03/09/2025
This morning I woke with the presence of darkness like I haven’t experienced before, or at least not that I can remember.
It’s normal to go into a dark-ish feminine space, pre-moon. Some days ago I joyfully surrendered into the nonlinear grandmother womb of creation energy, and had been feeling deeply nourished and quite blissful.
Yet this utter dark presence was quite disturbing. In my psychic vision I kept seeing this black shadow of a girl, with red eyes - like a demon.
It reminded me of one of the first ever times I sat to meditate 25 years ago. I went into my heart chakra and saw two glowing red eyes in the darkness. I was so petrified I immediately came out of meditation. Yet I knew I had to go back and meet it with love, otherwise I would be running in fear forever.
Now, walking into the land, I wondered what this could be; is this my pain body wanting to be fed because I have refused to leave my peace recently? Or is it my shadow claiming taxes because I’ve been suppressing pain?
Under the shade of an old cork tree I sat, with the wind blowing hard and ants crawling on my legs and occasionally biting me. ‘They’ll have to just bite me,’ I thought, determined to not be distracted so I could drop into a deep state.
I tuned into the truth and saw that she was there because despite my greater peace and calm in this last cycle, there were emotions nonetheless that I was not allowing myself to feel.
For a long time I have had the practice of fully hearing all of my inner voices - no matter how fked up they are. But in the past month I was determined to stay out of drama. I was really proud of myself - but it seems I was suppressing some truth.
Once I let her/my inner truth and emotions be fully voiced, I saw this demon turn and walk back into the shadows, satisfied and willing to disappear again from me.
But then I went back and called to her - it is not enough for me that she simply disappears back into the abyss.
Continued in comments…