26/10/2025
I don’t want to cause you pain—
This isn’t about revenge. It’s not about an eye for an eye, or making you suffer just to balance some invisible scale. That kind of hollow retaliation doesn’t interest me. It doesn’t heal. It only continues the cycle, and I am too tired, too worn from carrying this weight, to want to pass it back to you.
I just wish you could feel mine for a moment,
Not forever. Not even for a day. Just a single, breathless moment. I wish you could step inside this skin, inside this chest that sometimes feels too tight to hold everything. I wish you could feel the echo of the words you said that didn’t seem like much to you, but landed here like a stone, sinking to the bottom of everything. I wish you could feel the chill of the silence you left, the emptiness where your presence was supposed to be, the ache of a trust that was bent until it snapped.
so you’d finally understand the weight of what you did.
Because from where you stand, it probably looked like nothing. A small oversight. A busy schedule. A harsh word spoken in a moment of stress. A promise forgotten. From your perspective, it was likely a pebble—something you barely noticed dropping.
But you didn’t see the landslide it started inside of me. You didn’t see the cascade of doubt, the erosion of my peace, the way it buried parts of me I’m still trying to dig out. You don’t understand that what was a pebble in your hand became a boulder on my back.
If you could feel it, just once, you wouldn’t need my explanation. You wouldn’t need me to justify my tears or defend my distance. You would know. You would look at me and finally see not a person who is "overreacting," but a person who is reacting to a very real, very heavy injury.
This isn’t a wish for your suffering. It’s a wish for your understanding. It’s the desperate hope that a bridge of empathy could be built, just for a second, so you could look across and truly see the wreckage on this side. So you could comprehend that the pain you’re so keen to avoid hearing about is the very same pain I have been living with, breathing in, and surviving every day since.
And maybe, just maybe, if you understood the weight, you would finally stop asking me why I can’t just let it go.