Levi Harrison Counselling

20/08/2026

Curiosity Killed the Cat. Really?

We have all heard the old adage, but when it comes to human connection, a lack of curiosity is what is deadly.
In my experience as a counsellor, the level of curiosity partners hold for one another is one of the clearest indicators of their relationship's health. When couples come to me stuck in deep conflict, the pattern is almost always the same: hardened positions and fixed assumptions about each other and their dynamic. When these positions are questioned (especially by their partner), they are fiercely defended. The need to be "right" feels paramount, while genuine curiosity about what is actually happening beneath the surface is virtually absent.

In this rigid environment, my professional curiosity enables me to listen to both partners. Their perspectives always make sense to me from where they stand. Once both of them feel understood and seen in their position, they start to relax, and with that relaxation, their openness to take a different viewpoint grows.
Staying curious allows me to question my own assumptions, hold my conclusions lightly, and adapt my thinking whenever new insights emerge. This approach is contagious, and over time, both partners become willing to question their assumptions and change their conclusions about each other. The wall starts to crumble.

True curiosity is not merely intellectual; it is an emotional openness to receiving the thoughts, feelings, and lived experiences of another person. It asks a simple, profound question: "Who are you, really?"

Cultivating a curiosity mindset transforms relationships. It dismantles projections and rigid expectations, allowing us to meet our partner as they truly are. Being on the receiving end of genuine curiosity makes a person feel seen, valued, and loved. Turning that same gentle inquiry inward keeps us grounded in self-acceptance rather than self-judgment. Staying curious about our own inner world builds a compassionate foundation for how we treat others.

Curiosity is foundational to any fulfilling relationship. By letting go of the need to be right, we make space to truly discover the people we love, including ourselves.

15/04/2026

Feelings as information

What if we viewed anger or anxiety as data instead of a "bad" reaction?
Think of it this way: if someone speaks to you disrespectfully, that spark of anger is actually information (telling you a boundary has been crossed) and energy (giving you the activation you need to speak up clearly).
When we learn to use that energy consciously, we stop reacting and start responding. It’s the difference between a messy outburst and a clear, empowered conversation.

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15/04/2026

Ever feel like you’re just "getting through" life rather than truly living it?

Many of us learned to suppress our feelings as a way to protect ourselves when we were younger. But here’s the truth: numbness and aliveness can’t coexist. When we blunt the "bad" feelings, we accidentally blunt the good ones, too.

Your feelings aren't the enemy; they are messages carrying vital information about your boundaries and your needs. Ready to find your inner compass again?

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13/04/2026

Reflective Listening

Have you ever communicated with someone who validated your experience, let you know that you were heard and understood and then showed interest in hearing more? The quality of connection Reflective Listening can create still astonishes me at times.

08/04/2026

Feeling Overwhelmed by Your Screen? Reclaim Your Focus!

We've all been there: a quick check turns into an hour-long zombie scroll. But did you know your device is engineered to keep you hooked? It’s not just you; app designers use psychological "hooks" like dopamine loops and infinite scrolling to capture your attention.

Your phone isn't the problem – it's the environment it creates. The good news? You can change that environment and move from compulsive to intentional use.

Here are a few evidence-based "small wins":
Go Greyscale: Remove the visual "reward" by switching your screen to black and white in accessibility settings. Keep it Distant: Research shows the mere presence of a phone reduces cognitive capacity. Put it in another room while working or sleeping.
The 'Stop and Surf' Technique: Before you pick it up, pause for 30 seconds. Ask: Why am I holding this? What do I actually need? Feel your body and understand the trigger.
Remember, it's about changing your environment and noticing your triggers, not just willpower. Your focus is valuable. Take it back!

Send me a DM if you want a more comprehensive guide.

What’s one simple thing you’re trying to reduce your screen time? Share below!

17/11/2025

Joe Hudson distinguishes two ways of "losing yourself in love."

The first is an experience of oneness, where the illusion of separateness dissolves into deep intimacy. When I experienced that for the first time, I felt high-level fear—my sense of self and my identification with who I was felt threatened. I had to step through that fear (it felt like I was dying) to let myself experience a new level of connection I had never known before.

In contrast, the second arises from a lack of clear boundaries, where one seeks approval and likability by people-pleasing, only to erode the authentic self over time; this path breeds resentment, emotional exhaustion, and disconnection from self.

The way from the second form of losing yourself in love to the first is to confront the fear of not being liked by others (e.g., our partner) and choose to become clear about one's own boundaries. Clear boundaries—what do I want, what do I not want—are a prerequisite for a healthy and sustainable experience of intimacy that dissolves separateness.

I like life's contradictions.

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07/08/2025

The Perfect Day

Martha Beck's "Perfect Day" exercise is a powerful visualisation and journaling technique
she uses to help people align their life with their true desires. Here's how it works:
The Basic Framework:
• Find a quiet time and comfortable space
• Close your eyes and imagine waking up on a perfect, ordinary day (not a vacation or
special occasion)
• Walk through the entire day in vivid detail, from morning to night
• Write everything down, being as specific as possible
Key Elements to Consider:
• Where do you wake up? What does the room look like?
• Who (if anyone) is with you?
• What time do you wake up?
• What's your morning routine?
• What kind of work do you do during the day?
• What does your workspace look like?
• Who do you interact with?
• What do you eat?
• How do you spend your free time?
• What activities bring you joy?
• How does your body feel?
• What's your evening routine?
• How do you end your day?
Important Guidelines:
• Focus on feelings, not just activities
• Don't limit yourself based on current circumstances
• Include all five senses in your visualisation
• Stay within realistic possibilities (no supernatural powers)
• Pay attention to small details that bring joy
• Notice what surprises you about your perfect day
Beck emphasises that what people often discover through this exercise is that their
"perfect day" is usually simpler and more attainable than they might have thought. The
exercise helps reveal what truly matters to you versus what you think should matter.

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07/07/2025

Find out if we are the right fit. Book a free 30-minute consultation, a relaxed video call to get to know each other. No pressure, no obligation

09/05/2025

“Safety is not the absence of threat…; it is the presence of connection.”

Gabor Maté

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19/03/2025

I have had the privilege of supporting many couples in creating more harmonious and joyful relationships. What is the most common challenge they face? I call it the demand-withdrawal pattern.

In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the demand-withdrawal pattern refers to a negative cycle in which one partner (the "demander") seeks connection, change, or engagement, while the other partner (the "withdrawer") responds by shutting down, avoiding, or distancing themselves. This dynamic often deepens emotional disconnection— the more one partner demands, the more the other withdraws, creating a reinforcing loop of frustration and hurt.

In my experience, more often than not, the woman tends to take on the “demander” role, while the man withdraws. Why? I am generalizing, of course, but I believe women instinctively sense that deeper connection is possible—more than most couples are experiencing. And they are right.

Have you ever experienced this pattern?

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