Fontein Coaching - Life & Business Coach

This Friday is He. Waikato.

And as it gets closer, there’s the usual mix of excitement, nerves, overthinking and holy s**t, are we actually doing this?

Someone said to me recently,
"I love how you just get s**t done, Cass."

And I laughed because, from the outside, maybe that's what it looks like.

What you don't see is the stress behind the scenes. The second guessing. The things that don't go to plan. The moments I question myself. The ridiculous amount of overthinking.

I'm definitely not fearless.

I've just learnt to do things while I'm afraid.

Because somewhere along the way, I stopped needing things to be perfect.

I grew up a perfectionist. Get the highest grades. Get it right. Don't fail.

Now?

Show up. Do your best. Be authentic. And remember why you're doing it.

And with He., the why is bigger than any fear I have.

If one man walks out of that room this week feeling less alone, it's worth it.

If one conversation happens that wouldn't have happened otherwise, it's worth it.

If someone hears another man's story and thinks, "F**k, maybe I'm not the only one," it's worth it.

Because I genuinely believe community and conversation can save lives.

That's why I keep doing this.

Not because every event is perfect.

Not because I have everything figured out.

Not because I don't get scared.

But because it's real. It's authentic. And it comes from the heart.

It's about putting people in a room together and creating a space where something real can happen.

And maybe that's something I've learnt about life in general too.

Stop waiting until you're ready.

Stop waiting until you've perfected the idea.

Stop convincing yourself someone else could do it better.

If something matters to you, start.

You'll learn. You'll adapt. You'll probably f**k a few things up along the way.

But you'll grow.

I'd rather get to 80 knowing I gave the things I believed in a bloody good go than spend my life wondering what might have happened if I'd just backed myself.

So this week, I'll show up.

I'll do my best.

I'll probably overthink a thousand things between now and then.

But I'll keep coming back to my why.

Let's change someone's life for the better ❤️

❤️❄️❤️

Winter often encourages us to slow down, but there's a difference between taking time to recharge and quietly withdrawing from the people and habits that keep us well.

In our latest issue of UNO magazine, Cass Hogan from Fontein Coaching - Life & Business Coach shares simple ways to navigate the cooler months with intention, reminding us that sometimes the smallest daily habits can make the biggest difference.

Learn more in our latest Winter issue of UNO magazine

I wish more kids grew up knowing that it's okay to cry 🤍

Something that's been coming up a lot in coaching lately is this...

So many adults can remember exactly what happened when something hard hit their family.

A death.
A divorce.
Financial stress.
A huge argument.
A diagnosis.

But when I ask them what they remember about their parents...

They often say, "Nothing."

"Dad just carried on."
"Mum kept herself busy."
"No one talked about it."

Somewhere along the way, many of us learnt that emotions were meant to be hidden.

That being strong meant keeping it together.

The problem is... we don't stop having emotions just because we don't show them.

They still live inside us.

And years later, so many of us are sitting in coaching rooms trying to learn something we were never shown...

How to actually feel.

How to cry without apologising.
How to say, "I'm not okay today."
How to ask for help.
How to sit with sadness instead of running from it.

If you're a parent, your children don't need to see you get it right all the time.

They need to see that it's safe to be human.

They need to know that tears aren't weakness.
That anger can be expressed without hurting people.
That grief is normal.
That joy deserves to be celebrated.

You don't have to protect your children from every emotion.

You just have to show them that emotions can be felt, talked about, and moved through.

Because maybe that's how we raise a generation that doesn't spend decades trying to reconnect with the parts of themselves they learnt to hide 🤍

I'm incredibly honoured to be speaking at Te Ara Whakamua: Give to Gain next month alongside an inspiring group of leaders including Jazz Thornton, Ezra Schuster, Jonathan Usher and Juliana Carvalho. The event brings together directors, business owners and emerging leaders to explore how we create meaningful impact by investing in others through leadership, mentorship and courageous conversations.

When I was asked to speak, I knew exactly what I wanted to share.

Not the polished version.
The real version.

The moments that tested me.
The lessons I've learnt through building businesses, navigating loss, leading community movements like He. and She., and discovering that leadership isn't about having all the answers—it's about having the courage to show up authentically and create spaces where others can thrive.

Because the leaders who have had the biggest impact on my life weren't the loudest in the room.

They were the ones who believed in people.
Who opened doors.
Who challenged me.
Who saw potential before I saw it myself.

