Roney's Online ESL Academy

An Ode to English Plurals

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it, English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing,
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
Get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
In which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?

Here's an English idiom you may not know. But it is one you should know to read English at the college level. Complete the sentence:

"To lock the stable door _____________________________________."

Some difficult English grammar. Don't worry about it; just take it as fun. This is not a real English tense.

Here's an English idiom you should know to read the language at college level:

"tit for tat."

What do you think it means?

Leave your ideas in the comments.

Do you recognize this figure?

You should, for English reading fluency at the college level.

She is a representation of an abstract concept.

Answer as a comment below.

Here's another figure from Greek mythology whom you should be able to identify to read English at college level,

See if you can name him in the comments.

Here's a test of your cultural literacy: a bit of Greek mythology you should be familiar with in order to read English at the college level,

Can you name all of the figures in this drawing?

Here's an English proverb you should know to read at college level. Can you fill in the ending?

"Don't judge a book ___ ____ _________."

Put your answer in the comments.

Here's an English idiom you may not know.

What special meaning is there to the place name "Timbuktu"?

Give your guesses in the comments.

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Plus word fun, idioms, grammar, and more.

alphaDictionary * Free English Online Dictionary * Grammar * Word Fun The ultimate language resource: daily words written by a linguist, word games, language jokes, and English grammar help.

Quizlet: another great resource for learning vocabulary.

https://quizlet.com/_8om74z?x=1jqt&i=8g33

An automated way to learn new vocabulary: Vocabulary.com

Dawn AWL List 2 - Vocabulary List : Vocabulary.com A vocabulary list featuring Dawn AWL List 2.