11/05/2025
I watched MAGUAD SIBLINGS today and yep, it’s Mother’s Day too.
Strange timing? Maybe. But somehow, I found myself relating to the killer in that story, not the violent part of course, but the deep, emotional part about growing up without your parents. That kind of absence leaves a mark. I know what it's like to move from one relative to another just to finish school. To survive. To make ends meet.
And today, I just want to say I’m thankful. Truly. To all those people who helped me along the way, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Living in someone else's house teaches you things you can't learn anywhere else. You have to adjust, not because they are bad people, but because that's just how life works. You follow their rhythm even if it goes against yours. You do things even when you don’t want to. You learn to like things you never liked before because you're trying to fit in. You're trying not to be a burden.
One memory still sticks with me to this day. My cousin once told me, "kala ko d ka kumakain nyan, naalala ko dati yan yung ulam nyo (chorizo) tapos iyak ka ng iyak kc ayaw mo ng ulam nyo, kahit pinagalitan ka ni auntie (my nanay) di ka pa rin kumain." I just smiled and said, "di ah kumakain talaga ako nyan nag iinarte lang ako nun."
But honestly, I just forced myself to eat it. I didn’t want to be that picky kid who was just staying over. I was too shy to complain. Maybe it was pakikisama, maybe I was just a people pleaser, but that moment stayed with me.
I've been like that for most of my life, trying to please people, trying to blend in, trying not to ruffle feathers. Until I became a mother.
Motherhood changes everything.
It made me do things I never imagined I could. It pushed me to grow, to heal. And most of all, it gave me the courage to choose differently. When I had my kids, I told my husband I don’t want to live with anyone else. I don’t want to walk on eggshells. I don’t want to feel like someone’s watching me all the time (even if it’s just in my head lol)
I said I want our own space. I don’t care if we have to rent to live like Isang kahig, Isang tuka or whatever (Maybe I'm selfish at that time but no regret) we’ll figure it out, just the two of us. (I'm always grateful to my husband for being so supportive 🙏) I just want privacy. I want the freedom to be a parent, flaws and all. I want to get angry when I need to. I want us to argue without worrying about being judged. I want to rest, be lazy, even fight because that’s part of life too. (And to be honest, I’ve always been lazy anyway lol.)
But IKYKWIM right? Basta yun na yun.
I want the full experience of being a mother without the constant noise of what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I just want to freely make mistakes and learn from them. I want to experience how hard it is to be a parent without other people watching me. I mean, I want to savour the suffering of being a parent without other people knowing about it or seeing me firsthand. Hahah, that's too awkward. We’re first-time parents and I want to figure this out. just us.
I want to be present. I want to feel it all. Raw, real, a dinosaur mother or whatever. Just me, no filter, doing my best with the people I love most.
Happy Mother’s Day everyone. Thank you so much to all the people who love my kids like their own, especially to their Mommy Dith and Mommy Tonet.
Happy Mother’s Day 🥰 😘
(I just felt the need to write this out because it kept running through my mind and I couldn’t sleep. Lol. I need to wake up early tomorrow — good luck to me! Time check 1:21AM😂😭)
