mark away from dropping into the next band for two subjects.

“To me, this whole thing just didn’t work. It led to greater anxiety. That’s the arbitrary nature of the banding system. I guess it’s the same for O-Levels, but with the four subjects as opposed to a six-subject aggregate, the difference is just much more stark,” said Mr Wee.

“If my kid is trying to get into a school of her choice, and that cut-off is 10. And she’s sitting on 10, knowing that she needs to not lose a single mark, it’s tough and unnecessary.”

'A different element of stress', say parents of first batch of PSLE students under new scoring system SINGAPORE: Parents of this year's Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) cohort said on Wednesday (Nov 24) that the new scoring system is more beneficial for average students, but introduces a "different element of stress" for those aiming for grades at the top end of the Achievement Level (AL) b...

I Don’t Care if Your Toddler Climbs a Mountain 25/11/2021

Is this a westernised manifestation of ‘kiasu parenting’? Aka fear of losing out to peers (both adults and kids)? Can these fears be allayed through a change in social AND mass media narratives?

“ I don’t mean to diminish the experiences of children who find joy in scaling mountains, nor of their parents, who should absolutely be proud. The problem, I think, lies in the way the media latches on to these stories, often comparing the accomplished family to us plebes who have “trouble getting [our] kids away from electronics and outside,” as NPR recently put it. It’s meant to be inspiring, but too often it just feels like another layer of pressure.

And parents are under enough pressure. I live in a Colorado mountain town, and my social media feeds are full of two-year-olds snowboarding and three-year-olds riding bikes without training wheels. Last winter I took my daughter skiing, not because I was even remotely excited by the idea of shoving her little feet into rigid plastic boots, but because all the other two-year-olds I knew were doing it, and it felt like we were falling behind. Outdoorsy parents like to believe we’re more chill than parents in, say, Manhattan, but sometimes it feels as though we’ve simply replaced the competition to get our children into the best college-prep preschools with competing over our children’s participation in outdoor sports. Our kids may be fostering a lifelong connection to the natural world through these sports, but sometimes I worry that filling their outside time with structured activities undermines the outdoors as a refuge of free play and exploration.

What if we changed the narrative? What if we also celebrated the family who just took their ten-year-old camping for the first time, or whose five-year-old played unsupervised in the ditch behind her house for hours? What if we talked about the realities of hiking with a toddler? That—for me at least—involves bribing my child with candy and feeling equal parts blissed-out that I get to slow down and annoyed that I can’t just go the way I used to.”

I Don’t Care if Your Toddler Climbs a Mountain Stories about kids who break hiking or climbing records feel like the continuation of an outdated and unhealthy attitude toward outdoor recreation

25/11/2021

Sharing community perspectives on the Singapore education system.

Finding joy in our children’s PSLE and life journey 23/11/2021

Finding joy in our children’s PSLE and life journey As parents, we seek to give the very best to our children; be it the food they enjoy, the supplements we procure to ensure their optimal growth and health, the activities we seek out for them (for pleasure, growth or both) because we love them.

Commentary: The biggest test on PSLE results day is one for parents 23/11/2021

“A survey conducted by Focus on the Family Singapore of over 1,050 school children (aged 10-15) last year found that children feel more worried about their exams than the COVID-19 situation. Seven in 10 children felt negatively about the year-end examinations, with more than three in five reporting they felt "worried".

One indicator of how badly parents react to test scores is the level of fear the child experiences when he gets a test back.”

Commentary: The biggest test on PSLE results day is one for parents While the anxiety is real, the way we respond to the grades our children get makes a huge difference to a child, says June Yong.

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