Your Real Dreams - Life Coaching

In my coaching I spend most of each session guiding people through these 7 steps before we do any hypnotherapy or change processes to "install" a goal in the mind.

These steps are important because if there's any concerns or resistance at any point, the unconscious mind will put the breaks on and find a way to distract you from the goal in order to protect you.

So the concerns need to be found, listened to and addressed if we want to avoid sabotage.

You can often install a goal yourself just by journaling your answers to the questions below.

S - for Senses -> see, hear, feel, smell, taste your goal as if you already have it

P - Positive words -> "I feel calm and confident in my job interview" rather than "I don't want to feel anxious".

E - Ecology of your life - check how having this goal will affect other areas if your life eg relationships at home, social life, fitness, time for creativity etc and make adjustments to your goal until it feels aligned in your body.

C - Choices - check that this goal will increase rather than decrease your feeling of choice - ie it's not coming only from obligation.

I - Initiated by you - this goal can be started by you rather than relying on a magic fairy to bring it to you.

F - First feeling step identified - there are many possible first steps you could take, so, brainstorm several and then choose the one that feels best now!

Y - Your resources have been listed - you've taken time to note down the skills, people, tools and ideas you already have access to.

There's quite a bit more detail behind each step which I cover in client sessions but often the prompts above are enough to get going.

If, after doing the exercise above, you feel a knot of resistance in your gut, that is where booking a coaching session can be useful. Let me know if this is the case for you and you'd like some guidance.

Otherwise, try it out and see what insights and new motivation arise - let me know in a dm or in the comments below.

What's a goal you'd like to achieve this year?

Have fun exploring :-)

I saw on Tik Tok recently a therapist saying that the "...opposite of a dysregulated nervous system is not being calm all the time, but self expression...".

And that got me thinking about sensitive, creative people, like myself, and the challenges of navigating everyday life when day jobs and neurotypical society does not place much value on us doing our creative thing.

And then someone on an page for the INFP personality type asked all the INFPs to share a photo of their art.

That reminded it's been a while since I've got into either writing or painting.

Teaching, studying for a course and running a coaching business has felt like a pretty full plate. And then I noticed I was feeling a bit flat and lacking in fizz and excitement.

I'd put it down to feeling a bit sad about world events and the effects of moving to a new city only to find ourselves in covid lockdowns and thus not making new connections and just getting a bit lazy about it.

But then that same week my partner brought up our creativity and how we used to always be sharing poems, going to galleries or doing some art and now we've got into the habit of talking a lot about world events and how it's doesn't inspire much joy at the moment.

So, I've taken the point and started to "turn my ship around" a bit, so to speak.

There's a lot going on, so I'm just going to do one small thing a day connected to my creativity while I clear some obligations off my plate and make some changes so that this summer and next year I can really get into something creative everyday.

I realised, such change starts with reminding ourselves who we feel we are at the level of identity --> this how I coach my clients and now I need some of my own medicine.

Robert Dilts developed a create change process for the brain which walks people through several steps into the centreof our being, then back out again:

We start by thinking of how a problem occures in these areas:

1. Environment
2. Behaviour
3. Skills & Capabilities
4. Beliefs and Values
5. Identity
6. Purpose ie our larger purpose as a piece of stardust, a piece of the universe, and the power that comes from recognizing this.

Then we walk backwards through each step bring our awareness of that larger purpose and letting it infiltrate and transform our identity, beliefs, values, skills, capabilities, behaviour and finally our environment.

This led me to finding this painting I did some years ago on the wall and sharing a photo of it in the INFP page. "I AM A POEM" seems a fun and accurate way, to me, to describe my purpose for being on this planet, because I was once told that creating and loving poetry was not a useful skill. And yet it's provided me careers as an English teacher and a coach and hypnotherapist, since hypnotherapy essentially uses poetry and imagery to help a person connect with their unconscious mind and reprogram thoughts and behaviours that are no longer useful, or completely reinvent themselves.

I made this painting in 2009 whilst studying a course in Art and Creativity at The Learning Connexion, a school founded for INFPs and ENFPs by INFP Jonathan Milne.

Jonathan's motto was "Make your life into a work of art".

For me, it's my life has evolved more into a meandering free verse poem, with different threads that overlap like a braided river glinting in the sunshine or a woven flax basket.

When we feel like we've drifted a bit away from our core purpose and identity, I think it's useful to explore a metaphor or image that has the effect of making our body stir and light up, since our body is a container for our soul and our emotions tell us what our heart, our inner compass is feeling.

We face many transitions in life, as our dreans evolve and what once seemed important fades and gives way to something else.

But in those in between periods, I think it's important to reclaim our creativity whether it's by writing, playing music or doing some art, or if we're really stuck, using some coaching tools like Robert Dilts 6 step journey.

What could you do at the moment to nuture your creative soul or navigate a transition with a helpful metaphor, poem, song or piece of art?

Share in the comments, tell a friend who gets it, or send me a dm. Any kind of small action like this can get the wheels of inspiration and vitality spinning again - help you get your mojo back :-)

Did you know there's been a super easy spelling technique around for over 50 years now which most teachers still don't know about?

Although I call myself a life coach, what I'm really trained in is more like brain coaching.

Whether it's helping people to get their brain and body to relax more quickly or set a goal that feels clear and motivating, what I really offer is some cool tricks that show you how to programme your mind more accurately.

I help you get more of the results you want.

Over the years I have taught the NLP super spelling strategy to lots of clients and students and they're so happy when they can let go of the anxiety and confusion that surrounds spelling words in English.