I'm looking forward to an afternoon of honest conversations, practical insights and genuine connection.

If you're a leader, business owner, director, or simply someone passionate about creating positive change, I'd love to see you there.

🎟️ Tickets are available here:
Te Ara Whakamua: Give to Gain

🌱 Growth and Fear 🌱

Lately I've been sitting in a place that feels both incredibly exciting... and incredibly uncomfortable.

I'm making decisions in my business that, if I'm honest, scare me.

The kind of decisions that mean letting go of what feels familiar. Investing money before there's a guaranteed return. Asking for help instead of trying to do it all myself. Building something that's bigger than what I've created before.

Every part of me knows it's the right next step.

Yet I'd be lying if I said it didn't come with moments of doubt.

Growth has a funny way of doing that.

We often imagine growth as this exciting, empowering experience, but what people don't talk about enough is that it can also feel vulnerable. It asks you to trust yourself before you have all the evidence. To make decisions before you feel completely ready. To believe in a future that doesn't exist yet.

I've learnt that fear isn't always a sign you're making the wrong decision.

Sometimes it's a sign that you're standing at the edge of something that has the potential to change your life.

The mistake so many of us make is waiting for the fear to disappear before we take the next step.

But confidence rarely comes first.

It usually arrives after you've been brave enough to begin.

If there's something you've been putting off because it feels scary, maybe don't ask yourself, "Am I ready?"

Instead ask, "If I don't do this, where will I be a year from now?"

Sometimes staying where we are feels safer.

Until we realise that staying the same has its own cost too.

Growth will always ask something of you.

The question is whether you're willing to back yourself enough to answer ❤️🔥

🤍 I know I need to rest, but I feel guilty when I do 🤍

This is one of the most common things I hear in coaching sessions, especially from women.

What's interesting is that very few people argue with the fact that rest is important. We understand the science. We know sleep matters. We know stress impacts our health. We know we can't pour from an empty cup. Yet when it comes to ourselves, many of us still struggle to stop.

I don't think the challenge is actually rest. I think the challenge is what we've attached to it.

For many women, productivity has quietly become linked to worth. Being the one who holds everything together, remembers all the details, supports everyone else, and keeps moving no matter what becomes part of our identity. When that's how we've measured our value for years, slowing down can feel uncomfortable. Not because we're lazy, but because we're stepping away from the very things that have made us feel needed, useful, and successful.

What I often encourage my clients to consider is this: if someone you loved came to you exhausted, overwhelmed, running on empty, and clearly needing a break, would you tell them to push harder? Would you tell them to just get through one more week? Or would you encourage them to take care of themselves before they reached breaking point?

Most of us offer compassion to everyone except ourselves.

One of the simplest mindset shifts can be moving from "Have I done enough to deserve rest?" to "What do I need right now to be at my best?" They are very different questions. One is driven by guilt. The other is driven by self-awareness.

Rest isn't a reward waiting for you at the end of the to-do list. Because if we're honest, the to-do list never ends. There will always be another email, another load of washing, another responsibility, another person needing something from you.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop waiting for permission.

Your worth is not measured by how much you can carry.

And you don't need to earn the right to rest 💖

🌱 What If You're Not Behind? 🌱

I've been thinking a lot lately about how easy it is to convince ourselves we're somehow behind in life.

Behind where we thought we'd be.
Behind who we thought we'd become.
Behind the version of ourselves we imagined years ago.

But what if you're not behind at all?

What if you're simply living a life that turned out differently than expected?

I think about how much pressure we put on ourselves to be further ahead, without ever stopping to consider everything we've had to carry to get here.

Life has a way of humbling us.

It doesn't always follow the plan.

Sometimes it breaks your heart.
Sometimes it changes your direction.
Sometimes it asks you to let go of things you thought would be with you forever.

And yet somehow we still judge ourselves for not being further ahead.

Ahead of what?

A timeline created by a younger version of ourselves who had no idea what life was about to teach us?

I look around and see people being incredibly hard on themselves for circumstances that would challenge anyone.

People quietly navigating things nobody else can see.

People doing their best with the tools, energy and capacity they have right now.

And still believing they should be doing better.

Maybe that's the part I struggle with.

The assumption that growth should always look impressive.

Because some of the most important growth happens in seasons where nobody is clapping for you.

The moments where you choose to keep going.
The moments where you begin again.
The moments where you slowly rebuild after life knocked you sideways.