Often a one hour session is enough to learn the technique and a half hour follow up a week or two later to check on progress if needed.

Once the brain knows how to use the strategy, it wants to use that method all the time after that because it's easier and more fun.

Clients bring a long word they find hard to spell and by the end of the session they can spell it forwards - and backwards - easily and with a sense of relaxation and enjoyment. It's a wow moment for many!

Sessions can be done in person in Wellington New Zealand or on zoom online from anywhere in the world.

Currently I'm offering 20% off the NLP Super Spelling Strategy Session for the month of November 2023 - so that's NZ$189 instead of NZ$210.

Are you keen?

Let me know questions in the comments below or hit the message button :-)

As our dreams evolve, they pull us forward on to new paths. It can be confusing but if the head, heart and gut listen to each other, clarity appears...

Coaching can help guide that process and bring clarity a lot sooner.

Self-coaching can help too.

Some tips for self coaching:

Get a journal or piece of paper or type on your phone or laptop using phrases which reflect, rather than judge, the feelings and thoughts you are expressing.

Example:

Me 1: I feel so confused about my life direction right now.

Me 2: So, you're not sure what to do next?

Me 1: Well, there's so much going on. Bills are going up, the whole world seems upset right now, I feel I need to look for better paying work, but I'm not sure what, and my back is aching.

Me 2: It's hard to figure out your next step, let alone life purpose, when you're in pain and there's all these changing circumstances around you?

Me 1: Yes.I can't think straight when my back hurts.

Me 2: Sounds like it's not the right time to address these big questions when your physically hurting?

Me 1: No, you're right. It's worse when I get stressed. If I lay down for a bit and take a rest I'll probably be able to clear my head and write a list. Might listen to some relaxing music too.

Me 2: Sounds like a good next step?

Me 1: Lol. Yeah. I see what you did there...

***

Notice that Me 2 doesn't judge or evaluate Me 1s comments or give advice. They don't say "You sound complain-y. You should go take a break". Instead they mirror back and paraphrase, in different words, but similar meaning, what is being said. This triggers feeling understood. Then it's easier to access inner wisdom.

If you would like to experience coaching like this, so you can access the answers you have within without feeling pressured or judged or having solutions forced on you, let me know, or just try taking a walk on the beach using the dialogue above as a template to follow. Let me know how it goes :-)

Life Coaching with a coach who is skilled in reflective listening is an awesome way to get back in touch with what really matters to you as a person:

You get to find out:

☆ the values of your heart

☆ recover your hidden life dreams

☆ set goals that suit your values rather than other people's priorities

☆ skills to communicate your life dreams to your spouse, relatives, boss and colleagues with clarity and confidence so you can respond to any criticism with compassion but determination

☆ experience joy more often (because your heart feels listened to again)

If you've been feeling heavy and weighed down by other people's priorities, consider reaching out to me or another life coach to get some clarity on your goals and life direction....

What makes you light up like a Christmas Tree?

Once we get clear about that, it is easier to figure out what your real life dreams are: career, partner, house, city, clothes to wear, what to have for dinner...

You're unique.

Let's figure out you!

"They don't want 'your you'; they want 'their you'. No one is going to give you...an award for healing yourself...".

So, heal anyway and take yourself back.

TikTok · alokvmenon 11.4K likes, 94 comments. “heal anyway ”

'..."...Many managers overestimate the importance of telling their employees about their strengths and weaknesses.

The real trick is to help someone get to a place where they are actively seeking feedback for themselves," Jack said.

"Companies, coaches and managers who want people to change must hold their tongue about what they think needs fixing.

Instead, they must put their faith in the individual's intrinsic desire to grow and allow them to direct their own development process.

Otherwise, they are likely to hit a wall of psychological resistance."...'.

'..."Many think the best way to get others-;and themselves-;to change is to use some combination of carrot and stick, for instance by sandwiching a criticism with compliments," Jack said.

"These findings show why it works better to get the individual to focus first and foremost on their dreams and aspirations for the future."

Once someone has developed a clear vision of their ideal self, he said, they become willing and eager to grow instead of willful, resistant and prone to denial....'.

Developing 'a clear vision of one's ideal self ' is what I help people do. We start with getting clear about your life dreams; everything else, EVERYTHING else, follows from there...

If you want to feel what it's like to talk about your life dreams for two hours, and have someone listen and validate them so you come away having inspired yourself and full of clarity and purpose, send me a message and ask about my approach to coaching :-)

New study finds more effective way to coach and inspire What if there was a more effective way to coach and inspire your employees? Athletes? Students? Even your kids?

This end of life nurse lists some of the top regrets of the dying. A top one was not pursuing a life dream because of what someone else might say.

This is a relatively easy fix with NLP coaching. We use some techniques to magnify the sensation in your body of your own values being important and shrinking the feelings, voices and imagery of critics that get inside you...

A bunch of other things too.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/626906432240699?fs=e&s=cl

A hospice nurses’ perspective on what patients regret most at the end of life. I am so incredibly grateful for all of their wisdom and guidance. I hope it is able to help you as well ♥️

Patriarchy requires mythology and belief-based thinking, combined with authoritarianism, trauma, coercion, punishment, reward, shame and setting up every interaction as a win-lose contest, to perpetuate itself.

Some of the antidotes are:
• genuine authenticity

• connection

• horizontal rather than vertical structures

• decoding emotion (the heart's language which reveals individual values & priorities)

• evidence-based decision making

• win-win conflict negotiation and peaceful language eg discussion rather than argument