Those moments matter too.

So if you've been feeling behind lately, maybe ask yourself this:

What if you're not behind?

What if you're exactly where your journey has brought you to?

Not late.
Not failing.
Not missing out.

Just becoming.

And maybe that's enough 🤍

❤️ The Relief of Being Chosen ❤️

Lately I've been thinking about external validation.
Yes, I know what most of the books, podcasts, coaches and social media posts say.

"Stop seeking external validation."

But I don't actually think it's that simple. Because we're human.

Of course we want to feel loved.
Of course we want to feel chosen.
Of course we want appreciation, recognition, connection and belonging.

We're wired for it.

I don't think the problem is wanting validation. I think the problem is when validation becomes the only place we go to determine our worth.

Because then we hand other people the power to decide how we feel about ourselves.

One compliment and we're flying. One criticism and we're questioning everything. One person choosing us and we feel worthy. One person pulling away and suddenly we're wondering if we were ever enough to begin with.

I know because I've been there.

Looking for reassurance, certainty and for proof that I matter.

And if I'm really honest, what I was actually looking for wasn't validation.

It was relief ❤️

Relief from the self-doubt.
Relief from the overthinking.
Relief from the fear that maybe I wasn't enough.

Because when someone chooses you, loves you, acknowledges you or tells you you're doing a good job...

For a moment, the questions go quiet.

The problem is they always come back.

Because no amount of external validation can permanently answer an internal question. And maybe that's the part we don't talk about enough.

The goal isn't to become some enlightened human who never cares what anyone thinks.

The goal isn't to stop wanting love, connection, recognition or belonging.

The goal is to stop making those things responsible for your self-worth.

To get to a place where compliments are appreciated but not required.

Where being chosen feels beautiful but doesn't define your value.

Where rejection hurts but doesn't destroy your identity.

Because maybe self-worth isn't believing you're amazing all the time.

Maybe it's knowing that your value remains the same whether someone sees it or not.

And honestly, I think that's one of the hardest lessons most of us will ever learn ❤️

📸

🤍 Who inspires you? 🤍

One thing we’ve been doing recently in a leadership to success course is talking about who inspires us and why.

And honestly, it’s been really interesting.

Because when you really stop and think about it, the people we admire often reflect the things we value most ourselves.

Not success in the flashy sense.
Not status.
Not who looks the most perfect online.

But qualities.

The person who makes others feel safe.
The person who keeps going through hard things.
The person who is kind.
Authentic.
Courageous.
Grounded.
Passionate.
Quietly resilient.

It also made me reflect on how easy it is to move through life based on expectations.

Who we think we should be.
What success is supposed to look like.
What other people value.

But asking yourself “who genuinely inspires me?” can tell you a lot about the kind of person you actually want to become.

Not what the world tells you to chase.
What genuinely matters to you.

I think sometimes we spend so much time trying to meet expectations that we forget to check whether they even align with who we are.

So maybe it’s worth asking yourself:

Who inspires you?
And what does that say about the life you want to create?

Cass xx

🤍 The grief of outgrowing old versions of yourself 🤍

I don’t think we talk enough about the grief that can come with growth.

Not just grief around losing people…
but grief around losing versions of yourself.

The version of you before the loss.
Before the heartbreak.
Before the trauma.
Before life humbled you a little.

Sometimes experiences change you so deeply that you can never fully go back to who you once were.

And that can feel really confronting.

Because even when growth is necessary, there can still be sadness in it.

Sadness for the more carefree version of you.
The version that trusted more easily.
The version that hadn’t experienced certain pain yet.
The version that saw life differently.

I think sometimes we expect healing to feel empowering all the time.

But honestly? Sometimes healing just feels like grieving and rebuilding at the same time.

Trying to understand who you are now while quietly missing parts of who you used to be.

And sometimes as you grow, your life shifts too.

Relationships change.
Friendships change.
Priorities change.

People who once fit your life no longer fit in the same way.
And sometimes people who you thought would be there forever… aren’t.

That can hurt deeply without making anyone a bad person.

It’s just part of life moving.

I think what I’m learning is that healing isn’t always about “getting back” to who you were before.

Sometimes it’s about accepting that life changed you.

And maybe the goal isn’t to become the old version of yourself again.

Maybe it’s learning how to love and accept the person you are now.

Forever missing you Papa ❤️‍🩹

Cass 🤍